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By mckenna9797 - 07/09/2016 11:16 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and I'd planned to take my family and friends to dinner with my own money. My mom just informed me that she'd messaged everyone that I'd canceled the dinner. She instead wants to use my money to buy my older brother a gun for his birthday, which is in two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 365

You deserved it 2 215

mckenna9797 tells us more.

mckenna9797 15

Wednesday 7 September 2016 23:29

Hey everyone, OP here. Thank you everyone for your birthday wishes. I called my friends and got it rescheduled for Saturday luckily, although one or two might not be able to. As for my mom, she had a joint account with me due to when I was 17, and I just haven't gotten to it to change it to just me when I turned 18 last year, because she usually never does this. My mom does seem to like my brother more than me which is a little messed up but she usually respects me and treats me very well. She's a nice person and decent parent, but a little weird sometimes. She didn't have any money to spend on his birthday due to just paying rent for the month with her paycheck. She did however have no right to use my money or cancel my plans. That was uncalled for and definitely not right. As for the gun itself as a present to my brother, he's turning 23 and just got back from a year deployment to Germany. She wanted to do something special for him and he really wanted a mosin nagant rifle for a couple years now. I would have bought it for him honestly if. she asked because I get paid tomorrow. I hope that answers all your questions!

Hangry

By Geckosrock99 - 20/07/2016 05:58

Today, my iguana tried to eat my hand. Taking that as a sign of being hungry, I gave him a bowl of fruits and veggies. After he finished the bowl, he tried to eat my hand again. My iguana's an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 290

You deserved it 1 860

By fme - 27/01/2018 15:00

Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered, "Incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 875

You deserved it 367

By (L) - 13/02/2018 09:00 - United States - Athens

Today, I was studying in my university library when I noticed an attractive boy sitting alone four tables ahead of me. I wrote down my phone number, scrunched it into a ball, and threw it at him. He looked up, opened it, scrunched it up, and threw it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 796

You deserved it 3 802

Quick turnover

By Jbug - 31/05/2018 13:30 - United States - Stillwater

Today, my girlfriend found a teacher who taught her 10 years ago. He's a complete player, but she fell instantly and madly in love with him and kicked me to the curb. We dated for 3 years and lived together for two. I was fixing to propose in 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 938

You deserved it 362

By teflon_hammer - 25/05/2016 23:19 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 937

You deserved it 1 208

About that...

By Gay younger brother - 30/06/2018 01:30

Today, my brother came out to our parents. They weren't super happy with it, but they said that it was ok since they still had a straight son. I don't know how to tell them that I'm gay too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 648

You deserved it 525

Ghost Shoes

By Fuckedupmom - 23/08/2018 13:00

Today, my 3-year-old daughter has been crying non-stop for an hour because she wants to take off her black shoes. She's not wearing any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 811

You deserved it 241

Help!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2018 14:00

Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 438

You deserved it 588

By Anonymous - 13/05/2017 02:00

Today, while on vacation, I got fired for not working a shift I wasn't scheduled for. Even after texting my boss a copy of my vacation approval letter, she still fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 081

You deserved it 343

Use the force

By BlueMacaw - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 458

You deserved it 4 706

By Afroman720 - 26/08/2015 16:14 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I planned on telling the girl I like that I have feelings for her. What I didn't plan on was having a panic attack and whispering "I really like you!" super creepily and immediately saying "bye" and running away in shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 549

You deserved it 3 966

Afroman720 tells us more.

Afroman720 18

Thursday 27 August 2015 14:20

So I asked her if I could have a redo because I was wayyyyyyyyy too nervous, and so I was able to tell her I like her without the running away and such this time! No update on how she feels about me though...I didn't wait for a response cause I had to leave work in a hurry to make it to school on time haha. One step at a time right?

By Loose Ends - 14/09/2016 23:48 - United States - Waltham

Today, I found out that apparently the pipes for my toilet were never connected, so anything you flush just falls out onto the basement floor downstairs. I've lived here 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 249

You deserved it 2 814

By Anonymous - 28/11/2017 15:00

Today, I saw my 32-year-old boyfriend of 4 years pick his nose and eat it. The booger in question was attached to his nose and he sucked it out spaghetti-style. He then tried to kiss me. I still feel my stomach churning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 189

You deserved it 597

Ouch.

By Jen1444 - 26/02/2018 13:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a financial presentation to my entire firm. After it was over, somebody accidentally copied me on a group text that said, "Her zipper was open the whole time. If we're so successful, why is our CFO wearing a urine-stained store-brand K-Mart panties?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 776

You deserved it 1 007

By Anonymous - 24/04/2018 03:44

Today, while working at a restaurant, I told an old couple that their “vibrator will go off when a table is available.” I meant to say pager. They walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 924

You deserved it 1 005

By hunterchik - 29/09/2018 15:30

Today, I found out about my parent's divorce over Facebook from my sister who lives 8 hours away in another province. They made the decision 3 weeks ago. I live with my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 596

You deserved it 266

By poor excuse for a father - 27/10/2018 14:00

Today, my wife is out of the country so my daughter asked me for help. She'd tried waxing her "private bits" but it hurt too much so she left the strip stuck down there for nearly two days. I was so unable to handle the situation, I called my wife crying and begging her to come home and deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 865

You deserved it 742

By Anonymous - 01/12/2018 11:00 - United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses and didn't realise I had started my period. I managed to ruin 6 dresses before I noticed. The company wants me to pay for them. I can't afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 299

You deserved it 1 423

By Anonymous - 24/12/2018 12:00

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 723

You deserved it 506

Alone time

By Anonymous - 21/10/2015 12:12 - Philippines - Quezon City

Today, as I snuck downstairs for a midnight movie, I witnessed my dad "polishing his wand" to Harry Potter porn in the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 991

You deserved it 3 781

By Val - 27/05/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, a month ago, with great sacrifice, I bought my daughter an expensive gift she wanted - a doll the size of her. We had a big party for her where she took the doll out of the box, threw it on the floor, and has only played with the box for a entire month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 189

You deserved it 889

By nerd - 19/11/2016 19:52

Today, I understand the finer points of the government in Star Wars better than I understand the U.S. government. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 047

You deserved it 2 621

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 12/02/2020 14:00 - United States

Today, my 15 year-old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 222

You deserved it 109 389

Walk or shame

By Anonymous - 24/08/2015 04:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I locked our keys in the car. Our only spare is in the drawer with all our sex toys. So we either had to get our oldest go in the drawer and get them to bring to us or walk the 12 miles home. My feet will never recover from that walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 098

You deserved it 27 331

By hannamacintosh - 25/07/2016 14:13 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I told my husband that I think he has ADHD. He was offended and began to argue, then he got distracted by a dog outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 887

You deserved it 1 663

By ChasingShadows67 - 20/11/2017 15:48 - United States - Ypsilanti

Today, I skipped class. I had never done it before, so I was a little nervous, but it was on my bucket list so I gave it a shot. Later, I found out that the professor cancelled class within the first five minutes. Everyone who showed was given extra credit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 720

You deserved it 5 522

ChasingShadows67 tells us more.

ChasingShadows67 6

Sunday 19 November 2017 22:54

OP here -- I'm a straight A student with a 4.0 GPA. I have my tuition paid for at the college of my dreams. My parents were extremely strict, so skipping class was never an option -- unless I was practically dying, I was going. So yeah, skipping a class was on my bucket list. As you can tell, it didn't work out so well.

Epic Boss Battle

By Anon - 04/01/2018 15:00

Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 402

You deserved it 816

By Si123 - 10/04/2018 00:30 - United Kingdom - Renfrew

Today, while rushing to school, I hurriedly checked my reflection in a parked car’s window. After a few seconds of patting down my hair, the blacked out window of the car rolled down to reveal a family awkwardly watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 749

You deserved it 1 427

By Wolf6661 - 14/03/2016 18:29 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, as a mascot for a pet store, I had to fake my own death to stop a little girl having a temper tantrum because she couldn't take me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 815

You deserved it 1 771

Wolf6661 tells us more.

Wolf6661 22

Tuesday 15 March 2016 3:51

OP here, to fill in the gaps the little girl was about 8 maybe 9 and the parents did try and stop her but it wasn't working, so I felt they needed a hand. To answer the questions of how she reacted, well after she poked and prodded my "dead body", let's just say my ears are still ringing from her shrill little scream of outrage at my "death". Alright well have a nice day y'all taco taco burrito.