Today, Went to the cinema with my girlfriend and tried to be...

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By LMStanky - 01/06/2018 16:40 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, Went to the cinema with my girlfriend and tried to be sweet by kissing her hand. It was dark though, and I just ended up sticking her thumb in my mouth.. FML

agreeclassic 70

vote type 1 23

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wowcoffee 11

Sunday 10 June 2018 2:07

So what? Can't see why this is an FML.

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wowcoffee 11

Sunday 10 June 2018 2:07

So what? Can't see why this is an FML.

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Today, I finally decided to tell my partner that I was sexually harassed by another guy in high school. When I got to the point, she rolled her eyes, stopped me and said, "Why can't you just tell me something nice? I don't want to hear about it, it's triggering me." Well, thanks for your attention, I guess. FML

agreeclassic 568

vote type 1 119

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

agreeclassic 32 233

vote type 1 5 121

Today, my parents, who are out of town but driving back tomorrow, called to see how I was doing. They asked if I'd thrown a party in their absence, and I said no. My dad replied, "Well I'm currently looking at pictures on Facebook of our kitchen with beer and a bong on the table." FML

agreeclassic 18 467

vote type 1 127 876

Today, my granny called me to, "Come change me please, I just peed." I interrupted what I was doing, walked over to her bed, pulled down her covers and was just about to go for the pad when she said, "Actually... I'm still peeing. Come back in a couple of minutes." FML

agreeclassic 1 693

vote type 1 128

Today, I was showing a house to a couple who were interested in buying. At least they "were" interested until they opened the blinds, looked out of the bedroom window and saw the neighbor on the toilet taking a dump. He was naked. He was hairy. He smiled and waved. FML

agreeclassic 38 862

vote type 1 3 540

Today, it's memorial day weekend. The cops are all over the place watching for speeders and drunks. Some complete dickhead decided to spray paint "cop killa" on the side of my car. It won't come off. FML

agreeclassic 42 946

vote type 1 3 251