The Top

The tan actually looked really good, not orange. And I don't go tanning all the time. That was the first time ever. Just wanted to for prom. And I did get front bangs.

By jalapenos99 - 02/04/2009 00:36 - United States

Today, I was playing in a basketball game and blocked this kid's shot. I was really pumped up about it until I realized the kid had cerebral palsy and the coach put him on the team because he really wanted to be on at least one team in his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 627

You deserved it 54 902

Christmas Racket

By Dave - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Tallahassee

Today, my 5 kids were singing their favorite Christmas carols in the van, each trying to sing louder than the others. It would have probably sounded better if they were all singing the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 053

You deserved it 4 657

By unwanted - 24/12/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, I realized my wife often switches the TV channel from the crime dramas we both like, to Hollywood gossip shows that I can't stand, just to get me to leave the room. From the other room, I can see that she switches back once I've left. She's probably been doing this for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 054

You deserved it 3 698

By Anonymous - 22/10/2013 16:47 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 449

You deserved it 13 206

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, a man tried to rob the winery I worked at by knife-point. I managed to scare him off by throwing a bottle of wine at him. My boss fired me because I broke a $25 bottle of wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 724

You deserved it 2 837

Mr Popular

By mcdman - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, one of my employees lit my tie on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 484

You deserved it 6 000

By whyme - 12/09/2013 14:44 - United States - Tampa

Today, I was standing in line at the grocery store waiting for my husband. After a while, I feel him kissing my neck, so I turn to tell him that it's not appropriate in public. It wasn't my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 779

You deserved it 4 579

By anon - 12/12/2014 01:43 - United States - Commack

Today, at my daughter's ballet recital, after she was done dancing, grown adults booed. She's five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 449

You deserved it 2 821

Sexy talk

By suckstosuck - 23/07/2013 04:04 - United States - Dana Point

Today, I was getting freaky with my boyfriend and told him to spank me. In a seductive voice, he told me not to tell him what to do. Continuing, I asked him how he was going to punish me, to which he then replied, "I'm going to punch you straight in the face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 793

You deserved it 13 704

No refunds

By minaaaaajftw - 13/07/2012 20:13 - Norway - Jessheim

Today, I went to the grocery store with three bags full of sausages that I'd drunkenly bought the night before. Even though the manager remembered me, he wouldn't give me a refund, and now I'll be lucky if I can pay my rent this month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 746

You deserved it 37 801

By KarolBee - 14/05/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for our one year anniversary. Trying to be romantic, I told him that I loved him and I was so glad I was with him. He responded by giving me a thumbs-up and turning back to the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 784

You deserved it 6 496

By horselover7766 - 25/04/2012 23:08 - United States - Sewell

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 502

You deserved it 2 709

By Adam - 24/05/2011 05:54

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 838

You deserved it 5 459

By ouchh - 11/09/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 959

You deserved it 7 335

Safety test

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned how to use a fire extinguisher. Too bad it was on my brand new oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 344

You deserved it 4 450

Creep in chief

By wow @ creepy fuckers - 17/11/2012 01:06 - United States

Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 193

You deserved it 6 160

By Anonymous - 26/10/2013 00:49 - United States - Adrian

Today, my boyfriend told me how jealous he gets when I "hang out" with Dylan. Dylan is the 5-year-old boy whom I babysit every day. My boyfriend wants me to stop, because apparently Dylan cockblocks him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 283

You deserved it 5 360

Stiched up

By familyofpsychos - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 940

You deserved it 2 460

By 479firefighter - 10/12/2010 05:11

Today, my wife was complaining she always has to put up the Christmas tree. So this year while she was out shopping, I decided to put it up. I set it too close to the fireplace and it caught fire. I'm a firefighter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 907

You deserved it 41 997

479firefighter tells us more.

479firefighter 0

Sunday 12 December 2010 7:27

um I have a degree in firefighting I'm 26 and the tree was too big to start with and it was fake. plus we have a open fire place. so I put the tree in the best possible spot. my bad I put it out b4 it hurt any of the house.... no more tree tho

By igiveup - 21/06/2012 18:19 - United States

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 822

You deserved it 11 598