15 Funny Tweets From This Week To See You Out Of The Cesspool That Was 2017
1. How to piss off your great aunt Meredith.
Wanna feel attacked???? Wear ripped jeans to any family event— emalee (@_emaleeeng) December 25, 2017
2. Party's this way, Daisy.
We’re 2 years away from the roaring 20’s and if you think I’m not gonna party like Gatsby from 2020-2029 then you’re absolutely wrong old sport.— kellie. (@k_zookk) December 27, 2017
3. You're doing great, sweetie.
my organs watching me drink water pic.twitter.com/MZBKS2ET69— stANKHy beg (@lyricalflop) December 23, 2017
4. Schoolyard astrology.
if your zodiac sign is asparagus dont even bother being my friend because im a caprisun and we are not compatible— Jordan (@JORDANBENNlNG) December 23, 2017
5. How many fish are you displacing?
I love how these “vegans'' still drink water.. that's a fish's house u bitch— ruckin (@RUCKlN) December 27, 2017
6. Long live the high waist!
absolutely not im chubby and will continue to pull my high waisted jeans over all of my insecurities thanks hard pass https://t.co/0ZGGIi8Coa— ari (@nightfiIm) December 26, 2017
7. Time is but an illusion.
It is the period between Christmas and New year. No one knows what day it is. Time doesn't really exist. Can we start drinking at 10am? Why not. Existence is a confusion.— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) December 26, 2017
8. Well deserved too.
Taken: A break https://t.co/XQLzPPxMbg— lewie (@Ixwie) December 24, 2017
once we went to the dentist w my mom & it was just us and 1 other guy in the waiting room. jurassic park was starting on the tv so we sat and waited through the entire movie. no names called. as the credits rolled the other man got up and called my moms name. he was the DENTIST— everybody loves kitty ray mond (@kittaveli) December 24, 2017
10. Ba dum tss
Saw a bird eating a piece of avocado toast. Guess it was some kind of millennial falcon.— Sarah McLaughlin (@sarahemclaugh) December 28, 2017
11. Today is where your book begins.
goals for 2018:— macey (@fruitandvodka) December 22, 2017
1. release my inhibitions
2. feel the rain on my skin
12. But did you use it correctly?
"I texted this boy I like but I used a semi-colon as a power move and I think I scared him off" - my sister, 25— Anthony Oliveira (@meakoopa) December 26, 2017
13. You can buy that by the tank.
So just fuck oxygen right? https://t.co/Jk1CZp0rYf— Noah (@Noahasf) December 25, 2017
i hope he returned those two books https://t.co/ygxaj8QaGa— zander (@finah) December 24, 2017
15. Not much has changed.
the year is 3000: only two holidays exist - toyotathon and happy honda days sale event. bitcoin is the only currency. walt disney has unfrozen himself and is supreme leader of the world. everyone lives underwater. but your great-great-great-granddaughter is doing fine.— Chance Harbour (@ChanceHarbour) December 23, 2017