The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By Arielle - 31/01/2012 11:07 - Australia

Today, I went to the hospital emergency room to visit my boyfriend who had badly sliced his leg open. It ended with me being admitted with a possible head trauma, after hitting my head on the wall and floor as I collapsed at the sight of his wound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 634

You deserved it 4 412

Panic!

By Lotje13 - 01/01/2012 00:19 - Hungary

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 822

You deserved it 2 622

Nice timing

By whitneyy - 03/08/2009 12:04 - Australia

Today, I went to my grandfather's funeral. As I stood there, bawling my eyes out, my aunt came over and put her arm around me. She leaned her head close to mine. I assumed she was going to say something comforting. Instead she asked where I'd bought my shoes from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 179

You deserved it 3 284

They think it's all over… it is now

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was refereeing a soccer match and I called a foul. An angry coach kept screaming at me, saying, "You're crazy!" I asked him to leave the field. As he left, he lifted his middle finger and screamed, "FUCK YOU!" I ref 5-year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 052

You deserved it 3 475

By Anonymous - 24/07/2009 09:32 - India

Today, I finally got the courage to ask out the guy I've liked for a long time. He's a cashier at a grocery store. It was about 1am and I was his last customer, everything seemed just right. Just when I was about to ask him to the movies, a drunk girl stumbles in and asks him out. He said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 694

You deserved it 6 976

By Huedadaa - 19/10/2013 00:05 - France - Cauffry

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 230

You deserved it 5 043

By SadFace - 12/09/2013 12:39 - Australia - Newmarket

Today, my two closest friends declared that they hated each other. They're my bridesmaids. The wedding is in three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 842

You deserved it 3 864

By Weldingtags - 28/10/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, my dad asked if I'd help him clean the gutters. I was given the responsibility of holding the ladder while he went on the roof. All I heard was laughter before a year's worth of rotting vegetation landed on top of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 135

You deserved it 2 968

By has an old monitor - 05/12/2014 14:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, the family computer's 15-year-old CRT monitor which gives me headaches finally stopped working. My dad quickly found a replacement: an even older CRT monitor that gives me worse headaches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 955

You deserved it 3 249

The voice

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Madison

Today, after finishing a song during karaoke, a man came up to me and held out his hand. Quite flattered, I shook it, said thanks and that I was glad he enjoyed it. Turns out he was next and just wanted the microphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 515

You deserved it 10 175

Been around the world and I, I, I, I can't find my luggage

By 1942ford - 23/07/2013 02:18 - United States - Lynnwood

Today, I called an airline to try to locate a bag I left on a flight. When I told the phone rep which airport I flew into, he asked me what city it was in. He paused after I told him, then asked me what state Seattle is in. I don't think I'll be getting my bag back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 234

You deserved it 3 828

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 21:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 874

You deserved it 8 420

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 823

You deserved it 6 896

By oops - 22/08/2014 14:35 - Australia - Wembley

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 534

You deserved it 50 770

Look out!

By station - 05/05/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 958

You deserved it 57 255

By stupidoldcar - 16/11/2009 02:59 - United States

Today, I finished installing a brand new engine in my old car. It cost just over $6000. Later, I was waiting at a red light and an uninsured drunk driver smashed into it head on. It's completely totaled. I got to drive it 5 miles. The car is worth $1000, even with a new engine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 294

You deserved it 4 412

By pantydropper - 17/04/2013 19:01 - United States

Today, I grabbed a pair of pants from the dryer in a hurry, trying to make it to the bank. When I rushed in, I felt something fall down my leg. It was a pair of my mom's granny panties that had been stuck inside my jeans. I kicked them aside, hoping no one would notice. They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 404

You deserved it 10 692

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 11:44 - United States

Today, I got tasered by a cop. It was his second day on the job. My crime? Sneezing during a sobriety test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 913

You deserved it 2 478

Bad timing

By amya - 17/10/2009 08:39 - Canada

Today, I had a phone interview for a job I've had my eye on forever. I was dumped a few hours before the interview, but was okay until I was put on hold with music playing. Me and my boyfriend's song came on and I started bawling. I could hardly talk when they took me off hold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 396

You deserved it 9 961

By MaKaDa - 23/09/2009 11:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized that my coach doesn't close the door and the blinds to perform half-naked body checks (to make sure his team is in shape) on anyone else but me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 734

You deserved it 4 838

Dirty talk

By awkward - 22/02/2014 05:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 650

You deserved it 10 492

Functioning

By Violet - 19/04/2011 09:50 - Australia

Today, I realised that what I had thought was my dad's default state for the past 17 years is actually his drunken state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 321

You deserved it 3 403

By BreakingTheMood - 13/11/2013 18:08 - Finland - Vanda

Spicy

Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 980

You deserved it 4 478

My idea of fun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found out that since no other procedures are working, I was required to stop eating, and drink a bunch of foul tasting "goo", which will in turn give me constant diarrhea. This will then prepare me nicely for the long tube with a camera on the end of which will be shoved up my rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 751

You deserved it 3 917

By Anonymous - 31/10/2011 04:12 - United States

Today, while in the car with my mom, she gave me a lecture about how bad of a driver I am. During that process she ran a red light and hit a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 287

You deserved it 2 655

Devious

By savvylady - 18/06/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 671

You deserved it 6 736

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 03:07 - United States

Today, my younger brother called me saying he's getting married. Now, I have to attend my ex's wedding. I'm the best man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 983

You deserved it 3 205

By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 15:35 - Romania

Spicy

Today, in my journalism class, after trying hard to find some actual news to comment, we ended up talking about gay porn and fashion designers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 488

You deserved it 21 120

By FalloutScrolls - 13/11/2015 14:49 - United States - Eau Claire

Today, I got several angry messages on Facebook, demanding to know how I could cheat on my wife. They didn't believe me when I said I had no idea what they meant. Turns out my wife made a sarcastic post about my "new mistress". She was talking about Fallout 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 339

You deserved it 3 022

FalloutScrolls tells us more.

FalloutScrolls 25

Saturday 14 November 2015 2:18

Hey guys, OP here. So the actual FML character limit doesn't allow for part 2 of this story. My wife actually did mention Fallout in the post, but because it was rather lengthy and the punchline was towards the end, people knee-jerk overreacted to what they saw, and didn't notice that the long post was abbreviated on Facebook with a "read more" link. Several messages later, all is cleared up, and we're laughing about it now.

By Anonymous - 10/08/2014 18:12 - United Kingdom - Ilminster

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 320

You deserved it 10 054

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Kids Family Miscellaneous Friends Toxic Confused Love Pranks Money Scams Religion Cheating Parenting Dating NSFW Work Cooking Health Painful AITA Stalker My ex Coworkers Internet Relatable Awkward Pokémon Annoying Shopping Underwear

The Top

The Top

Today, while teaching my brother to drive on the freeway, I told him to downshift from 4th to 3rd. He went into 1st instead, blowing my engine and transmission. I can't afford to get it fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 618

You deserved it 565

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 870

You deserved it 64 666

Today, I had too much to eat at dinner. I had to cut sexy time with my husband short because I couldn't do it. I feel bad because it's his birthday today but we stopped. I then proceeded to throw up everything I ate today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 665

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 469

You deserved it 42 646

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 294

You deserved it 3 282

Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 353

You deserved it 36 328