Miscellaneous Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in...

Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

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Carnival of Disasters
Dive into carnival, where hilarious costumes meet unexpected mishaps. Laughter is guaranteed, mask or no mask! …

123roomielover - 26/01/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to my new roommate staring at me, just a few inches from my face. She then told me how easy I would be to kill in my sleep. Then she stood up, naked from head to toe. FML

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Rude awakening

Anonymous - - United States - Hyde Park

Today, I woke up to the sound of my psycho ex trying to break down my apartment door. FML

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D: - 06/10/2013 17:13 - France - Paris

Today, I woke up to my creepy new roommate licking my cheek. FML

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I'm awake

meh beard - - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

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Secretlypossessed - 29/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was awoken to a punch in the face. My boyfriend said I was giggling in my sleep and he thought I was possessed. FML

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You absolure freak

Frederik - 12/11/2025 03:00

Today, I woke up to my roommate glaring at me. Apparently, I was sleep-talking again, but last night I apparently shouted, “You’ll never find the bodies!” multiple times. He’s been sleeping with his door locked since. FML

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gold3nshow3r - 09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

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Pyrotechnics

Homeless for the holidays - 13/12/2020 22:58 - United States - Farmington

Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML

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keimA - 23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

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Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

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mmyoung979 14

Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:04

Jesus Christ, that's scary.

ItsMeDiegoG 8

Wednesday 8 January 2014 1:05

At least she wasn't sacrificing you to Satan.

anthony99 14

Wednesday 5 February 2014 3:31

And by "baptize" do you mean "jerk off onto?"

darkfireflame 15

Saturday 15 February 2014 16:37

"Well excuse me for trying to sneak you into heaven."

Artures_way1 23

Sunday 15 June 2014 3:51

Pretend to be a satanist.

coldasfire 23

Thursday 7 May 2015 22:43

LOL I bet he was like holding his hands up "may Jesus guide you"

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I asked a stranger for directions and then drove in the opposite direction they'd pointed to, all because my ADHD brain did that thing where I couldn't pay attention past their first instruction, which to me sounded like, "Take the first left, then the second right, then fla flafla fla flaflafla." FML

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Today, after nearly a week of having laryngitis, I was finally able to talk a little again. Then I yelled at my son for leaving his shit all over the living room, strained my throat, and can barely even whisper now. FML

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Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML

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Today, my sister refused to come to the hospital with the rest of my family to visit my new baby. Apparently, I’m an "attention hogging slutbag" because I "chose to go into labor" on her birthday. FML

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Today, my son announced he wants to be a YouTuber, and wants to make videos of himself doing violent things to pregnant women. He’s 9. FML

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Today, I got dumped, but not before he swindled me out of my savings. This done by my sweetheart from 16 years ago, whom I reunited with when he called me 7 months ago. I had no reason not to trust him, his brother has been one of my BFFs for 20 years. Now I'm not only broke, but heartbroken, and have nowhere to go. FML

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