Accident

Fight or flight or…

By Anonymous - 19/01/2025 01:00 - Australia - Yarrambat

Today, after just returning to work from recovering from an e-scooter crash, a man raced through a red light on his e-scooter while I was crossing the road, and nearly collided with me. If I hadn’t frozen in place, he absolutely would have. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 96

Oh the humanity

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 105

You deserved it 34 810

Move!

By Anonymous - 07/05/2009 19:11 - Italy

Today, I was walking to class with my roommate. She didn't notice the car coming up behind her because her headphones were in. As I pulled her out of the way, she thought I was goofing around and shoved me back... in front of the car. I got hit and rolled off the hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129 401

You deserved it 6 580

Never sneak up

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 14:01

Today, I was listening to some music before school started, which is why I didn't hear my teacher sneak up behind me. When she laid her hand on my shoulder, of course I accidentally punch her in the face. Her nose bled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 883

Murderer!

By Puppy_Killer - 16/12/2020 23:02 - Australia

Today, I was backing out of my garage when my neighbour's collie ran behind my car. Unfortunately, I didn't see it, but I heard a thump. They were out, so I rushed him to the vet's. I was upset, and I guess I was driving too fast and didn't see that another dog was crossing the road. I killed two dogs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 462

Brained

By Qwizzyk - 24/04/2024 17:00 - Russia - Tula

Today, I was riding my scooter at a skate park. I was wearing a helmet, but I got hot, so I took it off. Within the next minute, I fell off my scooter and cut my head open. I had to get four stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 716

Dipshit

By Anonymous - 03/06/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, some total dipshit at my workplace tripped over their own feet and split their knee open bad enough to need stitches, ruining our plant’s safety record and screwing us out of free pizza. The worst part is that the dipshit in question was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 267

You deserved it 429

Sorry honey

By Anonymous - 30/11/2022 00:00

Today, my boyfriend and I get along very well, but I’m not used to being extremely close to somebody. Every time we are together, I always somehow manage to elbow him in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 220

I'm innocent!

By DavidJ - 16/06/2023 18:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the road. She saw that I got an innocent text from a friend, Melissa. In a fit of jealous rage, she put the gear of my car to “P” causing the car behind me to rear end me. My bumper fell off. She told me, “Tell that bitch Melissa to take care of that.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 082

You deserved it 181

Priorities

By Anonymous - 07/01/2010 05:19 - Australia

Today, at work, I dropped a heavy block of lead on my hand. On my hunt for ice, I had to tell my manager - who told her manager, who told the chief - in the end, the whole department found out and they made me fill in two long-arsed incident reports. I had to fill them in myself with my busted up hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 027

You deserved it 3 286

Our house, was a very very very nice house

By Anonymous - 06/03/2020 18:00

Today, my house caught on fire. After it was put out, I realized the damage wasn't bad, mainly smoke damage. I went to my parents' for the night because my house smelled. While there, I received a phone call from my neighbor. Apparently, my house caught fire again. It's now a pile of ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 311

You deserved it 262

Never joke about it

By Anonymous - 26/05/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got back to work from a 4 month hospital stay and I joked with my boss that after so long away, I’m not planning on being sick again for years. Two hours later, a coworker knocked me down the stairs. A dislocated hip and a broken femur requiring 4-6 weeks of recovery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 70

Kitchen nightmares

By Masterchef331 - 01/02/2022 05:00

Today, I decided it was the perfect day to make Penne alla Vodka. It was also the perfect day to set my kitchen on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 647

Heavy phone, dude

By Burton - 12/06/2021 20:00

Today, I'm in the E.R. because I broke one of my toes when my cellphone slipped from my hands after taking a shower. Needless to say, my cellphone broke too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 365

Neat

By ohhi_itsme123 - 16/12/2009 12:33 - United States

Today, I worked for three hours writing very neat notes with one of those pens that erase. I felt very accomplished, so decided to share it on Facebook. I brought my computer over to my lap on top of my notes. Turns out heat from laptops smudges ink from eraseable pens. I can't read my notes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 644

You deserved it 30 392

Wham bam thank you m'am

By ohhmydamn - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out if you slide down the stairs on a foam mattress topper, it just folds under instead of sliding. Then you slide the rest of the way down on your knees and break your nose at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 879

You deserved it 71 606

Supportive

By Anonymous - 28/09/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom - Bury

Today, I was involved in a car crash. When I told him, my boyfriend was more interested in what he was going to have for lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 133

Blinded

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 18:00

Today, I had a lightbulb over my head moment, by which I mean I was changing a blown bulb, which smashed, and I’m now half blind waiting for the surgery to remove the minuscule and yet still excruciating shards of glass from my right eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 113

Dumbass

By foxytheologian - 15/04/2017 02:00

Today, I was hit by an unmanned semi truck that rolled down an embankment onto the highway. I'm fine, but the entire left side of my car is smashed in. The idiot responsible had to be dragged down the hill by the cops. Apparently, he was peeing and forgot to put the parking brake on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 438

You deserved it 315

McSteamy

By Anonymous - 07/11/2021 11:00

Today, I illicitly borrowed my dad's car to go to the store, but crashed into my mom's car as she and dad were returning from my grandma's house. Both cars are totalled, my mom is in hospital with a broken collarbone, and I realised dads really can make steam come out their ears if they’re really mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 2 229

Thanks, Shep

By Anonymous - 24/04/2021 14:01

Today, I'm recovering from a fall down the basement steps. I was carrying a casserole down to the fridge we have in the basement. I tripped, crashed at the bottom and broke my arm. Our dog came running down to investigate, completely ignored me, and just started eating the casserole off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 152

Didn't see ya there!

By jazojigga - 02/03/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the crosswalk. Suddenly, I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 810

You deserved it 52 313

Triggered

By Ouch - 06/10/2025 20:00

Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 195

Psycho

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 20:01

Today, I'd never quite realised how nasty my girlfriend was until she hit a kid on a zebra crossing and was more upset that her bumper was dented than the fact an 8 year-old had a broken leg. She was still blaming the kid and demanding his parents pay the damage as he was being put in the ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 232

All fall down

By Anonymous - 21/11/2023 15:00 - United States - Frederick

Today, I tried to go rollerskating with my kids. I wasn’t even able to fully stand up before I fell and broke my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 148

Look out!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, on my way to work, I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 570

You deserved it 9 175

Skittish and wet

By JennieLee - 30/08/2024 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, while in the shower, I heard my phone buzz. Expecting an important text, I leaned out to check it. I slipped, hit my head on the sink, and ended up stuck in the most awkward position possible with one leg in the shower and the other out. My roommate had to rescue me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 220

Thanks, I hate it!

By pleasebackintomycaragain - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, as I was sitting in my car in a mall parking lot, an old couple got into their new van and backed right into me. The man got out and in broken english decided it was no big deal. He turned to leave and tried to pat my back, but smacked my ass instead. I was hit by a car, and spanked for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 702

You deserved it 3 412

Kinda effed up

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 14:00

Today, and ever since a car accident, I’ve not been able to go to the gym anymore for more than a few minutes without crippling pain. I have a belly for the first time in my life, I can barely breathe without wheezing, and I’m even too unfit for sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 173

You deserved it 197

Told you so

By Anonymous - 02/02/2023 14:00

Today, I told my stepdad 3 times not to unload my new stove by himself, being worried about both the appliance and his bad back. When I came back to the car two minutes later, he'd taken the stove out and was wondering where that huge scratch on the side might have come from. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 105

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was buying a specific expensive wine for my wife’s birthday, but the guy suspected I was buying it for some underage girl loitering outside, and threatened to call police. He’s a specialist wine merchant and the only guy I can buy that wine from in 100 miles. Her birthday is in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 141

Today, I had to have a very unfortunate conversation with my young daughter about homophobia and bigotry, after the neighbor said she can’t play with her kids anymore. My daughter mentioned she had two mommies, me and my platonic best fiend who’s her godmother. My poor baby is still inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 177

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 118

You deserved it 3 458

Today, I asked about 30 students and 3 of my teachers to sign my yearbook. So far, only my math teacher agreed to write in it. He wrote, "You need to try harder next year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 441

You deserved it 1 789

Today, I'm sad. My wife of six years cares very little about my satisfaction. Intimacy is my receiving love language, and while we do have sex sometimes, she wants me to "take" or "use" her. I want to be felt up and be shown I'm wanted, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 117

Today, my husband and I were arguing about him not communicating anymore. Instead of talking to me about it, he messages my mom to say, "I'm not mentally strong enough to handle her anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 621

You deserved it 5 553