10 FMLs About Shitty Santas That Will Give You Real Life Nightmares Before Christmas
1. The stress of the holiday season is really getting to him.
Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML
2. A little too much eggnog?
3. Production costs are at an all-time high. Santa's getting desperate.
4. We all have a dark side.
Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML
5. Hard times have fallen on the North Pole.
6. Is that a candy cane in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
7. You will NOT be coming down my chimney tonight.
Today, a man dressed as Santa Claus walked by me, grabbing my butt. He smelled of pipe tobacco and pee. He pulled me close to him and whispered, "I bet you're naughty but you feel so nice." I looked dumbfounded at him as he winked and yelled, "You're on my list." FML
8. Hey, it could've been alive. Everything in perspective.
9. How could you have expected him to say that?
Today, I thought it would be cute to put on a Santa hat and ask my crush what he wanted for Christmas. He said "A girlfriend." I took off my Santa hat and yelled "Ta-da!" He added, "An ATTRACTIVE girlfriend." FML
10. I don't think he's going to like it there.
Today, my mother came over to visit, and my kids started excitedly telling her Christmas is coming soon. She freaked out, saying Christmas is a "Satanic holiday" and telling them that Santa is going to hell along with everyone who celebrates it. My children are now traumatized. FML