Love: Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter... - FML

By Allergic - 24/01/2012 17:31 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife purposely eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to get out of kissing me. I'm deathly allergic to peanuts. FML

agreeclassic 40 377

vote type 1 3 463

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By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:14 - United States

Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML

agreeclassic 47 993

vote type 1 3 992

Quick thinking

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 00:04 - United States - Mount Jackson

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

agreeclassic 30 472

vote type 1 2 017

Call the cops!

By epipen life - 10/03/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

agreeclassic 3 641

vote type 1 242

By djshahso - 26/02/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

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By Anonymous - 05/06/2015 01:07 - United States - Elkhart

Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML

agreeclassic 30 852

vote type 1 2 140

By JessMelodique - 14/12/2016 03:01

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

agreeclassic 8 247

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By peanutprobs - 31/10/2014 21:12 - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

agreeclassic 38 909

vote type 1 3 341

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 20:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, my girlfriend was making lunch and asked me to pass her the peanut butter. I'll never know why, but as I handed it to her I said the first thing that came to mind, "I really want a dog." She looked at me in horror, then told me to get out of her house. FML

agreeclassic 29 226

vote type 1 5 207

Is this a joke?

By Anonymous - 19/08/2020 23:02

Today, I told my wife if she wanted to get a divorce, she just had to get a cat since I'm deathly allergic. She got two. FML

agreeclassic 1 481

vote type 1 483

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 07:49 - United States

Today, I learned the only job that actually wants me is as a peanut butter factory worker. I've been unemployed for 9 months. I'm also allergic to nuts. FML

agreeclassic 35 889

vote type 1 3 745

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TOP COMMENTS

cradle6 13

Tuesday 24 January 2012 22:06

That's...incredibly bitchy

DanLikesDodge 5

Tuesday 24 January 2012 22:10

It's peanut butter-jelly time!!!

Comments

southsideohyeah 5

Thursday 9 August 2012 4:34

I like# 6

Lucky7Samson 10

Saturday 13 April 2013 1:55

Stop being affectionate. She'll wonder why after awhile and you can settle it all then.

mat_sib 18

Thursday 10 July 2014 10:15

Divorce?

user716 11

Friday 25 September 2015 22:41

Divorce her

summer4me 25

Sunday 8 May 2016 8:37

Reevaluate your relationship OP. If your wife is willing to put your health at risk to get out of some affection, that's a problem. All it'll take is her forgetting one time and kissing you with peanut butter in her mouth to put you in the hospital. Talk to her about it. If she doesn't change, maybe you should consider leaving her for your personal safety.

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Today, it's Friday the 13th. I've never been superstitious, and I figured it would be a normal day, that is until my hot water heater exploded and rained water into my downstairs neighbour's apartment for two hours before anyone noticed. FML

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