Today, I'm staying in a hotel where the lights are automatic. They turn on when something moves and turn off when everything is still. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I move in my sleep, so the light wakes me up. It's currently 2 a.m. and all together I've gotten about 20 minutes of sleep. FML agreeclassic 35 566 vote type 1 4 458
Today, sleep-deprived and thinking I tolerated my low dose of diabetes medication Metformin well, I upped my dose like the bottle said to. My asshole has yet to forgive me. FML agreeclassic 565 vote type 1 164
Today, I was walking in the park when I saw an attractive girl walking nearby. I approached her to strike up a conversation when suddenly a large fly invaded my left nostril, and became lodged inside. After picking out the bloody fly pieces, I looked up to see the girl walking away, gagging. FML agreeclassic 57 007 vote type 1 6 197
Today, my biologist father had a slide show and speech prepared for my wedding. It started with, “40 years ago, there was a tree here”. I thought this would relate to me or the wedding at some point. 45 minutes later, I had to admit that it didn’t. FML agreeclassic 1 763 vote type 1 165
Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML agreeclassic 27 203 vote type 1 2 258
Today, I aced my solo during my band concert. My parents were asleep the whole time. FML agreeclassic 46 864 vote type 1 4 446
If it’s flooded, FLOOR IT!
I thought I could make it