Alcohol, Ironic and Health: I need one

I need one

By j…… - 14/08/2011 03:56 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of my drunken antics. My reaction? Pour myself a stiff drink. FML

agreeclassic 9 623

vote type 1 56 967

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By Reeen - 03/06/2016 22:29 - United States - Pittsboro

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML

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Today, I got a drunken call from my boyfriend, which consisted of him telling me that he, "does man things like fuck bitches and roll with hoes," and that I've been, "trying to turn him into a half-ass girly man," but, "that shit ain't right." Then he threw up. FML

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Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

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Today, I had to get my boyfriend's mom to help me get my boyfriend in his house because he was so drunk. He broke up with me for getting him in trouble. FML

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TW: The final straw

By Anonymous - 04/12/2021 19:58

Today, I broke up with my long-term boyfriend, because his alcohol problem is so bad that he drank his way through an old bottle of Tequila, which belonged to my mum, and that I'd kept after she committed suicide. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/07/2023 15:00

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying to dispose of several empty alcohol bottles, leading to a discussion how dating me and putting up with my insanity has given him a drinking problem just so he can get through the day. Me catching him seemed to be the wake up call he needed, because he dumped me. FML

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By me - 18/05/2011 04:13

Today, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years, with whom I have a baby, broke up with me. His reason? His best friend said he didn't like drinking with guys who were "tied down". FML

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F0xyTurtle 8

Sunday 14 August 2011 8:52

So maybe you should try to fix your drinking problem...

Jaimegirl 7

Sunday 14 August 2011 9:30

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me due to my abusing animals, my reaction? I punted a kitten off a cliff.

Comments

Chris20003 17

Friday 1 February 2013 17:36

My kind of woman, wife life throws you limes take a hit of tequila, with some salt.

azhang1066 12

Tuesday 16 July 2013 23:02

And you wonder why he broke up with you

InnocentWings 13

Monday 19 August 2013 0:31

lol YDI

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Top

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

agreeclassic 23 824

vote type 1 1 915

Today, my 2-year-old son put his hand on my face, gave me a sweet kiss, and put his cheek against mine. Then he slapped me hard enough to leave a mark, laughed, and scrambled away. FML

agreeclassic 48 051

vote type 1 6 864

Today, we were driving home from NYC to Knoxville after our flight got cancelled, and we had to drive with 3 strangers for 13 hours. We are now stuck in Who-Knows-Where, Virginia, with two blown tires, because a metal plate fell off an 18-wheeler in front of us. FML

agreeclassic 1 827

vote type 1 150

Today, I learned that, just like in the movies, your ex-boyfriend can eventually wind up being your stepfather. FML

agreeclassic 2 130

vote type 1 147

Today, I broke my leg while trying to show my friend how I broke my other leg. FML

agreeclassic 25 141

vote type 1 72 245

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

agreeclassic 46 465

vote type 1 3 608