Oh_No_Not_Him

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Oh_no_not_him's favorite FMLs

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By fuckel4 - this FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - El Dorado

Today, while updating my résumé, I noticed that in my list of achievements it said "Torturing middle school students". I meant "tutoring", but I guess this explains why I'm still unemployed a year after I started looking for a job. FML

agreeclassic 13 801

vote type 1 5 568

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 18:24 - United States - Mission

Today, I lost my virginity. We'd both waited until marriage, so I thought it'd be nice and romantic. Nope. He slipped it into my ass and claimed he didn't know which hole was the right one. FML

agreeclassic 21 837

vote type 1 5 272

By burnbabyburn - 11/11/2015 17:47 - United Kingdom

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

agreeclassic 24 372

vote type 1 2 127

Creepshow

By Hipnog - 07/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

agreeclassic 22 549

vote type 1 2 717

Wisdom

By weldingmachine217 - 16/11/2015 21:47 - United States - Blanchard

Today, I went to the bowling alley. I have short, stubby fingers, and as I looked for a bowling ball that would fit my hand properly, an old man watched me searching, and approached asking, "Is that how you are with women? Fingering them, tossing them in the gutter, and looking for another?" FML

agreeclassic 28 292

vote type 1 3 651