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By Anonymous - 27/12/2014 21:15 - United States

Today, I was chatting with the girl of my dreams, a real heart-to-heart. Everything was going great, and I asked her if she'd like to get coffee together sometime. She immediately backed away and excused herself, mumbling something about not dating left-handed people. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 442

You deserved it 2 702

By Grindwhore - 17/09/2012 10:46 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 246

You deserved it 2 363

Grindwhore tells us more.

Grindwhore 2

Tuesday 18 September 2012 7:01

They have yet to give me a reason why, I'm still confused as hell.

By ywouldudomelikethat - 03/01/2016 20:02 - United States - Renton

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 678

You deserved it 4 612

By turnedoff - 18/06/2012 01:00 - United States

Today, I kindly asked my boyfriend to shave his pubic hair to make oral sex more enjoyable for me. He declined, saying, "Think of it as flossing your teeth. I'm doing you a much needed favor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 716

You deserved it 5 882

By Remember the parking brake - 06/10/2010 23:41 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making love in the backseat. Being in the moment we didn't notice the car moving. We DID notice the pole that stopped us though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 177

You deserved it 37 225

By Tequila - 20/06/2011 16:12 - Netherlands

Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 604

You deserved it 3 219

By liz1234 - 23/03/2009 00:11 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. His mom called to him from the next room telling him dinner would be ready soon, he needed to move his car, etc. They had a 5 minute conversation...while he was still inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 256

You deserved it 8 146

By MSURebel70 - 16/07/2010 23:48 - United States

Today, I found out I've been incorrectly sorting thousands of papers for the past two weeks. My boss wanted them sorted by date, but the co-worker who instructed me said to sort them into alphabetical order just to watch me fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 978

You deserved it 3 376

By waiting till marriage, she said - 10/06/2015 15:28 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my apparently insane and now ex-girlfriend actually claimed she didn't technically cheat on me, because she set her Facebook relationship to "single" before screwing my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 221

You deserved it 2 529

By NotAPrincess - 12/05/2015 16:38 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while waitressing, I served a family with a little girl who was wearing a Frozen shirt. I told her I'm friends with Elsa and that she taught me to sing. The girl asked me to sing a song, so I did. Not even 5 seconds in, she started bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 302

You deserved it 12 675

By MDoremis - 21/04/2015 13:37 - United States

Today, I was walking in the shoes I'm going to wear for a wedding and fell, spraining my ankle. I'm the Matron of Honor and I can barely walk. The wedding is in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 101

You deserved it 4 363

MDoremis tells us more.

MDoremis 38

Wednesday 22 April 2015 5:38

Thanks for all the well wishes and advice! I got some X-rays done and thankfully nothing was fractured or broken (and the screws from a previous break did not get wrenched loose in the fall)! I've been lucky enough to be assigned to completing the tasks, favors and whatnot, where I can prop my foot up and keep ice on it. I've also purchased a nice pair of flats, because there is no way I'm falling and breaking myself day of the wedding. As for a response from the bride, she pretty much told me it took a lot longer to fall than she thought it would (I'm super, super clumsy), and to keep off my feet so I can still be in the wedding without hurting myself again.

By why they bomb - 09/03/2015 06:01 - Canada - Campbell River

Today, feeling in need of a self-esteem boost, I took what I thought was a good selfie and I put it on Facebook. Out of 500 friends, the only response I got was a picture of Saddam Hussein with the caption, "This is why I bomb people." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 952

You deserved it 7 860

Never forget

By expassword - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging her, she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 552

You deserved it 3 834

By Jennyfromdablock - 31/12/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 916

You deserved it 36 358

By ouch - 12/12/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 947

You deserved it 41 982

By Anonymous - 16/11/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad has been having an affair. With my formerly favorite teacher. The best part? Yesterday, she announced to the class that she was pregnant. I clapped and congratulated her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 767

You deserved it 2 536

By Chubby - 02/11/2009 20:39 - Belgium

Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen to me, and threw his food through the kitchen, so I punished him. When his mother came home he ran to her and said, "Mommy, mommy, it's not true what you told me, fat people are NOT nice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 585

You deserved it 5 544

Blunder

By Anonymous - 07/04/2009 16:36 - United States

Today, I was working at a portrait studio and was taking pictures of a little girl, I kept telling the girl to stop making silly faces when she smiles because her eyes go cross-eyed. After the third time I said it her mom grabbed the little girl and left. Turns out, she was naturally cross-eyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 551

You deserved it 58 274

By Marine - 28/03/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I sent my boyfriend of over a year a text message telling him how much I loved him, how perfect he is for me and what I love about him. He sent me back a text saying, "I thought you had class." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 313

You deserved it 8 510

By wondercat40 - 24/04/2014 21:19 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 646

You deserved it 8 902

wondercat40 tells us more.

wondercat40 28

Saturday 26 April 2014 21:26

He just stared blankly at me as I ran off, and that's definitely not a good sign of anything! I see him at my band classes, but I haven't spoken to him since. Thank you for the comments, a lot of them made me laugh. I don't know the where the Jesus drummer's band came from either, it was a local band that I forgot the name of. However, I think it was a Christian band. Oh, the irony.

By Amandajean32 - 05/08/2010 00:02 - United States

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 854

You deserved it 2 635