Top

Umm. The only reason It happened because we were just starting 3rd shit at that IHOP And the only people who realized that we were open were the drunk people. So there's bound to be assholes. And I deserve it for my name? Ummm No.

It's a sign!

By unknown951 - this FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I went to the doctor because recently I've had a white liquid coming from my breast. I found out it's milk. I'm not pregnant. FML

agreeclassic 34 040

vote type 1 4 830

Meat is murder

By meatballz - 16/03/2010 04:28 - United States

Today, I went on my first date with a girl I have been infatuated with for months. At the restaurant, the waiter came while she was in the bathroom. I ordered steaks for both of us. Turns out, she is vegetarian, and doesn't like it when men are "overly aggressive." She called me a cow murderer. FML

agreeclassic 17 471

vote type 1 43 848

Don't do this to me

By backtosquareone - 04/10/2011 05:22 - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

agreeclassic 14 875

vote type 1 44 296

By Anonymous - 24/11/2010 02:37 - Canada

Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML

agreeclassic 31 236

vote type 1 5 160

By iTried - 28/01/2016 12:12 - United States - Houston

Today, I found out my best friend was cheating on her boyfriend. After confronting her boyfriend and showing him proof, he responded with denial and didn't believe me. Now my whole circle of friends not only think I'm trying to start a rumor, but that I'm a home wrecker. FML

agreeclassic 22 587

vote type 1 8 798

Damper

By bleh - 23/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML

agreeclassic 31 539

vote type 1 6 844

Consent

By jon - 31/08/2012 21:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. I thought I'd be spontanous and spice things up, and gave her a spank across the butt. She started crying. FML

agreeclassic 32 765

vote type 1 18 131

Get a look at this

By Buttscratcher - 03/03/2012 16:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was suffering from a persistant, irritating itch on my butthole. Worried, I took a picture with my iPhone to get an idea of what was causing said itch. I never found the source, but my Mum and grandmother did, on the iPad. Thanks, Photo Stream. FML

agreeclassic 14 928

vote type 1 31 890

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 15:30 - United States

Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML

agreeclassic 32 716

vote type 1 18 313

Who's Christina?

By Beantown girl - 31/10/2011 00:58 - United States

Today, I was using my boyfriend's phone to call my mom. A text message arrived from "Christina" that said, "Just put the kids to bed, come over." He swears they're only work buddies, but refuses to tell her he has a girlfriend, to avoid making things weird at work. We've been together two years. FML

agreeclassic 37 511

vote type 1 5 058

Dumbass idea

By Caeru - 21/06/2011 07:08 - United States

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

agreeclassic 46 207

vote type 1 3 610

By Photagrapher - 18/08/2010 04:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

agreeclassic 37 659

vote type 1 17 805

By WTF, America? - 03/08/2013 21:57 - Sweden

Today, I was convinced by my friends to watch an episode of the American TV show "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo". They said it was bad, but I didn't anticipate having a full-blown panic attack ten minutes into it. FML

agreeclassic 45 249

vote type 1 9 622

LOL

By iPhonekid - 27/05/2012 07:19 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I texted my friend and asked her what her sad status on Facebook was about. She texted me back, saying her step-mother had passed away. I tried to reply with "awwh" but my phone autocorrected it to "ahaha." FML

agreeclassic 35 492

vote type 1 7 868

I'm a rebel, mom!

By SheenaL - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

agreeclassic 48 237

vote type 1 13 925

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 10:34 - United States - Lubbock

Today, I found an injured rabbit by the side of the road. I was about to take it to the local vet, when my husband picked it up and casually snapped its neck. "No rabbit's worth my money" he said, forgetting that he's been a jobless moocher for over 3 years. Pass me the goddamn divorce papers. FML

agreeclassic 19 969

vote type 1 2 647

By Username - 03/02/2011 04:46

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

agreeclassic 42 962

vote type 1 24 929

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on the subway. FML

agreeclassic 15 525

vote type 1 989

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

agreeclassic 36 866

vote type 1 4 245

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

agreeclassic 57 114

vote type 1 11 035

Today, I told my boyfriend, "We need to talk." He said, "I know". So we met after school, and he said he was OK with me breaking up with him, that he wasn't that into me either. He said all that before I could tell him that my parents wanted to meet him. FML

agreeclassic 74 382

vote type 1 11 296

Today, I went to a job interview. At the end of it, after I had got the job, my new manager said, “See you soon.” I then accidentally replied, “You too, love you.” FML

agreeclassic 1 457

vote type 1 400

Today, my crush and I were talking about hypothetical situations. I told her, "I love you hypothetically." She said, "I love me too." I even got rejected hypothetically. FML

agreeclassic 1 239

vote type 1 705