Nearly FML

By Josie - 26/08/2017 17:35

Today I stubbed my toe getting in the shower, hit my head on the wall, splattered conditioner into my mouth and eye, nicked my knee shaving, my toe slipped off the hold and bent my toenail back, & finally forgot to turn the hot water down before blasting my undercarriage. FML

agreeclassic 77

vote type 1 19

By ShadowReiku - 26/08/2017 17:33

Today, I refused to buy an item in a video game because it was slightly more than I wanted to spend, despite having millions of the in-game currency saved up. Meanwhile, I have $30 to my name in real life. FML

agreeclassic 32

vote type 1 60

By Scythe - 26/08/2017 15:01 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today my phone's screen broke, literally days after I cancelled the insurance for it, thinking I wouldn't need it any more. The worst part? I was watching porn, so I don't even want to get it fixed, as I would have to show the frozen porn screen to the repairman. FML

agreeclassic 31

vote type 1 75

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 15:38

I got a breakfast sandwich and was rushing to get to my first day of school. spilled sauce and coffee all down my white shirt. I have to meet people and then go straight from class to work.

agreeclassic 45

vote type 1 20

By "azouwa" - 26/08/2017 13:39

Today, I was yelled at for being an hour late with someone's medication. Due to HIPPA I couldn't tell them it was because I was busy stopping someone down the hall from bleeding to death. FML

agreeclassic 78

vote type 1 7

By Drowningintears - 26/08/2017 06:05 - United States - College Station

Today Hurricane Harvey has arrived on the coast, and my test center for SAT tests refuses to close. Almost all the test centers in the affected area have closed, except for the two closest to me. FML

agreeclassic 73

vote type 1 5

By badluckllama - 26/08/2017 12:25

Today my girlfriend and I were showing vacation pictures to her parents and brother, streamed from my phone to their smart-tv. By error a fellatio picture appeared in the rotation. It was awkward, and even though I skipped fast and they pretended not to see it, she won't do more xxx-pics ever. FML

agreeclassic 18

vote type 1 99

By Stardust_tk - 26/08/2017 08:17

Today, a really cute guy stopped me at lunch and told me that I was really cute and he wanted to ask me out on a date. There's just one problem - he's gay. I'm a girl. FML

agreeclassic 60

vote type 1 7

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 09:16 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I discovered that I can hear my new flatmate (for at least a year) chew from the other side of the apartment. FML

agreeclassic 59

vote type 1 6

By oh god - 26/08/2017 06:30

Today, I met an Internet friend in real life for the first time and we had steak for dinner. I bit into a beef rib and I guess I hit a huge artery because it spurted blood everywhere. FML

agreeclassic 65

vote type 1 11

By Anonymous - 26/08/2017 03:55

Today, I received a text from my boyfriend stating that we're no longer going out to dinner, despite me asking him to be sure before I put in leave from work. Now I'm home alone and losing money. FML.

agreeclassic 62

vote type 1 5

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 21:46 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my dad told me I couldn't bring my bedroom fan to college because it's white and people will think I'm racist. I'm genuinely not sure whether he's joking or not. FML

agreeclassic 72

vote type 1 7

By ijwaa - 25/08/2017 20:47 - United States - Lincoln Park

Today, despite have the safety lock on and put on a high shelf, I still managed to get sprayed in the face with bear mace. FML

agreeclassic 53

vote type 1 14

By upchucktroubles - 25/08/2017 17:15 - United States - Vashon

My boss asked me to smoke some weed with her today. I grabbed my pipe, took a big hit and handed it to her. She took a hit and started vomiting. Guess who got to clean it up. Fml

agreeclassic 32

vote type 1 59

By HeroZeroPlayer - 26/08/2017 08:11 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I wanted to switch internet providers. The moment I submitted my request, my internet service went down. I tried getting on data and it was down too. I thought my internet service provider took away my internet. FML

agreeclassic 41

vote type 1 8

By "Talented73" - 26/08/2017 01:22

Today, I traveled 90 minutes to get to Citi Field to see the Mets play, only to discover I read the schedule wrong. Thought I'd be seeing a ballgame and getting a free t-shirt; looks like I'll be doing neither. To top it off, a pigeon took a shit on my forehead. FML

agreeclassic 47

vote type 1 27

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 23:53

Today, I realized that I been single for too long when after my date was playing with my hair I got a hard on....FML

agreeclassic 47

vote type 1 9

By DB Cooper - 25/08/2017 22:21

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the day I decided to eat some weed and ended up wandering around for an hour before going to the ER the rest of the day. I had to cancel my own birthday party. FML.

agreeclassic 16

vote type 1 82

By Badwolf219 - 25/08/2017 20:52

A few days ago I found out my husband was messaging other women telling them he's divorced. He swears there was no physical contact but one woman found me on Facebook and swears they had sex. She seems crazy so I don't know whoto believe. FML

agreeclassic 77

vote type 1 9

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 20:33

Today, my parents broke the news that I won't be going to my aunts wedding because I'm "too fat." I'm a recovering anorexic and barely weigh 100lbs. They're both morbidly obese. FML.

agreeclassic 139

vote type 1 10

By ugh - 25/08/2017 20:00

Today, my ex, who is also my roommate, questioned me about something I had said in a private conversation to my friend on Facebook. He admitted to going through my tablet, which is password protected, because he "doesn't trust me." FML

agreeclassic 3 609

vote type 1 515

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 18:30 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, my mum asked me to cancel her phone insurance. I agreed, then learnt the policy isn't attached to the phone contract, so needs a policy number to cancel it. She can't find it, so I can't cancel the policy, and somehow it's all my fault FML

agreeclassic 52

vote type 1 4

By sociopathornah - 25/08/2017 18:35

Today, I realized how messed up my friend is when my brother and I started playing our usual game of "is she a sociopath?" The difference this time: I couldn't tell. FML.

agreeclassic 44

vote type 1 8

By "Sweet_Corruption" - 25/08/2017 06:09 - United States

Today, as a 17 year old Senior in high school, I hit a major milestone in my life. I found my first grey hair. FML

agreeclassic 60

vote type 1 6

Godiva giveth and Godiva taketh away

By Loserman67 - 25/08/2017 10:41

Today, I took a rare day off after learning of a Godiva chocolate factory not that far from us. I checked out the website, got the hours, and drove over 25 miles with my wife to get there, only to find out it's for vendors, staff, and their families only. FML

agreeclassic 4 170

vote type 1 1 442

loserman67 app_comment_confession_title

loserman67 35

Friday 18 August 2017 20:25

OP here - the place is like Fort Knox. Many levels of security but everyone was polite. Tried my best to con our way in but no luck.

By clumsyantha - 25/08/2017 09:21

Today I pulled a shoulder muscle while starting my lawn mower. After mowing the lawn, I went to my freezer to grab an ice pack to soothe my shoulder pain. As I reached to grab the ice pack, I knocked a glass water-filled bottle onto my toe and broke my toe. Now using ice pack for toe instead. FML

agreeclassic 72

vote type 1 9

By i'mscrewed - 25/08/2017 04:57

Today was my last day to purchase Plan B due to an insanely crazy and hectic schedule. For some reason my two nosiest friends decided to tag along and follow me down each aisle. Once I finally escaped from their grasp, I quickly grabbed my item only to find out my debit card is missing. FML

agreeclassic 63

vote type 1 30

By outplayed - 25/08/2017 04:20

Today, my prayers finally came true when my biggest crush actually came to my house. I quickly prettied up and right before I get to answer the door, I saw him leave with my 5 year old sister. They got paired-up at our school's little and big brother/sister campaign and are out on a play-date. FML

agreeclassic 66

vote type 1 21

By KaD - 25/08/2017 00:35

Today, I got another 30 day ban on Facebook for the same thing they gave me a 30 day ban for 30 days ago, even though I didn't repost. It was about a wanted fugitive who set up a fake charity and is using the money to evade police. This somehow violates the 'community standards'. FML

agreeclassic 55

vote type 1 10

By Anonymous - 25/08/2017 00:28

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex in the shower of a university building where he works and where I study. To cover the sounds he turned on the shower. Just when we were going at it, the steam of the shower set off the fire alarm. The whole building had to be cleared. FML

agreeclassic 32

vote type 1 72

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

agreeclassic 455

vote type 1 71

Today, I went in for a routine check up. I also found out I have an incurable STD and that I’m pregnant. I’ve been married to my husband for 7 years and have never had sex with anyone else in my entire life. FML

agreeclassic 1 841

vote type 1 155

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

agreeclassic 106 758

vote type 1 7 178

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

agreeclassic 29 776

vote type 1 2 071

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that I spent an entire raffle game desperately praying that I'd lose miserably, just so I wouldn't have to go up on stage and accept it. FML

agreeclassic 31 328

vote type 1 5 846

Today, I was half asleep when my cat came over to cuddle. I was petting her in the dark when I felt what I thought was a patch of matted fur under her neck, as if she had been injured and bleeding. Alarmed, I felt for that spot again and found myself holding her tail. What I'd felt was in fact my cat's anus. FML

agreeclassic 1 399

vote type 1 615