App

FMyLife

search






FMyLife FMyLife
search
​



    : 320



    Classy guy

    Anonymous - 01/02/2013 07:01 - United States

    Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML
    39 014
    6 725
      

    Gaslighting

    -__- - 11/08/2013 16:26 - Greece - Athens

    Today, my girlfriend discovered subliminal messaging. She thought that whispering, "You want to shave your beard" under her breath while I'm not looking at her, then denying ever saying it, would eventually make me shave my alleged upper-lip hair FML
    39 012
    5 742
      

    got any coupons? - 23/12/2014 15:24 - United States

    Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of six years. She got mad at me, saying she is too young to get married and that I was trying to ruin her career. She is 32 and works part-time at a grocery store. FML
    39 006
    3 415
      

    Anonymous - 06/03/2011 05:18 - United States

    Today, we had to discuss our heritage at school. When I told the class that I'm German, Japanese, and of the Jewish faith, my teacher laughed at the "irony." Something like this always happens whenever I tell people my background. FML
    39 005
    5 549
      

    Anonymous - 07/03/2015 03:22 - United States - Naples

    Today, I got a haircut. The guy quickly cut off most of the hair above my forehead. When I angrily asked him what he was doing, he said, "Quitting." FML
    39 003
    2 512
      

    Anonymous - 30/05/2011 18:11 - United States

    Today, my second roommate in less then a week got a DUI. Both roommates are demanding that I drive them around for free until they get their licenses back, or else they won't have the funds to pay their rent. FML
    39 002
    3 688
      

    Anonymous - 18/11/2009 04:08 - United States

    Today, my water wouldn't go down my shower drain. Confused, I stuck a metal stick expecting hair, but instead stabbed and pulled up a rat that was dead in my drain. FML
    39 002
    2 474
      

    -_- - 29/03/2011 02:22 - United States

    Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML
    38 999
    5 359
      

    notgay - 25/12/2009 19:34 - United States

    Today, my entire extended family was over for Christmas. I opened a gift to see that it was a fruitcake and saw everyone looking at me, smiling. This is their way to tell me that they know I'm gay and that they accept me. I'm straight. FML
    38 998
    3 807
      

    Kate - 23/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Kansas City

    Today, my boyfriend is seriously mad at me for telling his cat what he got it for Christmas. FML
    38 996
    8 989
      

    Anonymous - 15/06/2014 21:29 - United States - Toledo

    Today, I went to a Father's Day lunch with my dad and his fiancée. He suddenly began to describe, in detail, the vasectomy he'd just had, and that I shouldn't be expecting any new siblings any time soon. Thanks for the mental image, Dad. FML
    38 996
    3 902
      

    Same

    Anonymous - 08/01/2015 14:24 - Estonia - Tallinn

    Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML
    38 996
    6 097
      

    Sad Chef ;( - 05/12/2014 03:33 - United States

    Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Being a chef of a highly-rated restaurant, I cooked a well-liked dish. Not only did she say no, but commented on how bland and tasteless the meal was. FML
    38 995
    3 365
      

    SheWentCrayola - 17/10/2009 02:04 - United States

    Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML
    38 993
    7 597
      

    Social skills

    justfired - - Canada

    Today, I got fired from my job for not "interacting with customers." That's understandable. The thing is, my job didn't actually include any customer interaction. FML
    38 992
    3 264
      

    Quick, hide!

    Mattyboy - 24/08/2009 09:57 - United States

    Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house. When things started heating up, I heard the front door open and my girlfriend said that it must be her Dad. She handed me my clothes, pushed me out the window, and told me to knock at the front door. Her Dad answered, holding my shoes. FML
    38 991
    18 680
      

    Anonymous - 29/08/2010 07:27 - Canada

    Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML
    38 988
    15 566
      

    iluvcoconutrough - 02/07/2009 04:34 - New Zealand

    Today, at school I was sitting with a friend outside, talking about irregular periods and unshaven legs. Ten minutes into the conversation, a teacher sticks her head out the window above us and tells us to leave. We were distracting a classroom who were trying to finish a test. FML
    38 988
    22 440
      

    Weirdo - 06/12/2011 22:20 - United States

    Today, my family took me to a steak house. I went for an eight minute bathroom break, coming back to an empty table. They ordered dessert, and left me the bill. I'm a vegetarian, and it's my birthday. FML
    38 987
    4 834
      

    Anonymous - 13/12/2010 06:29 - United States

    Today, at Arby's, there were two cute guys behind me in line. Right before ordering, my dad said loudly "Go get the calorie sheet. You need to lose more weight before you think about going after those guys." FML
    38 987
    5 380
      

    Tense situation

    mother to be - 04/08/2014 13:20 - United States

    Today, while talking to my sister, I explained to her that the reason I hope I end up having a girl is I want my daughter to love me the way I "used" to love my own mother. I didn't mean to say it in the past tense. My sister told my mom. She's planning my baby shower. FML
    38 980
    7 098
      

    Anonymous - 06/01/2010 18:19 - United States

    Today, I found out my dad spent most of the $500 I earned from mowing lawns on an Xbox 360 for himself. He was the one who encouraged me to put the money in the bank for college and to learn responsibility. I'm 14 years old. He's 37. FML
    38 978
    2 889
      

    HereWeGoAgain - 24/01/2013 07:19 - United States

    Today, my mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry for her, had this not been her 7th husband. FML
    38 978
    3 073
      

    msjustine - 06/05/2011 19:27 - United States

    Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML
    38 974
    13 385
      

    FUCK ME, MAKE IT STOP - 01/11/2013 18:38 - Canada - Edmonton

    Today, I had to go to a big dinner with my insane relatives. Highlights of conversation included my sister telling us about the "country of Iowa", my dad accusing me of faking my chronic fatigue syndrome, and my grandpa claiming that Nelson Mandela is the Antichrist. FML
    38 974
    3 214
      

    Anonymous - 31/03/2011 21:53 - United States

    Today, my girlfriend tearfully complained that I was smothering her to death with my clinginess, and that I should learn to respect her boundaries. This is after she complained I wasn't giving her enough attention. FML
    38 972
    5 158
      

    Awkward - 19/07/2012 02:15 - United States - Los Angeles

    Today, I sat awkwardly and pretended like I didn't notice my cousin discreetly trying to masturbate while talking to me. This isn't the first time anything like this has happened. FML
    38 970
    3 875
      

    Anonymous - 27/05/2011 23:30 - United States

    Today, a girl I've been crushing on for over a year finally gave me her number. I lost the note at home, but found it a few hours later. I excitedly called, only to find she'd written down the number for the local Pizza Hut. FML
    38 966
    4 595
      

    Staying Home Today - 04/03/2014 12:25 - United States - Severn

    Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML
    38 963
    3 793
      

    Bad boys bad boys

    FuturePolice - 23/01/2012 09:56 - United States

    Today, I was accepted into a police academy. I called my girlfriend of 2 years, who was supportive through the process. She promptly broke up with me, stating, "You'll be really busy in the academy, and I can't marry a police officer. Its a dangerous job." She then called me selfish for "doing this to us." FML
    38 963
    3 605
      
    • 393
    • 394
    • 395
    • 396
    • 397
    • 398
    • 399
    • 400
    • 401
    • 402

    Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home
    FMyLife FMyLife
    FMyLife FMyLife
    Today, it is New Year's Day. While all of my friends are out partying, I stayed home and mastered level 34 on FarmVille. FML
    13 617
    36 945
    Today, I picked up my new car. The dealer offered to connect my iPhone to the Bluetooth system for me. Once connected it automatically started playing the audiobook I had been listening to over the stereo system. Right on a passage which had an extremely graphic description of anal sex. FML
    32 294
    19 060
    Today, while covering lunch for the self-checkout host, I noticed a customer walking away. I smiled and said, "Have a nice night!" A few minutes later, I saw that she'd left without paying on her machine. I'd smiled and waved at a lady as she stole from me. FML
    3 841
    828
    Today, on the third of February, my mom finally relented and let us take the Christmas decorations down. FML
    778
    121
    Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs off Facebook, as she didn't like that they made her look fat. She is over 300 pounds. FML
    74 498
    4 824
    Today, I met a woman at a bar, and we went back to my place with her whispering many filthy things in my ear. Then my key broke inside the lock. It was 2 a.m. and freezing, and she was in a dress, I suggested a hotel, but she was now so cold and angry, she got back in our Uber which hadn't left yet and went home. FML
    1 409
    351

    © VDM SAS,

    ​