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By awesome - 23/03/2011 00:18

Today, my friends thought it would be hilarious to show me Marley and Me the day right after I had to put down my dog. I had my dog for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 501

You deserved it 4 248

The Anti-Karen

By Anonymous - 28/08/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looked at me with accepting eyes and after I'd finished said, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 888

You deserved it 48 825

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 06:24 - United States

Today, I was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. After writing the ticket, he asked me why I was wearing a surgical mask. I told him that swine flu was found in our area and I was scared. He thought that I was insulting him and wrote me another ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 332

You deserved it 16 699

By vikingunicorn - 23/05/2010 05:47 - Canada

Today, I was feeling very ill after a severe anxiety attack. I asked my boyfriend to hold my hand until I fell asleep. He said he couldn't because he needed both hands to play on his gameboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 909

You deserved it 7 537

By JordanVilleneuve - 28/01/2011 03:35 - Canada

Today, I went to the park and sat down on a bench to enjoy my coffee. I heard a few young girls behind me talking about how their first experience of sex was. I turned around to see how old these girls really were. One of them was my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 350

You deserved it 7 555

By Happy 20th! - 28/07/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, it's my 20th birthday! Happy birthday to me! My boyfriend threw a beer can through my back wind-shield after breaking up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 818

You deserved it 4 606

By cachucy - 18/03/2012 15:04 - United States - Geneva

Today, I was walking to a café with my soon-to-be boss. While crossing a busy street, I slipped in a puddle and accidentally grabbed his junk to catch myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 733

You deserved it 3 530

By Viciousvixen_21 - 02/04/2011 07:35 - United States

Today, I asked my 2 year old son to clean up his toys. When I bent down to give him a good job kiss afterwards, he punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 685

You deserved it 12 252

By Cassandra - 14/10/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, my mom took a bright red sharpie and drew a red circle just above my breasts. She said, "If I can see this, ever, your shirt is either too low cut or too see through and it will be thrown away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 12 224

By Cxisbest - 23/03/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 016

You deserved it 10 653

By Biological - 11/02/2010 12:22 - United States

Today, I found out that I was not adopted and in fact my parents are my biological parents. How did I find out? Over dinner. How long have I been believing I was adopted? 22 years. Why did I start believing I was adopted? My siblings thought it would be a funny joke. My mom played along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 758

You deserved it 3 497

By hockey9797 - 15/07/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I was hit by a car. My sister ran to see if her phone I was carrying in my purse was okay. She screamed at me while I lay in the street because I was so dumb, and that I couldn't even watch for cars. Her screen was cracked. I had to call 911 for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 772

You deserved it 4 027

hockey9797 tells us more.

hockey9797 0

Wednesday 15 July 2009 23:21

yeah i broke both my arm and leg on my right side and a few ribs it's not fake

By person - 10/06/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I busted my ass to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get paid. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 401

You deserved it 9 530

Getting on

By S. Michaels - 14/03/2012 15:17 - United States

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 458

You deserved it 3 693

By gonavybeatarmy - 31/05/2012 05:28 - United States - San Diego

Today, I almost got kidnapped. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 675

You deserved it 4 991

By Gabriel A - 15/01/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, I found some nude vintage pictures in my house. I decided to beat my meat to them. Later I found out it was my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 295

You deserved it 84 458

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 20:13 - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 653

You deserved it 3 536

By LonerCow - 20/01/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 644

You deserved it 11 658

By Anonymous - 16/05/2012 21:56 - Sweden - V?llingby

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 210

You deserved it 39 736

By JazzSpazz - 11/08/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 933

You deserved it 24 156

By BadTime - 30/08/2011 09:35 - United States

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 266

You deserved it 3 641

Freakout

By Brie - 29/05/2011 18:22 - United States

Today, against my wishes, my family and I went swimming with sharks. While in the shark cage, a shark got within a few feet of us. My cowardly bowels objected and caused me to shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 010

You deserved it 11 775

By Raprotcommander - 07/02/2011 15:47 - United States

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 302

You deserved it 54 325

By no low five - 30/11/2011 11:17 - United States

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 906

You deserved it 6 066

By Stupid - 20/04/2011 02:29 - United States

Today, my manager told me to throw out some of the old toys at the daycare we work at. I can't because I've seen Toy Story 3, and thinking about them in a dump makes me cry. I'm 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 155

You deserved it 18 649

By Natalie - 02/03/2010 22:05 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 444

You deserved it 5 241

By scumbag i guess - 08/09/2012 00:26 - United States - El Paso

Today, I went out to a club, hoping to score. I'd read about a trick pickup artists use called "negging" and decided to try it out. As I finished complimenting a girl for being brave enough to have not made much of an effort with her makeup, she slammed her knee between my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 895

You deserved it 53 529

By seriouslywtf - 28/04/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 432

You deserved it 9 302

By myles bevan - 09/09/2010 10:01 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst sat next to a old lady on a flight back to the UK, I exclaimed how I wished somebody would gag the crying baby a few rows behind us. Her reply was, "That's my grandson." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 149

You deserved it 39 981

By allwrong - 16/03/2010 10:27 - Australia

Today, after years of thinking I was weird for never being attracted to anyone, I realized that for the first time in my life I actually have a crush on someone. That 'someone' is my English teacher. He is 60. I am 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 267

You deserved it 13 278

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The Top

Today, I sat down in a hair salon. The guy getting his hair cut before me then told the girl doing the cutting that he's on a 2-week quarantine and he's not sure whether or not he's got Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 130

Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 670

You deserved it 3 174

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 1 419

Today, I went for a checkup after having recently been fitted with dental implants. The oral surgeon I chose was supposedly the best in the area, but it turns out that he inserted the implants at the wrong angle. Now I have to have further surgery to correct it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 596

You deserved it 2 624

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 127

You deserved it 1 903

Today, my art teacher fawned over my friend's photographs of random children and people making out, while she called my picture of an old man looking thoughtful on a pier "creepy" and "voyeuristic." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 143