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xXxmurderxXx

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Xxxmurderxxx's favorite FMLs

Freakout

By Brie - 29/05/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

agreeclassic 42 010

vote type 1 11 775

Cheeky

By BurnedByAWaiter - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I went on a blind date at a fancy restaurant. My date was running a bit late, so I went ahead and got a table. I got bored, so I decided to ask my waiter how I looked. He stood there, then said that, "It's against company policy to mock customers to their face." FML

agreeclassic 41 624

vote type 1 8 465

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 03:07 - United States

Today, I got concussion after a goat ran in front of me while I was jogging. FML

agreeclassic 33 452

vote type 1 4 338

Stop

By dad - 03/03/2009 22:28 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML

agreeclassic 34 402

vote type 1 83 212