Intimacy Today, I had a wet dream about a chocolate muffin. FML - FML

Seriously?! - 24/04/2016 05:16 - United States - Portland

Today, I had a wet dream about a chocolate muffin. FML

18

7

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I found out that my mother is extremely emotional when it comes to animal deaths when a bird flew into the window and died, and she insisted we have a funeral. FML

23 656

3 603

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

517

67

Today, I fell asleep while lifeguarding, thinking I could get away with it due to my sunglasses. When I woke up, I saw my boss waving at me. Apparently she'd been trying to get my attention for five minutes. FML

7 575

70 041

Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML

36 618

4 868

Today, my idiot stepdaughter wadded up my dead grandma’s quilt instead of folding it neatly after using it. When I asked how she would feel if I wadded up her dead mom’s blanket, she replied that she wouldn’t care, at all. She then had the audacity to ask me to explain what she did wrong. FML

411

1 214

Today. I've been retired for two years. At the time we were doing good, until the economy tripled the cost of living. Went back to work again and tore my shoulder. Six months recovery, during which time my manager tried to fire me, then two months before my return to work date, they changed insurance companies and left me with no insurance. FML

1 044

128