NotMyDay92

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Notmyday92's favorite FMLs

Procrastination

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 17:01 - United States

Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML

agreeclassic 98 141

vote type 1 16 744

By Anonymous - 23/03/2011 11:50 - United States

Today, I was let go from my balloon-selling job at the zoo. They put a new monkey cage in my designated spot. I was literally fired so a monkey could take my place. FML

agreeclassic 40 068

vote type 1 5 086

By Clare - 21/02/2011 23:15 - Canada

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the Bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

agreeclassic 40 874

vote type 1 7 610

Crawling

By mojolady - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, lice were found in my hair. At the hair salon. I'm now banned from that salon. FML

agreeclassic 32 022

vote type 1 12 611

By Anonymous - 15/02/2011 19:28 - United States

Today, while sitting on the couch, my boyfriend came over, pulled his penis out of his fly, and started stabbing me in the face with it while humming the Jaws theme. FML

agreeclassic 51 238

vote type 1 14 280