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pitchunperfect

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Pitchunperfect's favorite FMLs

By Geckosrock99 - 31/08/2012 02:45 - United States - Riverbank

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

agreeclassic 37 501

vote type 1 6 112

Geckosrock99 app_comment_confession_title

Geckosrock99 33

Friday 31 August 2012 19:15

OP here. First of all, I'm nineteen. The ninety-nine in my username is just a random number. Not my birth year and not the number of geckos I have (or rather, used to have.) The vibrator wasn't running low on batteries. I had just changed them and, unfortunately for me, it was dying for good. I've had my fear of clowns since I was seven, because of that "IT" movie, so hearing that noise in the dark was pretty scary.

So good

By shelby124 - 15/08/2012 16:31 - United States - York

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

agreeclassic 20 137

vote type 1 39 953

Touched by the Hand of God

By lils - 05/08/2012 17:45 - United States

Today, while I was getting intimate with my husband, he moaned someone else's name. He actually tried to explain himself by saying that he'd had a "divine encounter," and while "possessed by the Lord," he'd been told the name of our future daughter. FML

agreeclassic 42 203

vote type 1 3 107

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

agreeclassic 39 754

vote type 1 6 606

Worried dad

By Anonymous - 01/08/2012 04:17 - Canada

Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML

agreeclassic 64 399

vote type 1 12 248