Miscellaneous: Today, I snuck out to go to a party, while taking a shortcut... - FML

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By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 23:07 - United States

Today, I snuck out to go to a party, while taking a shortcut to through the woods that divide my two neighborhoods, I accidentally stepped on a skunk. Now I have to sneak back into my house and pray I don't wake my parents with this putrid smell. Fml

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OhPuhleeze 23

Friday 17 February 2017 18:03

I've heard tomato puree helps. Get loads of it.

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OhPuhleeze 23

Friday 17 February 2017 18:03

I've heard tomato puree helps. Get loads of it.

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Today, I was listening to a true-crime podcast while taking a shower. Right as the narrator said, “And then he heard a loud bang,” my shampoo bottle fell off the ledge with a loud thud. I screamed so loudly, I apparently scared my neighbours, who banged on the wall. FML

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vote type 1 340

Today, my neighbour shouted at me for starting my car early in the morning because "a decent, God-fearing man" has no business going places in the dark "when Satan is about his wicked business." I’m a priest and I have a funeral to prepare for this morning. That's about as un-Satan like as you can get. FML

agreeclassic 577

vote type 1 71

Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML

agreeclassic 35 199

vote type 1 13 582

Today, I blurted out something like "humdidumdum erm lalala" in public, attracting mystified stares. The thing is, I do this every time I remember something embarrassing I've said or done in the past, in an attempt to erase it out of my consciousness. So it happens a lot. FML

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Today, when looking through my home surveillance camera footage, I realised I was almost burgled. Two men broke in, looked around for a few minutes, and on the audio I clearly heard them complaining that I didn’t have anything worth stealing, so one of them pissed on my armchair. I'd blamed my dog for that damp patch. FML

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vote type 1 137

Today, my fiancé threatened to leave me for "bleeding too damn much." FML

agreeclassic 52 180

vote type 1 5 090