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By gb - 18/08/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I was dancing with the 4 hottest girls I've ever seen at a club, and I fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 577

You deserved it 8 874

By iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 258

You deserved it 36 317

By Ieri - 12/04/2014 21:56 - Albania

Today, I was on a date with my boyfriend. As we walked back home from the cinema, he was checking his phone, when suddenly someone grabbed it and ran off. I had to be the one to go run after the thug because my 23-year-old boyfriend froze on the spot, crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 002

You deserved it 5 665

Ieri tells us more.

Ieri 31

Sunday 13 April 2014 23:02

Hey OP here o/ Lots of these comments cracked me up, you guys are awesome xD So here's the follow up: In the end someone who saw what happened grabbed the guy and we could get the phone back (Yes, an iPhone) but he ran away, though it doesn't matter anymore. In response to the comments: 1.I didn't expect him to run after the thug just because he's male, I understand why he'd freeze up, I just didn't expect he'd start crying without saying a word and it was kinda embarrassing. 2.Yeah probably going after him wouldn't have been the safest thing to do, but caught in the spur of the moment that was all I thought to do. And calling the police wouldn't help where I am, they're practically useless -.- Calling for a robbed phone would do nothing. 3.I'm not breaking up with him just because of that, I love him, things happen, I'm not that shallow. Thanks for your comments anyway xD

By Soontobeex - 15/09/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 603

You deserved it 4 684

By Anonymous - 14/02/2010 19:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the shower getting ready for a date, when my older sister thought it would be a laugh to turn out the light. Getting out of the shower to turn it back on, I slipped and hit on my head on the counter. Thanks, sis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 532

You deserved it 3 107

By _Oblivion_ - 27/11/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, I fractured my finger setting up a rat trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 851

You deserved it 13 617

Camping out

By Baggabbles123 - 08/06/2009 23:24 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent, causing the girl to scream and run away. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 452

You deserved it 9 351

By claudio117 - 08/04/2012 09:16 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 774

You deserved it 2 819

By PrintMaster - 20/07/2010 02:06 - United States

Today, as I was buying carrots, a little red light started flashing and an alarm sounded. Curious, I looked up, only to get sprayed in the face by a sprinkler for the produce section of the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 874

You deserved it 9 432

By Steve.mc - 01/05/2011 07:03 - Canada

Today, someone asked my wife if I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 482

You deserved it 7 982

By doblex - 20/12/2012 11:19 - United States

Today, my house was broken into. The cop that came turned out to be a guy I fought over a girl with in high school. He sneered and said that everything appeared to be in order, and that I probably ransacked my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 416

You deserved it 9 066

The big reveal

By yeahthatsme - 30/07/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 966

You deserved it 29 406

By Username - 01/02/2011 15:40

Today, a snow storm rolled into my small town, leaving my car stuck under 3 feet of snow. I called my boss to tell her I couldn't drive to work. Her reply? "Walk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 426

You deserved it 5 898

By disciplinaryaction - 21/11/2011 07:02 - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 781

You deserved it 3 359

By OnPlanetVenus - 04/07/2013 04:41 - United States - Hallam

Today, I discovered that when my husband agreed to donate sperm so an infertile friend and his wife could have children, there was nothing "artificial" about the insemination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 565

You deserved it 6 161

By polluxdc - 10/01/2014 08:20 - United States - Portland

Today, I joked with a pregnant girl in a state juvenile correctional facility where I work that eating a lot of candy would damage the unborn baby's teeth. Without batting an eye, she responded that she would simply "eat some toothpaste after the candy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 119

You deserved it 7 778

polluxdc tells us more.

polluxdc 10

Saturday 11 January 2014 9:13

OP here. Yeah, I was joking, they aren't always the most sophisticated of jokes, but it gives one a sense of where the kid may or may not be coming from. The kid, unfortunately, was not joking, and I had to explain a few things to her. Thanx for the comments. For those of you who said stop joking around and do your job...it'd be a mighty dreary place if there was no humor (lame as it may or may not be). It IS a portion of our job. This post was mostly meant as a, "f" all our lives if this is what the future holds.

By shredded - 12/02/2011 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent three and a half hours creating a Wikipedia page for myself. Three minutes after publishing, it was deleted due to me being a "Non-notable person nobody's ever heard of." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 329

You deserved it 56 231

By SassyBasher - 18/10/2013 00:14 - United States - Taylors

Today, I created a poster trying to raise self-harm awareness in teens for my school. They sent me to the counselor, suspended me, and recommended I go to therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 215

You deserved it 4 982

SassyBasher tells us more.

SassyBasher 13

Friday 18 October 2013 20:53

The poster was not offensive in any way, there were no triggering pictures, and the principal okayed it but apparently changed his mind at the last minute WITHOUT telling me. The reason I was trying to raise awareness is because I recently lost a close friend to suicide after she cut to deeply.

By Sarah91 - 13/10/2008 08:23

Today, I was lying on the bed with my boyfriend. We were watching his cell phone when an automatic reminder message came on the screen: "Do not forget to tell a lie to babe about going out this Friday". FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 530

You deserved it 16 597