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The truth

By uglyallover - 20/09/2009 14:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were playing a game where you ask sexual questions and you have to give an honest answer. At one point, I asked my boyfriend what his favorite position is, to which he quickly answered with no hesitation, "Any one where I don't have to see your face or body." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 453

You deserved it 4 472

By Anonymous - 25/05/2015 16:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up in my living room after having a party. I then realized my fish tank with many different species was missing from its usual spot. After searching for a few minutes, I finally found it in the freezer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 464

You deserved it 8 383

By wwasmer - 27/02/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, I hit a car while trying to answer a phone call from my mom. I quickly answered the phone and shouted "What!?". To which she replied, "I just had a bad feeling in my gut about you so I wanted to make sure you were ok." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 887

You deserved it 16 954

By Parade - 28/02/2011 06:00 - United States

Today, I was on the bus, it hit a bump on the road and made me hit a elderly man. The bus driver thought I did it on purpose and made me get off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 901

You deserved it 3 132

Winter is coming

By Yellow an - 26/01/2015 22:19 - United States

Today, all day, in a huge blizzard, I've been stuck with a very nice, but very ugly, toothless and rather large and somewhat smelly woman, who has been continuously saying, "It feels like we're dating. Doesn't it feel like we're dating?" Ugh. No, no it doesn't. And please don't kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 908

You deserved it 2 964

By Anonymous - 20/01/2011 20:05 - United States

Today, I dozed off during a lecture. When I woke up, I didn't recognize any of the people surrounding me, and I saw one guy pointing and laughing at me. It turns out, my professor instructed everyone to let me sleep because he wanted to see how long it would be before I woke up. I was asleep for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 087

You deserved it 34 257

By mandm - 24/09/2013 21:01 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had to explain to my son why it is not okay to slap old women's butts. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 262

You deserved it 4 956

By nobody - 28/02/2016 01:36 - United States - Petaluma

Today, my best friend said we couldn't be friends anymore because I'm too depressed or too happy all the time. After explaining for half an hour what bipolar depression was and how I have it he just said, "Bullshit!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 947

You deserved it 1 737

By jazz - 22/01/2010 08:11 - France

Today, I was holding hands with my daughter and she wanted to skip. When I went to skip I accidentally kneed her in the face. Everyone saw her holding her busted lip and pointing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 311

You deserved it 5 765

By :,< - 17/09/2012 17:16 - United States

Today, I took my daughter to a pony ride at the fair. I paid to have her picture taken, and when we got home, I emailed it to my mom. She replied, disgustedly pointing out that the pretty little pony was displaying a pretty little penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 439

You deserved it 2 628

By Anonymous - 27/11/2015 06:42 - France - Cateri

Spicy

Today, I had a boyfriend who wanted to wait until marriage before having sex. When I came home, I realised he must have married my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 597

You deserved it 2 202

By anew27 - 07/06/2013 05:48 - United States

Today, I could no longer handle the drum music in the apartment below me so I went to kindly ask the little old lady to shut it off before she goes to bed. Her neighbor came out while I knocked to tell me she is out of town and the music is constant so her cats don't get lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 228

You deserved it 3 346

anew27 tells us more.

anew27 5

Friday 7 June 2013 20:28

OP here, if it was Ted Nugent I was partaking of, I would kindly ask her to turn it up.

By BrokeAsHell - 30/05/2013 08:51 - Australia - Werribee

Today, my landlord emailed me, stating that she hasn't been receiving my rent. After some investigation, I found out she's been using the money to buy booze, and hasn't been putting it into the house owner's account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 939

You deserved it 2 891

By lostvideo - 24/08/2010 07:25 - Israel

Today, I realized that I hadn't seen my video camera in a while. After searching for several minutes in my room, I remembered that I had given it to my dad to hide before our month long trip (so even if someone broke into the house the video camera would be safe). He's forgotten where he hid it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 834

You deserved it 9 228

By Rory - 14/04/2012 22:19 - Canada - Toronto

Today, despite the fact that I'm really sick, my mom insisted that I come home and help babysit my cousins this weekend. When I got there, everyone else took off to do "errands," leaving me with three hyperactive, howler monkey-like children to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 229

You deserved it 2 872

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 919

You deserved it 3 875

By Anonymous - 05/03/2011 06:07 - Canada

Today, I was performing a show about pirates for a youth program. A child started crying because I wasn't a real pirate. A little girl took my defense, saying, "He's a real pirate, his teeth are all yellow!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 623

You deserved it 11 381

What we do in the shadows

By suspiciouspeople - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I discovered that sitting in the back of your car from 8 to 9 p.m. talking with a friend in a park area is suspicious enough behavior to have cops called on you, then for backup to arrive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 965

You deserved it 5 362

By Roxas - 14/02/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 845

You deserved it 3 263

You little…

By thathottchickk - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I volunteered to cater an event at school. A little girl asked for a big slice of cake so I gave it to her. She then puked everywhere and her parents blamed me and made me clean it up. The little girl sat there smiling at me while I cleaned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 706

You deserved it 3 794

It's true, though

By humiliated - 20/03/2016 11:54 - United Kingdom - London

Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 161

You deserved it 2 363

Poor choice of words

By moutz - 20/07/2009 07:13 - Australia

Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business, we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said, "Good luck in your final year." Without thinking, I replied, "You too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 382

You deserved it 15 336

Dire straits

By MrsCasillas - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my financial issues hit a new low when I had to borrow back some of the money I gave the guy who did my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 882

You deserved it 6 007

By Anonymous - 08/02/2016 17:43 - Austria

Today, I made a delicious casserole for dinner. Just as I was about to serve it, a bowl fell from the cupboard above, exploded on the counter and made it rain tiny, sharp glass shards on my food. I can't pick them all out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 917

You deserved it 1 791

All shook up

By Mike - 15/12/2010 11:57

Today, while giving a brief presentation at work, I blanked out on what I was going to say. I tried to make a joke and tell them I'd had a brain fart, but all I managed to say was, "I farted." Well, at least they all laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 090

You deserved it 8 705

Childish doofus

By -__- - 26/12/2015 13:41

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 413

You deserved it 3 008

By yus - 21/10/2014 19:46 - United States - Orange

Today, I got drug tested for the second time this week. It's Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 696

You deserved it 5 072

yus_fml tells us more.

yus_fml 17

Wednesday 22 October 2014 3:24

Hey, author here! So basically, I'm in high school and the school I go to does drug tests to all of the students and it is completely random. Some people are tested multiple times, other people are never tested. It is basically whatever the computer says. So no, It was not because I failed it the first time or because I was suspected of doing drugs.

By krt - 03/10/2010 23:29 - United States

Today, my dad found the ugliest picture my mom has ever taken. I show it to her laughing. She said it looks like me. I looked again and it kind of does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 106

You deserved it 7 815

By cowgirl927 - 18/04/2013 11:26 - United States

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 756

You deserved it 6 472

cowgirl927 tells us more.

cowgirl927 3

Friday 19 April 2013 4:25

OP here. Hi. Just wanted to say that I am extremely overprotective of my son. The house IS baby-proofed. The spray is always put up...this was the one time someone(not me) didn't put it up on its shelf. And I wasn't ignoring him. This is your standard, garden-variety "I stepped out of the room for one minute" kind of deal. Most moms know exactly what I'm talking about. So chill out some of you.

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I finally worked up the courage to play my friends the demo CD that I've spent all summer recording. I didn't tell them it was me. Not even 10 seconds into the first song, my best friend asked me to turn it off because it sucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 604

You deserved it 6 664

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

The Top

Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn't like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 576

You deserved it 4 500

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 373

You deserved it 4 311

Today, thinking maybe she could spare 5 minutes of her time and requires no work at all, I asked my wife for a handjob. She said no and told me I can “do it yourself.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 1 466

Today, after a month of things going wrong in my life and finally getting better, I woke up refreshed and ready to face the day. Then, I fell down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 154

Today, I was selling personalised stockings at work. When handing a customer's order over to her, which had no name on, I joked, "Oooh this is a bit mysterious". She replied, "Actually, it's in memory of the baby I miscarried earlier this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 076

You deserved it 10 019

Today, I was emptying a bag of grass from my lawn mower when I saw pieces of what used to be a 50 dollar bill. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 202

You deserved it 6 196