The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 218

You deserved it 4 089

By psuedodragon - 21/05/2013 17:20 - Canada - Regina

Today, while on my way to an important interview, I was stopped and ticketed for speeding. The ticket made me 20 minutes late, but when I showed up, I was told they forgot to call and let me know that the woman I was supposed to meet with called in sick this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 934

You deserved it 7 154

psuedodragon tells us more.

psuedodragon 23

Tuesday 21 May 2013 23:19

Funny you should mention zombie attacks... The reason I was late was because I slept through my alarm after a particularly intense, long weekend, zombie survival prep camp (basically a lot of running in between short classes on survival skills for three days). I know I shouldn't have been speeding, but it was important enough that the $135 would have been worth paying... y'know, if they hadn't forgotten to tell me it was cancelled...

By notmine - 20/04/2014 02:39 - India - New Delhi

Today, I work at a food joint as a chef, and a customer found a long strand of hair in her food. The manager blamed me, even though I'm bald. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 744

You deserved it 3 552

By Mkester - 24/03/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I was going to a concert. I left my wallet at home because I was afraid it would get stolen, or lost or something. After an awesome night, I came back home to find that my house had been broken into, and every dollar that was in my wallet got stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 329

You deserved it 7 014

Mkester tells us more.

Mkester 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 22:40

To clarify, they went through pretty much every drawer in the house, so I would have had to lock it in a safe or something, I suppose. And, it was Metallica :P

Ummmm… OK?

By Lionman - 05/04/2012 05:11 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, during my first man-to-man conversation with my girlfriend's father, he decided to mention the details of lion mating patterns he'd once witnessed. After a lengthy description of the lion's barbed penis, he said, "It also made me feel better about myself that I could last longer than a lion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 394

You deserved it 2 735

By TMI - 04/06/2011 16:41 - United States

Today, I had the misfortune of being left alone with my dad. He took it as an opportunity to tell me in detail all about his recent vasectomy, and the complications the surgeon had due to the scar tissue on my dad's testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 582

You deserved it 2 891

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 23:22 - Venezuela - Barquisimeto

Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 146

You deserved it 5 144

By Jessica - 28/02/2012 19:38 - United States

Today, I got my score back for the monologue I performed. I got points taken off for "seeming nervous." My character was supposed to be nervous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 349

You deserved it 2 669

By starbird - 23/02/2009 19:40 - United States

Today, I went to the Doctors and the nurse asked if I was married, in which I responded "yes". Then she asked if I was sexually active... "no". FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 128

You deserved it 10 641

By Anonymous - 24/04/2015 17:39 - Qatar - Doha

Today, my boss's incompetent, lazy son got another raise. He only started working here five months ago. Since then he's been promoted twice and given a Bentley as a company car. All this while company profits are in the shitter and the rest of us are facing a wave of layoffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 255

You deserved it 2 092

By whatever - 09/08/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I went out with my ex-boyfriend on a date. The night consisted of me sitting in the back seat of his friend's truck while they drove around to pick up things for the party they were going to have that same night. After they picked everything up, he asked where I wanted to get dropped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 915

You deserved it 27 405

By 5minsolder - 08/02/2011 01:21 - United States

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 402

You deserved it 3 642

By Halloween Fail - 01/11/2014 03:59 - United States - Braidwood

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed in Charlie Brown's ghost costume, a white sheet with holes all over. I got beat up for dressing like a member of the KKK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 940

You deserved it 7 630

By Anonymous - 22/12/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom's car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 983

You deserved it 3 355

My new BFF

By max - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my wife got a new best friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 255

You deserved it 4 548

By cole66 - 29/11/2015 18:43 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I realized that the "toothpaste" that I'm always cleaning out with my hands from the sink drain is actually my little brother's semen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 603

You deserved it 3 182

By anonymous - 04/09/2014 01:31 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, it was report card day at swimming lessons. Because it was the last day, a little girl brought me flowers. She was the only kid in that class who didn't pass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 200

You deserved it 4 106

By thenewone - 19/11/2009 20:09 - Brazil

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 835

You deserved it 2 220

By Ugh - 13/09/2015 06:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that I moan too much when we have sex. I actually just fake my moans in an effort to cover the sound of my cracking hips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 423

You deserved it 5 917

By Bill Harrison - 19/07/2011 15:19 - United States

Today, I had a completely normal work day. Other than the fact that my boss dressed up like the lead singer from KISS and hit us with a foam sword at random. My boss is 49. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 450

You deserved it 6 748

By Oops - 02/11/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I was at a party and saw an old friend from college. I went up to her asking how she was and how her family was. She went on to tell me that her husband left her a month ago and started crying. I told her that he was an ass anyway and that she didn't need him. Turns out he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 649

You deserved it 14 952

By jessiebear159 - 28/05/2015 07:04 - United States - Menahga

Today, I got engaged. When I called my father, who is out of state for a few days, to tell him, his response was, "What'd you do that for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 396

You deserved it 2 902

jessiebear159 tells us more.

jessiebear159 16

Friday 29 May 2015 8:23

Thank you for congratulating me. I agree that my father's response was probably just from shock. He called me not long after we hung up the first time and apologized for reacting that way. I am the youngest of his children and his only daughter, he may just not be ready to let me go yet. He has only been married once, to my mother, and they have been married happily for 22 years. I appreciate the advice that was given and I plan to talk to him more about his concerns when he gets back this coming week.

By that was mine - 15/05/2015 22:26 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my mom cleaned out my bank account, saying my "no-good dad" owes her child support and that she'll get it one way or another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 946

You deserved it 2 355