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By nerdgirlmickey - 03/03/2013 16:05 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 049

You deserved it 6 960

By MenSuck - 01/09/2009 03:56 - United States

Today, I told the guy I have been sort of dating that I want to connect emotionally before sleeping with him. He told me that he already had an emotional connection with his fiancée and was only interested in sleeping with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 417

You deserved it 9 111

mensuck tells us more.

mensuck 0

Thursday 3 September 2009 22:07

Just to clear the air: 1.I'm not a ****, obviously, since I didn't sleep with the creep 2.I did not know about the girl 3.Sort of dating means: going on dates, kissing, holding hands, but not boyfriend/girlfriend (aka that weird stage when your facebook relationship status goes blank or to it's complicated) 4.Trust me, I ran very fast, and there were no obvious warning signs 5.Thanks for reading.

Please don't do that

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulled away, goes, "OMNOMNOMNOM" then continued kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 367

You deserved it 22 556

Having fun?

By hoho5191 - 20/07/2009 16:50 - United States

Today, I was at a friend's party. Her neighbor and I really hit it off. We went off into the woods and left everyone, including her parents, at the bonfire. We started hooking up when my friend ran over. Apparently they could see everything. We had on glow stick necklaces and bracelets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 076

You deserved it 69 527

Pure animal magnetism

By Anonymous - 29/01/2015 21:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 191

You deserved it 16 907

Mad beliefs

By GodSquad - 26/09/2013 08:06 - United Kingdom - Blackburn

Today, I found out that the girl I've fallen in love with is a "young-earth/dinosaurs-lived-with-humans" crackpot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 444

You deserved it 8 009

By charma - 11/07/2009 13:14 - United States

Today, my daughter was telling everyone at her elementry school about my gay partner. Yes, I have a gay partner. He is my work partner and he happens to be gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 188

You deserved it 5 146

By **(: - 09/08/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 573

You deserved it 12 619

By mets300 - 13/04/2013 11:22 - United States - Oneida

Today, my laziness hit a new low when I sat on an unopened folding chair to avoid the effort of opening it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 834

You deserved it 100 663

mets300 tells us more.

mets300 8

Monday 11 November 2013 7:08

Hey guys op here again. I was so overtired that I couldn't quite put it together that one should in fact unfold a folding chair to properly use it. I should have made this clear, I suppose, based on the colossal backlash I've received. Thanks, all.

By runandmope - 29/07/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, while on my run, I saw a middle-aged man sleeping near a business condo. I approached him and asked if he was "ok." He grabbed my leg, held onto it with a death-grip, and moped about how horrible his life was - for ten minutes. At least the weather was nice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 840

You deserved it 8 967

By Anonymous - 29/05/2015 14:23 - United States - Bradenton

Today, my father told me that my mental health issues, which have been confirmed by multiple doctors and tests, are all caused by the fact that I'm slightly overweight and don't exercise a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 456

You deserved it 4 801

By fifthtimesacharm - 26/04/2011 15:03

Today, it's hot and sunny, and a customer asked me how I was, I responded by saying "It's a hot sunny day. Who doesn't love the sun?" He responded by telling me he had just had three melanomas cut out. I guess I did find someone who doesn't like the sun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 926

You deserved it 5 569

Thanks…

By airrinw_33 - 21/01/2013 03:55 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 102

You deserved it 5 740

By Anonymous - 29/04/2015 17:42 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I kept hearing a child creepily giggling in my living room. I couldn't sleep and got so scared that I started considering hiring an exorcist. Long story short: be careful if you have Bluetooth speakers, because your dickhead neighbor might hack them and start fucking with you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 881

You deserved it 5 252

By Abendigo77 - 14/01/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 598

You deserved it 6 849

Desperate

By tp2014 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Jesup

Today, I was looking for a job. I was so desperate for gas money to drive around town that I had to steal $20 from my sister. She's only 10 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 857

You deserved it 23 461

By mystery - 07/12/2013 21:55 - United States - Minot

Today, I found out that I take long enough showers for my boyfriend to sleep with my sister and put everything back to normal before I get out. I found out when I needed more shampoo that was in a shopping bag in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 762

You deserved it 5 902

By cheese123 - 03/01/2012 05:25 - United States

Today, my grandmother introduced me to her friends as her 16-year-old granddaughter "who has never been kissed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 298

You deserved it 3 221

You're gonna be a star

By JJ101 - 19/02/2010 11:52 - Australia

Today, I was teaching a special techniques class for ballet and was focusing on pirouettes. I was teaching a group of 8 year-olds, and one student could do perfect triple turns one after the other. I still can't do them, and I've been dancing for 15 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 240

You deserved it 6 123

Big whoops

By Anonymous - 11/11/2013 15:55 - United States

Today, I was at a party with a few of my friends. We saw a guy walking around with bright pink lipstick all over his mouth, so we made a bet to see who could match the lipstick to the girl first. I won. It was my girlfriend's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 649

You deserved it 4 585

By Anonymous - 04/03/2016 20:22 - United States - Newark

Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 207

You deserved it 1 734

By dust1535538 - 13/10/2011 16:55 - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket while taking my drivers license test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 448

You deserved it 38 402

dust1535538 tells us more.

dust1535538 8

Friday 14 October 2011 13:58

First off, this is my FML. Second, I was on a road that just so happened to not have a posted speed limit. So I just assumed the speed limit to be 45, unfortunatly according to the law here on a unposted road the limit is 35. No I didn't pass.

By dareyale - 26/07/2013 06:10 - United States - Bessemer

Today, my grandma walked into my house drunk. She was mumbling something about her being a badass because she beat someone with a pool stick at a bar. She's 68 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 118

You deserved it 4 167

dareyale tells us more.

dareyale 13

Sunday 28 July 2013 22:41

Hey guys OP here. Well I love my grandma but she always decides to come in during the early hours of the morning. She's always been like this. This one time when I was younger she took me on a wild hunt for her boyfriend. We pulled up outside an old motel and there he was. In a car. With a Hooker. My grandma jumped out the car and took off. She pulled them both out the car and started beating him. Have you ever seen a Hooker take off so fast in heels?!