Health: Today, I learned how hard it is to remove peanut butter from...

By ray - 17/11/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, I learned how hard it is to remove peanut butter from your own eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 041

You deserved it 24 198

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 04/09/2014 06:44 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I tried to blink out a small speck of dirt that was caught in my eye. Instead, I learned what it feels like to suffocate a small, angry spider with your eyelid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 561

You deserved it 3 841

Blow it

By Anonymous - 22/10/2021 01:59

Today, I reached to pick out a booger stuck in my nose that had been irritating me, and ended up poking myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 736

Too stupid

By Anonymous - 15/02/2020 01:00

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 2 303

Leave it to the pros

By Anonymous - 05/11/2021 00:01 - United States - Epsom

Today, I was attempting to tame my bushy eyebrows, since I'm starting a new job in a few days and need to look somewhat presentable, when I poked myself in the eye. Hard. I thought I’d blinded myself for a few moments. Now it’s just red, sore and watery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 243

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 993

You deserved it 3 992

Yippee!

By Such a rush - 27/09/2025 15:00

Today, I was brushing my teeth in a rush before work. I squeezed the toothpaste tube too hard, and some of it it shot directly into my eye. I spent the next ten minutes half-blind, crying peppermint tears, and still somehow managed to be late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 124

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 209

You deserved it 8 975

Lumpy

By CantBlink - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 090

You deserved it 2 789

By Snow - 07/02/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, while I was trying to take off my eye make up, I accidentally used nail polish remover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 778

You deserved it 35 119

Hangry boi

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 129

duckie227 22

Thursday 17 November 2011 16:05

That's not where that goes, hate to break it to you

Jdeluxh 12

Thursday 17 November 2011 16:08

You must really suck at making pb&j sandwiches.

Comments

melissaisawsome 0

Monday 12 December 2011 0:20

WHAT THE HECK DID U DO!!!!!!! R TRYING TO FEED IT TO UR EYE!

XxEP1CFAC3xX 4

Thursday 9 August 2012 5:04

How the hell did you get it out?!

VampOfSavannah 31

Thursday 23 January 2014 6:23

YDI for putting peanut butter in your eyes.

garf3265 12

Sunday 1 February 2015 17:46

look on the bright side, you're not allergic to peanuts

shotgun_girl 17

Friday 8 April 2016 18:44

Oh god you made the image in my head a million times worse

herpderp1234 17

Thursday 6 August 2015 15:03

.....................how???

gingerlover01 24

Tuesday 12 January 2016 15:30

I'm interested in how it got there

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The Top

Today, I found out that the guy I lost my virginity to a few months ago was in a relationship the whole time. How did I find out? His now ex-girlfriend called to yell at me. FML

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Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 325

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Today, my boyfriend bought me a silver necklace. I have a silver allergy, but I thanked him anyway and encouraged him to return it. I found out later that he knew about my allergy all along and bought it on purpose so he could return it, get a refund, and still look good. FML

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Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 950

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Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML

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You deserved it 3 819

Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML

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