15 Hilarious Tweets To Help you Get Through Your Bleak Existence On This Planet
1. *lights up a cigarette before starting lecture*
High school— Jordan Rutledge (@JordanRutledge) February 8, 2018
(Teacher who barely got through school and managed to get a teaching degree): my name is Ms. Johnson and you will call me as such
(Professor who is a top individual in their field with multiple degrees, maybe a PHD): hey guys what's up my name's Matt
2. This one should be in all history books.
t-rex: aye look a shooting star make a wish— mason woronets (@mason_jay42) February 3, 2018
raptor: i wish i was dead
t-rex: aye that shit looks kinda close dont it
3. I saw a cat once, it had a gun.
people who prefer cats: yeah I just like cats more :) but dogs are good too tho!— 🧚🏾♀️ (@peachyblackgorl) February 4, 2018
people who prefer dogs: CATS.... ARE........EVIL........A CAT ONCE TRIED TO MURDER MY WHOLE FAMILY. THEIR SCRATCHES SYMBOLIZE DEMONIC ENERGY. THEY N E V E R FEEL HAPPINESS.
4. Nothing is coming in between me and my Kid Rock, Sharon.
One time my friend Brandon’s Dad and his mom were in a heated argument in the car and she took his kid rock cd out of the player and threw it out the window with rage and he looked her dead in the eyes and pulled out a second copy of that same cd and put it back in the player— johnny utah (@clowndaddie) February 7, 2018
5. You get the bessssssssttt of both worlds...
y’all think Kylie’s friends hiding her pregnancy was a big deal, remember when Miley Cyrus’ whole hometown hid her secret of living a double life??— wallflower 🥀 (@Marisa_Thinks) February 6, 2018
6. The accuracy.
College dudes tweeting "I only love my bed and my momma I'm sorry". Bro you sleep in a twin sized bunk bed and only text your mom when you need money transferred to your bank account— Connor Hannigan (@connor_hannigan) February 3, 2018
7. Really, someone explain traffic.
How does traffic even happen ? Bitch just keep driving— Sneed (@NoBeeetch) February 5, 2018
8. This describes us all.
me: damn i need to save money— yordi (@WavyYordi) February 5, 2018
friend: lets go eat
my stupid broke ass: pic.twitter.com/fT9ngbSeDE
9. Legit, you probably don't know the middle names of your friends from college.
High school friendships and college friendships are so different— Cody Buer (@therealcodybuer) February 6, 2018
High school- you know what type of milk your friends parents buy and what time their house pet eats dinner
College- 2 years into a friendship “oh what I didn’t know you had a brother?”
10. THIS IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION.
Got a new job at a cinema and it’s changed my life, asked my boss “what if we see someone taking their own food in” and she said “Ryan, it’s a myth, people can bring their own food in here” my life has been a lie— Ryan Barratt (@ryan_baratt) February 4, 2018
11. Suddenly, everyone feels a little bit better about themselves.
Someone asked my professor the difference between "affect" and "effect" and he said, "Honestly I have no clue. I have a PhD and wrote my entire dissertation without using either word. Just try and avoid it at all costs"— Sam⚡️Clark (@SamClark_23) February 6, 2018
12. These were the worst people.
the dudes who just shoved their papers in their backpacks with no folders in elementary school all in prison now— Cody Buer (@therealcodybuer) February 7, 2018
13. Try looking at it from a different perspective.
men apologizing to women: i'm sorry i hurt ur feelings but if we really think about it it's actually ur fault for having feelings in the first place— rei (@tunahater) February 5, 2018
14. A true friend.
my friend boyfriend just called me looking for her I told him she was sleep on my couch drunk I said "you want me to wake her up?" he said "she right here, i was proving to her that all her friends liars" I was still in character tho Im like "well who tf on my couch" 🤣😩— bella 🌸 (@bxllaneira) February 4, 2018
15. When the Super Bowl Chaos got out of hand and Hardee's trolled the entire city of Philadelphia
We are excited to serve everyone biscuits tomorrow morning at our Philadelphia location but in order to do that it needs to be not burned down please— Hardee's (@Hardees) February 5, 2018