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Hetaliagermany's favorite FMLs

By yooitscallo - 22/08/2015 07:30 - United States - Pekin

Today, I woke up from a dream in which my girlfriend gave birth to a litter of puppies. I can't even look at her now without getting nauseous. FML

agreeclassic 24 859

vote type 1 3 039

yooitscallo app_comment_confession_title

yooitscallo 8

Monday 31 August 2015 5:34

Haha, ironically the next day my girlfriend asked me if we could get a puppy, I couldn't even explain to her as to why I nearly threw up. Lol

Public freakouts

By BrakesNotBumpers - this FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Reading

Today, I was rear-ended. While I was yelling, "WHAT THE F...?" the lady who hit me completely freaked out and drove into me again. Twice. FML

agreeclassic 29 768

vote type 1 2 507

By bekkylove22 - 27/05/2015 08:45 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML

agreeclassic 29 366

vote type 1 4 611

bekkylove22 app_comment_confession_title

bekkylove22 23

Wednesday 27 May 2015 16:11

Just to clarify, no I did not allow this person to take any mice. Live feeding is illegal in the UK (where our rescue is based) and the majority of the mice we have are ones that came from illegal 'feeder breeders' that were shut down by the RSPCA after being proven to be selling mice for use as live feed. Some of these mice have been hand reared by me from the day they were born if their mother had abandoned them or died herself, so there's no way in hell I would let them go somewhere they would be used as food. Hope this helped anyone who was asking questions!

Turn of phrase

By MiniJeans - 30/04/2015 02:25 - United States - Casselberry

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend for the first time. I moved my leg to wrap it around him and accidentally hit his penis. Without thinking, I said, "Sorry little guy!" FML

agreeclassic 37 329

vote type 1 12 312

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 21:13 - Canada - Sudbury

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

agreeclassic 40 457

vote type 1 6 182