Parents

Follow the lifescript

By Anonymous - 17/11/2023 07:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I came out to my parents as lesbian. Surprisingly, they were OK with it… just as long as I still marry a dude, give them grandbabies, and keep the whole lesbian thing a deep, dark, shameful secret that we never talk about again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 231

Behave!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 369

You deserved it 280

At last!

By neverStopLaughin - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I moved out of my parents' basement. After I hugged my parents, I walked out the door, only to remember I'd left my phone in the kitchen. I opened the door to see my parents dancing with joy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 687

You deserved it 14 430

Shifting

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 14:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom is trying to be quiet, thinking me asleep. This means she will whisper to the dogs in the upstairs hallway, then quietly go downstairs where she will bang the doors so hard that the house shakes. Apparently, she thinks each floor is in its own separate dimension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 121

More like high key

By Anonymous - 27/09/2024 11:00

Today, I had no idea my mom was low key racist until I told her I was dating a black woman, and she told me that was fine, just as long as I didn’t do something silly like fall in love with her or let her distract me from finding a proper wife. Wow mom, just wow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 153

TMI

By wow - 28/05/2014 23:08 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, my mother told me that I was "made" in the bathroom of the store I work at now. She even pointed out which stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 050

You deserved it 5 447

Impatience

By Anonymous - 15/05/2020 02:00

Today, my dad asked me to help him buy a laptop by searching online. He explicitly said, "When you have time." I decided to shower as I had just woken up. While showering, I was startled by loud banging and my dad angrily asking why I wasn't looking for his laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 770

You deserved it 151

Thanks for the support

By BadMomma - 15/03/2022 15:00 - United States - Kula

Today, I asked my parents to babysit my kids for an hour so that I could visit the doctor for my asthma, which has worsened over the past two days. Apparently I'm a bad mother, and it's OK if I stop breathing, but shouldn't leave my kids to go out alone. My husband was at the gym the entire evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 353

You deserved it 149

I can't deal with confrontation

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 06:00

Today, my son is so pathetic that when a tiny, unarmed 5-foot tall female thief robbed our store, he didn’t grab the baseball bat, he didn’t slam the anti-theft door on the counter closed, he didn’t even press the big alarm button, he just started crying, put his hands up, and let her empty the till. FML

I agree, your life sucks 619

You deserved it 1 325

Growing old

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I'm officially stumped as to whether my mom has early-onset dementia, or if she just has plain bad memory. I've considered having her get tested, but I shudder to think that the person who brought me into this world won't recognize me in about two years if I'm right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 126

Insane parents

By mermyth - 28/10/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, my mom came to my room to tell me that there were guests coming over. Five minutes later, she came to my room to scream at me for not doing the dishes, “like she just told me.” When? FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 137

Cocobananas

By Phil - 14/04/2022 10:00

Today, my father was cussing loudly because he lost at a Clash Royale game. He then blamed it on me for not sending him cards, and threatened to delete me from all his social media accounts. Dad, I love you, but you're downright insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 843

You deserved it 122

Trust

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 23:43 - United Kingdom - Broseley

Today, my boyfriend's parents decided that I was untrustworthy and that if they ever saw him with me he'd be heavily punished. They're travelling hundreds of miles just to make sure he stays in the house and doesn't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 792

You deserved it 1 563

Smells like teen shit

By great 1st impression - 25/05/2014 16:09 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 996

You deserved it 7 935

Dad jokes

By thefuck - 30/06/2013 22:08 - Ireland - Ballyjamesduff

Today, my house was egged while I went out shopping. When I told my dad about it, he immediately and casually admitted to being the one who did it, asking, "You got a fucking problem with that, son?" I don't know if he's just messing with my head, or if he really did do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 965

You deserved it 3 677

Parental disapproval

By Anonymous - 31/10/2023 16:00

Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 80

How the other half lives

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 04:00

Today, it's been a year since my divorce. My deadbeat bipolar ex-wife is on her third boyfriend. I'm raising both our kids solo and, despite trying, have not even been able to land a single date since we seperated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 124

Old man yells at cloud

By Anonymous - 26/12/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, it only took my dad 10 minutes after I'd arrived at my parents' house for him to say that the actor scheduled to be the new Doctor Who couldn't be Doctor Who because "He's black!" I did try pointing out that Doctor Who is an alien with two hearts but… I gave up after that. Merry Christmas, yeah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 553

You deserved it 203

Asshole

By Anonymous - 07/02/2022 06:00

Today, after my dad recently had to go sober or face dying within a year, it turns out that without the alcohol, his personality still sucks. He used to be a drunk asshole, but now he’s just an asshole. At least when he was drunk he used to pass out. Now he can be an asshole all night without stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 104

Mom has an interesting past it seems…

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 14:30 - United States

Today, I was informed by my mother that my extremely long pinky fingernail could probably get me mistaken for a coke addict. My fingernails grow uncontrollably fast, and my pinky nail is completely natural. It just happens to grow much longer than the others. Imagine explaining that to a cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 340

Prejudice

By howard1954 - 08/06/2015 15:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I found the courage to tell my parents about my boyfriend. They simply reacted by lecturing me about how much he'll ruin my life, and how much they don't like him. They haven't met him yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 758

You deserved it 2 692

No reply

By Alex - 06/02/2024 06:00 - United States - Jeffersonville

Today, my mom didn’t answer the phone when I called. My husband promptly said, with a straight face, “Would you answer you?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 162

Not your day, is it?

By hiheyaiden - 03/03/2022 23:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mom kept swearing and punished me while I was in an online lesson. I almost got punished by the teacher as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 977

You deserved it 113

Good boy

By Johndoe - 30/10/2021 20:00

Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 995

You deserved it 167

Sir Mix-a-Lot's mom

By MomIsJelly - 22/02/2022 22:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I noticed that my mom had been hiding all my leggings and yoga pants from me. Upon asking her, she admitted that she was jealous that my butt is bigger than hers, and that when I wear those types of pants, it's like I'm "rubbing it in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 156

Sounds like an FML commenter

By Megan M - 25/08/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me. I was extremely devastated, and was crying in my room. My mom told me that it’s not a reason to cry. Apparently, “There’s people out there without anything to eat, nowhere to live, and people dying of cancer - that’s a REAL reason to cry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 603

You deserved it 156

When Stranger Danger goes feral

By Anonymous - 18/09/2023 06:00

Today, I was beaten up by a random dude for trying to pick my own son up from school. I'm pasty white, my wife is black, and our son was visibly born black, so I was beaten up for attempted kidnapping, and it’s not the first time it’s happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 143

Chilling

By Anonymous - 03/05/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents went on holiday, finally, and since I’m always freezing I took the opportunity to actually turn up the temperature on the boiler. Not 30 seconds later my dad called pissed and told me either I turn it back down or he’s coming home from Spain to kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 206

Angry man

By Anonymous - 26/06/2022 00:00 - United States - Camden Wyoming

Today, I learned that now that my mom is dead, and my dad doesn't need my emotional support during her illness anymore, he's going to go back to insulting me every time he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 039

You deserved it 79

Roll with it

By jonasister - 15/04/2012 18:43 - Sweden - Lund

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 459

You deserved it 3 351

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my wife asked me to pop an ingrown hair near her crotch. We haven't had sex since last September. Popping her ingrown hair was the closest I've gotten to my wife's vagina in nearly nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 345

You deserved it 6 247

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 863

You deserved it 10 002

Today, I passed a cashier when I came into a store. Later I passed him again as I was leaving, and he asked me if I needed help finding something because I had been in the store for a while. I told him I had been browsing upstairs, but in reality, I had been in the restroom the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 631

You deserved it 1 528

Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 846

You deserved it 10 933

Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 728

You deserved it 2 117

Today, I told a coworker, “Enjoy your weekend!” out of pure muscle memory. It was Monday morning. They stared at me for a full second before quietly saying, “I will... in five days.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 143

You deserved it 272