The Top

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By Dan - 08/10/2009 16:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I had my leaving party after work to celebrate getting a new job. 3 people turned up. I'd invited 35. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 059

You deserved it 5 430

By Bg2466 - 15/08/2016 03:17 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I got a bad review on my work's Facebook page. The girl said I was very rude and I should never work with the public. I was trying to flirt with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 143

You deserved it 15 750

By S. Tucker - 07/06/2011 09:28 - United States

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 857

You deserved it 3 620

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 21:52 - United States - Lake Dallas

Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 561

You deserved it 53 302

By tickdog - 19/03/2012 03:09 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 891

You deserved it 5 481

By FMyThroat - 18/01/2013 00:39 - Peru - Lima

Today, after battling for hours to get just a little sleep before my early morning work shift, I finally began drifting off. Then I got the worst attack of hiccups in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 705

You deserved it 2 829

By Gloomzz - 28/04/2016 13:54 - Latvia - Riga

Today, my mum is on a week-long trip. Everything was fine, until I realised she forgot to leave me any money. Now I'm out of food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 969

You deserved it 2 350

Gloomzz tells us more.

Gloomzz 26

Friday 29 April 2016 8:10

Hey everyone, I'm the OP, not sure if this will work as a follow-up since I wasn't logged in when I posted this, but I'm going to try and explain further anyway. First off, I want to say that this is wouldn't have happened IF my debit card worked, since my mum could just complete a bank transfer. For the people saying that this is a bluff - we are a very healthy family and only eat organic food, which gets spoiled quickly (I am also on a strict diet because of health issues and can only eat certain foods). I borrowed some money from classmates as school is still going, so I should survive the week. #4 My neighbors didn't though

Zit remedy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 216

You deserved it 7 352

By Username - 28/02/2011 05:44

Today, after we'd let an author rent out our cabin, we read in the book of poems he wrote while staying that he'd described how he enjoyed sitting on our table naked. The same table we often eat off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 465

You deserved it 5 185

Rash decision

By caiti - 06/08/2009 01:25 - United States

Today, I had a job interview and things were going really well until I noticed the woman interviewing me staring at the inside of my elbow. I am recovering from a poison sumac rash, and each spot looks like a puncture wound from a syringe. I was dismissed before the interview was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 383

You deserved it 4 462

By xxruby - 24/02/2015 21:07 - United States - Katy

Today, I worked my boyfriend's shift so he could stay home. I even brought him the free meal I got for helping out. Turns out he wanted to stay home so badly to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 478

You deserved it 3 568

By torkx3 - 21/07/2009 20:22 - United States

Today, a resident went missing at our nursing home. When I found him, a man in a blue shirt and red pants, he started yelling at me in confusion. I just thought it was his alzheimers. When I brought him to my administrator, I was told the missing resident was wearing a red shirt and blue pants. Wrong guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 768

You deserved it 40 240

By mimimi - 30/12/2008 06:24 - France

Today, I went swimming. While I was walking along side of the pool, everyone was staring at me. I began to think that my diet was really working. It was only an hour later, in the changing rooms, that I noticed the string from my Tampax that was sticking out of my swimming costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 988

You deserved it 5 974

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 07:35

Today, I was at the doctor's getting some skin scraped off the bottom of my foot for some tests. As soon as the doctor grabbed my foot, it tickled and I accidentally kicked him in the face. During this, the blade sliced my foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 985

You deserved it 10 350

"She's a very kinky girl…"

By MB101 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to sing at karaoke. I sang a romantic love ballad to him. He dedicated Rick James's "Super Freak" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 726

You deserved it 5 516

By fuglymug - 08/01/2016 21:48 - United States - Appleton

Today, I played charades with my girlfriend and her family. When it was her turn to act out a phrase, she simply walked to the center of the room and pointed to herself and then at me. It took less than 5 seconds for someone to correctly guess "Beauty and the Beast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 471

You deserved it 2 370

By Anonymous - 08/09/2014 10:55 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was told by my teacher that she had 'given up' teaching me because someone had told her I have a mental illness, and that I don't understand what she says. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 528

You deserved it 3 864

By meach - 06/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 911

You deserved it 4 196

By ZydecosGirl - 10/05/2013 03:11 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I started the bleaching treatments that my dentist recommended. Now, my two front teeth have ultra white spots, the rest of my teeth are still yellow and the roof of my mouth is burned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 062

You deserved it 8 582

By where do they come from - 01/07/2014 04:26 - United States - Bellingham

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 675

You deserved it 4 558

Careful

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 505

You deserved it 18 376

By fridgemylifee - 13/08/2015 17:39 - United States

Today, I had a first date with a guy I met online. And his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 513

You deserved it 2 990

Self-care

By Mee - 05/10/2009 10:49 - Kuwait

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 702

You deserved it 39 423

Classism

By TrailerTrash - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise "moving in" party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 888

You deserved it 4 780

By bzygirl - 26/09/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, was my first day at my new job in a shop. 10 minutes after my first customer leaves I realize she managed to steal $200 worth of merchandise while she had me getting stuff for her from the back room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 031

You deserved it 7 835

Toot toot

By gassy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 254

You deserved it 36 099

Skittish

By maced face - 05/02/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said, "Excuse me…" The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 257

You deserved it 3 543

Help

By ForeverEmbarrassed - 13/08/2009 00:10 - United States

Today, I was at a clothing store. I tried on a dress, but decided it was too much for me. Taking it off, I realize my hair was tangled in the big security button. The employees had to bring me to the front of the store, lay me on the counter, and take the button out in front of a laughing crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 696

You deserved it 4 378

By adamwilcockson - 18/09/2014 04:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 881

You deserved it 2 973

I'm tired

By DramaticSigh - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, a customer came in. Since I was behind the counter, I asked if she needed help with anything. I've worked there for five years, and I didn't recognize my own boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 838

You deserved it 36 238

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I once again confronted my boyfriend about tagging the girl he told me not to worry about in boyfriend/girlfriend memes on Facebook instead of me. He told me I was overreacting and, “it’s just social media!” He told me he’ll dump me if I bring it up again. We’ve been together for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 454

Today, after I broke up with my boyfriend about two weeks ago, I didn't think much of it since we haven't spoken, I went out on a date last night with an old friend, came back home and went to sleep… When I got up for work, I went out to my car to find someone had egged it. It still won't come off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 135

Today, my husband won't seek medical treatment for a condition he's been living with for years because he saw an episode of House, in which the treatment made the condition worse in a very rare instance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 102

You deserved it 1 831

Today, I wanted revenge on my neighbor, whose dog craps in my yard, so I spent a day at the dog park gathering up dog shit. I piled it up by the property line and ran over it with the mower, intending to spray his driveway and car with turds. Instead, it gummed up the mower. Now it stinks too bad to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 1 078

Today, I still can't poop unless I hear the sound of the bathroom fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 810

You deserved it 1 437

Today, I was at a Remembrance Day service when an old widow told me I had my "grandad's" medals on the wrong side of my coat. I told her that I was an Afghanistan veteran and that they were mine. She then berated me in front of the WHOLE service for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 408

You deserved it 2 855