By Soulpain - 24/10/2017 08:12 Today I met my soulmate, and his boyfriend. FML agreeclassic 41 vote type 1 21 Share Tweet Share
Today, I learned there is such a thing as "too much sex". After a full week of having sex at least twice a day with my girlfriend, I had to go to the GP due to a painful erection and swelling. The constant sex had caused me to burst a blood vessel in my penis. FML agreeclassic 8 685 vote type 1 2 920
Today, I was teasing my boyfriend telling him that my butt was so much cuter than his and that at least mine wasn't smelly stinky or hairy. Then he said yeah, I just wish that your vag was the same way. FML agreeclassic 437 vote type 1 311
Today, on the first day of 2024, I, a healthy 32 year-old, woke up to find I not only pissed the bed, but also shat myself in my sleep. I have no idea what I ate to cause this, nor how I didn't wake up when it was happening. This new year is literally off to a shit start. FML agreeclassic 593 vote type 1 156
Today, during my yearly review, I was told by my boss that mistakes in my paperwork will be investigated by our company legal team. He also said, "Think of them as the TV or movie version of Internal Affairs" and said that I would be considered "guilty until proven innocent." I can't afford to quit. FML agreeclassic 2 514 vote type 1 233
Today, my dog and I came in from an afternoon in the back yard and he immediately shat on the carpet. Way to go boy. FML agreeclassic 757 vote type 1 137
Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML agreeclassic 18 528 vote type 1 52 547
Pretty obviously not your soulmate then, or at least not your romantic soulmate.