Health: Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering...

By Firepants - 28/08/2010 16:04 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a burning sensation on my butt. Remembering that yesterday I was bit by a fire ant, I decided to reinspect the bite. I found ten more which itch and burn. My parents' new nickname for me is "Firebutt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 512

You deserved it 4 125

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 12/03/2012 08:03 - United States

Today, I burned my butt on the heater when I tried to warm up after my shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 686

You deserved it 27 520

What even is that?

By git recked lul - 01/12/2023 06:00 - United States - Allen Park

Today, I felt an itch on my butt so I went to the bathroom to scratch it. It was actually a dried layer of skin that broke from years of wear and tear, and now every time I shit I feel immense pain for the next hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 168

By unsuckable - 28/08/2015 06:13 - United States - Denver

Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 914

You deserved it 4 176

By person - 26/12/2010 17:59 - Jordan

Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 938

You deserved it 28 353

By kaylajere - 26/05/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I decided to lay out and tan. I fell asleep and got sun burned and bitten numerous times by mosquitoes. If I scratch my itch, the burn hurts terribly. If I don't scratch it, it itches terribly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 176

You deserved it 36 816

By Steve - 24/02/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 687

You deserved it 36 239

Arsehole

By Anonymous - 25/06/2022 14:00

Today, I was taking my shower, as usual. As I was putting soap on my behind, I heard a pop. I also felt a burning sensation near my butthole. I have a blood filled bubble in my arse, which got infiltrated with soap. I have a drums lesson in a bit. My butt is stinging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 153

Pucker up

By It feels fucking awful - 18/12/2025 12:00

Today, on a whim, I decided to try to light a fart on fire. I now know how it feels to take a dump when you have a burn directly on your asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

By adamwilcockson - 18/09/2014 04:05 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out I'm allergic to bug repellent. So instead of having a couple of itchy bug bites, my skin feels like it's on fire and is violently itchy everywhere the repellent has touched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 880

You deserved it 2 972

Mr. Burns

By Anonymous - 20/09/2020 17:00 - United States

Today, I put icy hot on my aching shoulders, like I have been for several days. They seemed extra tender today, and it wasn't until the burning started that I realized I had put icy hot directly on a very angry sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 530

WarmedIce 0

Saturday 28 August 2010 23:15

haha that's bites!

uupa99 0

Saturday 28 August 2010 23:15

that sure sucks, firebutt.

Comments

The_9th_Doctor 18

Monday 26 August 2013 3:36

this is now one of my favorites. thank you.

EVOUndercover 10

Saturday 12 October 2013 7:41

Wow dude that really sucks

kingbrizo 24

Tuesday 7 January 2014 6:09

im not sure wether to say the "liar, liar, pants on fire" rhyme, or ask if you have ants in your pants...

WarriorOmen 25

Saturday 6 December 2014 3:51

I'm meh about bugs but **** fire ants and black flies with fire.

SkunkPoker 8

Sunday 21 December 2014 2:40

Man, that bites. No? Alrighty then.

bearin 9

Wednesday 21 January 2015 5:42

At least now you have a hot ass

GAeroNKissR 26

Sunday 27 September 2015 16:49

ha, this happened to me recently as well! Well, not the nickname - but the fire ant bites on my butt. Thankfully they only lasted a day.

HalfLit 17

Friday 21 July 2017 16:57

That's hilarious

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Today, the guy I was on a date with jokingly challenged me to an arm wrestle. I won. He left. FML

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Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

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Today, I bought some mandarins so that there would be at least one healthy thing in my shopping basket, and I wouldn’t feel like such a fat lard at the checkout. FML

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Today, a crying kid was brought to my attention by a customer. He was so upset from losing his mom that he couldn't say his or his mom's name. I took him around the store asking him to point out his mom. Once we'd found her she told me, "I was hiding from my kid to test his independence." FML

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You deserved it 2 821