20 Jokes That Will Make People With A Self-Deprecating Sense of Humor Cry (While Laughing)
1. It's a real shitshow.
My body is a temple, but it's one of those temples in Thailand where they let monkeys shit all over the place
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) October 21, 2012
2. Beginner level, please.
How do you lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
— Casually Explained (@CasuallyE) February 23, 2017
3. Nah, I'm good.
4. Take THAT!
The guy who picked on me in high school and then became a millionaire just came into KFC and I overcooked his chicken. Checkmate Justin, you fucking loser
— Viktor Winetrout (@Cpin42) December 10, 2017
5. The poor thing.
god: i have made Mankind
— farrar fawcett (@jon_snow_420) October 28, 2015
angels: you fucked up a perfectly good monkey is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety
6. Damn it, mom.
Life is like soccer because my mom signed me up for it and expects me to try my best even though I hate fucking soccer.
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) July 13, 2013
7. If only, if only.
8. Everytime I leave the house...
9. Surprise!
10. Chocolate chip roulette.
Eating raw cookie dough is the best option for college students
— Noah Hazel (@noahhazel55) September 19, 2017
1. No cooking time
2. Tastes better than regular cookies
3. You may die
11. Well fuck you too.
12. That would be great, thanks.
DRIVERS! PLEASE BE COURTEOUS TO STUDENT PEDESTRIANS AND hit us going full speed please
— callie (@CallieDoucet) January 11, 2017
13. Those school dances sure took a lot of crack to get rid of.
it took several years of extensive recreational drug use but i have finally erased all memory of middle school
— russ did 9/11 (@lexaprobation) December 3, 2017
14. You heard me.
me: hi do you take walk-ins
— Hippo (@InternetHippo) June 20, 2017
the morgue: what
15. A cruel twist of fate.
GOD: You have probably 70-80 years at most before you die, ideally.
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) December 19, 2017
MAN: oh. well, i'll make the most of-
GOD: You'll be unconscious for 1/3 of the time.
MAN: ..uh
GOD: *leans in* That'll be your favorite part.
16. Watch out, I'm coming in hot.
17. Don't ever say I don't try.
18. Wow. Adding insult to injury.
I don't struggle with depression. Like at this point I have it down. I'm good at depression.
— Brandon Scott Wolf (@BrandonEsWolf) August 19, 2017
19. Why do you ask?
20. More effective than the pill.
