Funerals

Pick your battles

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 16:41 - Canada

Today, for about the fifth time, my neighbors parked blocking my driveway. After parking across the street I stuck a note on their windshield reading “Nice park job asshole“, only to find out that their nephew just passed away and everyone was gathering to go to the viewing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 646

You deserved it 53 822

RIP in peace

By Jill - 01/11/2021 06:00 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I found out that my favorite aunt passed away. The funeral was last Thursday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 100

Siouxsie

By Anonymous - 27/01/2016 13:30 - United States - Boston

Today, my friends and I were goofing off playing tag behind the local church, when I heard a banshee-like wail behind me. Assuming it was one of my friends, I wailed right back and ran. Turned out there was actually a funeral going on, and the wail was from one of the bereaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 380

You deserved it 7 930

Read the room

By haqL - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Mexico - Queretaro

Today, my girlfriend brought a 12-pack of beer to my mother's wake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 133

You deserved it 5 045

Toxic masculinity

By Anonymous - 19/07/2021 07:59

Today, my grandad smacked me on the back of the head, and told me to, "Act like a goddamn man and stop crying." It was at the funeral of my mum and sister, who both died in a car crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 126

Late stage capitalism

By Cron - 28/08/2022 00:00

Today, my time-off request was denied because I'd said on my application that I have “open availability.” This is normally true, except my mother passed away and I need to travel to go to her funeral. I attempted to appeal, but ended up fired for “misleading” the company by “lying on a job application.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 124

Small talk

By livvlynette - 27/02/2010 10:15 - Australia

Today, I went to a family funeral. Talking to my grandfather, trying to chitchat, he said, "You're gaining weight, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 148

You deserved it 4 277

Empathy

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 17:00

Today, at a funeral, I'd told my autistic son it would be over at 11:30. By 11:33 he was loudly complaining the funeral should be over, and could we leave because he was bored. I had to drag him out, still loudly complaining about the time, while 50 relatives glared absolute daggers at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 047

You deserved it 387

Boozy wake

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 23:00 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my stepdad's funeral. Everything was great, until people got drunk, kicked off, and the police got called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 122

F*** Grandma, eh kids?

By Sorry mommy - 13/08/2024 05:00 - United States - Corona

Today, I was so distraught during my mother’s funeral that I hadn’t been paying attention to anything around me. At some point, my kids changed my ringtone to “Ding dong the witch is dead” and turned my phone to full volume. They called while I was doing her eulogy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 606

You deserved it 118

Is this legal?

By John Trent - 06/09/2023 13:00 - United Kingdom - Trowbridge

Today, at my grandad's funeral, as my dad and aunt poured his ashes into the hole, a strong gust of wind blew the ashes into my throat. I choked on my grandad. What made it worse was that the vicar had to stop her prayer to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 123

The sociopaths amongst us

By Anonymous - 26/10/2023 22:00

Today, my boss is such an unfeeling asshole that he seriously thought he could demand I only stay at my best friend's funeral for 45 minutes then return to work, because it was “just a friend, not a relative', and that when his mother died he "took a whole 2 hours off and was back at work by 11:45.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 94

Shut up!

By Unfun funeral - 31/10/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I went to my uncle's funeral. His eulogy was ruined by an annoying little kid repeatedly talking over the pastor, who didn't pause for anything, no matter how many times his parents told him to stop. The complimentary lunch was horrible, and the hearse driving him to the cemetery got into an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 79

The little known stages of grief

By Anonymous - 12/06/2022 22:00

Today, for some reason my girlfriend wanted to have sex in the bathroom at a family funeral. I’m sure that’s a sin, I mean… we definitely did it, so sorry Nana, but now I feel all wrong about it and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell one day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 394

You deserved it 1 626

Remember me?

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 16:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my father passed. He never gave me the time of day for anything, but he was my dad so I went to the funeral. However, 98% of the people there had no idea he had an eldest daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 235

You deserved it 85

Sacred spot

By Anonymous - 28/03/2022 02:00

Today, after I spent a fortune on plane tickets and hiked a mountain so I could spread dad's ashes around the boulder where he proposed to mom, and where mom's ashes were scattered 3 years ago, the moment was ruined by the fat, stoned teenagers having sex on the boulder here in the middle of nowhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 307

By thanatophobia - 15/03/2010 00:20 - France

Today, my deranged coworker sent me a text message containing a picture that she just took of her uncle. It was at his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 062

You deserved it 2 024

Too late

By hinting - 17/06/2013 16:43 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 620

You deserved it 4 594

Controlling

By Anonymous - 09/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my soon to be ex-husband and ex-mother in law informed me I couldn't go to the funeral of a really good friend we shared. I went anyway, but I can't imagine how the divorce is going to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 101

Supportive

By Anonymous - 14/08/2022 18:00 - Australia

Today, it's my husband's funeral. My adult children never made it secret that they didn't like him, but I'd hoped they'd come to support me. Their replies when I asked them went from, "You know I hated him", to "No, I have work", to "I'm not going anywhere near that fanatic's church." FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 1 235

Not now, Dave

By shanti - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Today, my husband cracked a "Rectum? Damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 514

You deserved it 4 856

Are you kidding me?

By The nice guy finishing last - 27/03/2017 12:00

Today, my mom talked me into going to a funeral since my dad wouldn't go. It was for one of her classmates. When it was our time to view the casket, we paused in front of it for a second before my mom leans over to me and says, "What if I told you that was really your dad?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 285

You deserved it 578

Traditional

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 02:01

Today, while I was at work, my dumbass husband gave his dead rabbit a Viking funeral by sending it down the river behind our house in a crate he set on fire. It got stuck on a tree, which caught on fire, along with the field and the warehouse next to the field. The police think he did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 179

Don't hate the player…

By Anonymous - 29/03/2023 14:00

Today, my son is such an idiot that he forgot he invited both his girlfriends to my brother's funeral. They started a punch-up over him and everyone ended up joining in since we're a very argumentative family. People got arrested and in the end both girls agreed to share my son, who was unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 287

Timing is everything

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Metamora

Today, a cop turned his lights and siren on to pull me over. I pulled into a parking lot and got a ticket. It wasn't until the cop pulled away that I realized that I'd pulled into, and interrupted, an on-going funeral visitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 239

You deserved it 5 366

By Kurt's Dad - 15/05/2019 16:04

Today, during my grandmother's funeral, my talented ten-year-old son found the church organ and began playing Smells Like Teen Spirit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 331

Grave error

By spyrogers1677 - 18/11/2022 00:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my job as a funeral director, I fell ass over heels into the grave in front of a hundred mourners and an unamused Catholic priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 160

Thoughts and prayers

By Anonymous - 06/09/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach. We were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I noticed that a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 415

You deserved it 53 870

Late for his own funeral

By Anonymous - 09/06/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. As we were in the cars behind the hearse, I lost sight of it in traffic, ended up taking a wrong turn, and getting lost… As did half the cars behind me, who also didn’t know where the crematorium was, and just kept following me. We delayed the funeral quite a bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 169

Uber karma

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 17:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, I dropped off my visibly-upset Uber passengers off at a funeral. I absentmindedly said, “Good luck, have fun!” as they got out. Needless to say, I got my first 1-star rating today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 1 108

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The Top

Today, as punishment for going through my boyfriend’s phone and finding evidence of him cheating, he dropped me off at the gym and made me stay there for an hour to workout. As soon as I get to a “desirable physique” he’ll dump the other woman. If I don’t do it, he’ll kick me out of our apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 275

You deserved it 406

Today, my girlfriend accused me of only dating her because I’m lonely and want sex. Surely the point of dating someone you love is to be together so you’re not alone, and I have it on good authority that dating occasionally includes sex, so is she nuts or am I actually the bad guy here? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 679

You deserved it 542

Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 271

You deserved it 63 255

Today, I was in charge of taking a delivery of new office chairs for the meeting room at work. The delivery men took the old chairs, but left without delivering the new ones. I can't get in contact with them, and we have a big meeting first thing tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 263

You deserved it 4 322

Today, and for the past 2 weeks, I've had a massive pain in my throat. It went down for a while with antibiotics, but when it came back I had to go to the hospital for an emergency surgery. There was a 3 cm abscess growing in my throat. Happy birthday to me! FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 124

You deserved it 127

Today, I had a woman accuse me of trying to steal her husband over the phone, just because I called and asked for him. I'm an interviewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 846

You deserved it 2 807