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Hi to all! I'M THE AUTHOR OF THIS FML :) Thanks for your votes and conversation! Some remarks: my car is Skoda Fabia (2002), windshield was Ok before this thing happened, and the windshield was cracked by the wiper holder (wiper arm), without a wiper itself. It of course didn't break into pieces - just the inferior layer of the glass got a "star" of cracks 10-15 cm each which are gradually growing :( P.S. In my country (Ukraine) average month salary is probably ~$250 and up to 1/3 of people live for half of that. P.P.S. I myself was surprised to see my wipers stolen as those old ones cost $3-4 max :) And I thought that steeling such things was left somewhere in 1990-s

By NotThePotty - 19/10/2015 10:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, according to daycare, my son is behind in his potty training curriculum because we are not "celebrating his natural bodily functions" enough. He turned 2 a week ago, and he peed on our bed last night because we're trying to meet this demand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 527

You deserved it 3 014

By kazmatazz - 17/05/2012 10:33 - Oman

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 546

You deserved it 9 111

Awkward

By ChickenBallsPlease - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 801

You deserved it 16 890

Smooth gym bro

By Dkim620 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 831

You deserved it 4 501

By Anonymous - 07/11/2013 17:12 - Ireland

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 698

You deserved it 4 056

By Customer Stonage Representative - 21/10/2011 12:10 - Canada

Today, still suffering from an eye infection, I received a customer complaint. Having red eyes, asking how a patron's day went, and thanking them as they left my register obviously means that I must be stoned out of my mind. Apparently I've moved to a city where you must be on drugs if you're nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 884

You deserved it 2 530

The poop delivery lady

By Why Me - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 484

You deserved it 2 861

Worst babysitter ever

By shira512 - 10/08/2012 23:59 - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, after much debate, my husband convinced me to let his scumbag brother babysit our seven-year-old son while we went out to a restaurant. When we got home, we found him teaching our son how to pick the lock to our liquor cabinet. My husband is unapologetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 267

You deserved it 4 055

By Anonymous - 15/06/2013 07:32 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, my sister sent me countless pictures of my boyfriend making out with different girls at a bar. His excuse? Photoshop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 234

You deserved it 4 333

By what did I do? - 15/10/2015 19:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She slapped me in the face, stormed out and won't answer my calls. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 382

You deserved it 2 565

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 04:16 - United States

Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 719

You deserved it 4 022

By saltynutz20 - 07/04/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 734

You deserved it 8 055

Not funny

By Spawn_of_Satan - 27/03/2009 15:18 - Hong Kong

Today, whilst my parents and I were out, my older brother thought it would be funny to play porn on my computer. At full volume. With my window wide open. Now my next-door neighbors tell their kids I'm a spawn of Satan, and the weird guy from across the street winks at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 168

You deserved it 7 434

By Anonymous - 12/03/2014 03:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 914

You deserved it 6 131

By Kenny - 24/01/2014 07:16 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, I noticed my laptop kept shutting down and the mouse cursor was all over the place, clicking on every folder. I dismantled the entire computer only to notice something in one of my USB drives: the receiver to a wireless mouse my colleague put there earlier to play a prank on me. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 39 471

You deserved it 8 348

By fmlfmboyfriendah - 13/02/2009 14:37 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 929

You deserved it 19 907

By WeiXinLun - 25/12/2013 06:22 - United States - Union City

Today, my new neighbors moved in. They have a chihuahua that constantly barks all throughout the day. It makes a great addition to my other neighbors that have a rooster that goes off at sunrise every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 010

You deserved it 2 979

WeiXinLun tells us more.

WeiXinLun 16

Wednesday 25 December 2013 23:23

OP here! this actual happened a while ago, but the principle is still the same. the neighbors with the chihuahua, they occasionally yell at the dog to shut up. for the most part, they do nothing. it's not too loud to legally make a noise complaint, but loud enough to be an awful annoyance. as for the ones with the rooster, they don't even speak English. they're from Hong Kong, so they only speak Cantonese, which i don't speak. and i live in the middle of suburbia, so the rooster is very illegal. a 1000$ fine, i believe, if reported. the rooster usually gets really loud around 10, so it sometimes wakes me up, sometimes not. the chihuahua is pretty much 24/7. any more suggestions are more than welcome though, thanks!

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 23:17 - United States

Today, I checked my sister's diary, because I was worried about her recent angry and withdrawn behavior. She caught me in the act, and my mom, whom I've caught blatantly snooping through my stuff multiple times now, grounded me for my "disgusting" violation of my sister's privacy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 106

You deserved it 37 200