Sex

Snooping

By Anonymous - 16/10/2024 19:30 - India - Bhubaneswar

Today, I was forced to use Egspy on my wife's iPhone. She is going out with a colleague in exchange for getting her promotion approved. I've never had any hints or doubts, but it seems she's having illicit relations with multiple colleagues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 160

Hormones

By HormonesSuck - 25/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 210

All the single ladies (All the single ladies)

By Lissa - 10/09/2019 20:00

Today, I’m a 28 year-old single mom who has never has never experienced an orgasm. This sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 862

You deserved it 617

Downhill from here

By forewhatnow - 07/11/2009 08:47 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend took me out to a really romantic dinner. Later, I lost my virginity. The chicken was better than he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 769

You deserved it 9 866

Not now

By nexus - 25/09/2021 09:59 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 019

You deserved it 588

Slumber off

By mean mommy - 16/07/2019 12:30

Today, I was hosting a slumber party for my daughter, but I ended it abruptly and demanded that every child be picked up. Several pissed off parents and a sobbing daughter later, I’m the most hated. I made them leave after two of the girls bragged about losing their virginity. They’re 12. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 2 271

Oddly specific question

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 06:00 - Japan - Osaka

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he’d love me if I were a worm. His answer involved chopping me in half and having a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 668

How could you?

By datingmrpicky - 22/08/2011 03:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 523

You deserved it 37 041

Major red flag

By Z…… - 15/04/2024 03:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, after he asked to hit it raw three days into talking, shit got a little messy, so he said he needed time to decide how he felt about me. So, he's ready to be a high school baby daddy before trying to be my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 687

You can't handle the truth!

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 04:00

Today, I went into my dad’s phone out of suspicion and read his texts. Instant regret. He’s 65, goes to various prostitutes, mum’s oblivious, they’re happy and take care of each other. This one’s a weird one to suppress or learn to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 476

You deserved it 1 555

Snooze fest

By Karly - 03/02/2022 20:00

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while still giving me oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 278

You deserved it 254

Jelly?

By kallens - 15/01/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for K-Y Jelly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 909

You deserved it 2 832

Uncomfortable

By maidmyday - 12/08/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, I started a new job as a maid. As I was cleaning the master bedroom's en-suite bathroom, the owners of the house came in and started making love. I was too scared to admit I was there, but after there was silence for a few minutes I thought it might be safe to leave. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 222

You deserved it 7 762

We were on a break!

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 17:01

Today, it's been two weeks since my girlfriend of many years and I decided to take a short break from each other. We'd been fighting a lot and felt like some space would help the situation. I found out today that, at some point during those two weeks, she decided to go and have sex with my (now ex) best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 301

Self love

By why - 28/02/2023 10:00 - United States - Brookline

Today, I broke my leg. It's bad enough on its own, but I secretly have a fetish for casts and crutches. I'm constantly turned on and it's driving me crazy. Six weeks to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 1 223

The sensual world

By so unsexy - 04/08/2016 21:32 - United States - Seattle

Today, I thought I'd spice things up by kissing my husband on the lips and then working my way down. But about halfway, I got some of his chest hairs lodged in my throat and started gagging. To avoid ruining the mood, I kept going, silently gagging, until we finished. I swallowed the hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 055

You deserved it 5 408

Third wheel

By wallflower - 10/09/2009 06:25 - United States

Today, I finally agreed to the threesome that my husband has been trying to persuade me to have. We arranged it with my hot best friend, thinking I would be more comfortable with her. I ended up lying naked beside them, watching them have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 372

You deserved it 41 513

Booming

By Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 977

You deserved it 10 234

Horndog

By Anonymous - 25/04/2021 08:01

Today, despite giving my sister a place to stay while she's in town for a funeral, she demanded I give a bedroom to her son to have to himself, because, "How am I supposed to have 'sexy time' with my husband with him in the room?" Everyone's sharing rooms, and no one's getting sexy time as someone literally died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 664

You deserved it 121

Soon…

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 17:01

Today, my 16 year-old nephew gave me advice on how to get laid. At age 30, I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 137

You deserved it 326

Life on Nightmare mode

By shitforchris - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I had to give the girl I am absolutely in love with advice on how to have better sex with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 302

You deserved it 12 133

Good question

By clostar - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had sex with a guy I met at a party and passed out in his bed. When I woke up at 3 am, he sat up and said, "You're still here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 901

You deserved it 10 218

No sex for you

By oops - 03/07/2021 13:59

Today, I gave my mom a shirt as a birthday present. Apparently, she already had the exact same shirt, so asked me for the receipt so she could return it and get a different one. When she read the receipt, she grounded me. I forgot I bought a box of condoms when I bought the shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 1 020

Zoomers zooming

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 08:08

Today, I was blowing my husband when we heard that distinctive shutter noise, and we realised our daughter had taken a photo of us. Apparently, she meant to take a video because she knows a website where any kind of "spying on people having sex" video will earn her $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 802

You deserved it 964

Rubbers

By Anonymous - 26/09/2025 12:00

Today, I’m bisexual and recently started dating my girlfriend who’s a lesbian. I made a complete fool of myself when we were about to have sex because out of habit I asked if she had any condoms. Sex makes me dumb I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 166

You deserved it 293

Are you experienced?

By ugh - 11/03/2013 11:33 - United States - Easthampton

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 622

You deserved it 27 062

Kinky

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 22:00

Today, my husband asked if we could try food play during sex. I okayed it, thinking it would be the standard squirty cream or chocolate sauce. Let’s just say I was not expecting him to be eating crispy bacon and blue cheese sauce off my boobs. Good Lord, I married a weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 545

Not that handy

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/03/2020 02:00

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 687

You deserved it 1 967

The Talk

By Ken - 10/05/2021 20:01 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I asked my 13-year-old son if he thought he was mature enough for a talk about "the birds and the bees." His response was, "They fly, so what? Why would I care?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 933

Have some patience

By Anonymous - 07/07/2022 18:00 - Switzerland

Today, waiting times in our emergency department were so long that a patient who'd initially presented with just a sprained ankle eventually presented with a sprained ankle and a request to test for STDs because he went to see a prostitute instead of waiting, and his condom broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 135

You deserved it 247

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my family decided it'd be a great idea to berate me for not being excited enough for my brother and his wife's baby news. They told us on my birthday, adding that if I wasn't so fat I'd have one too. I have insulin-resistant PCOS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 122

Today, apparently having mood swings at 37 weeks pregnant is being "braggy" according to my husband, and totally not acceptable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 165

Today, I was copying an assignment from my friend and was feeling confident that I was gonna pass. I later found out I copied his name too, so the teacher failed us both. He won't talk to me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 2 344

Today, I mopped all the floors in my house. When I was finally done, I accidentally knocked over an open bottle of soda. My cats took this as a perfect opportunity to chase each other around, step in the soda, and track sticky paw prints everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 654

You deserved it 7 135

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 237

You deserved it 249

Today, I found out that the sleazy guy I met with a few days ago decided to move into my home town to "be closer" to me. I've already told him I'm not interested in him, but he still continues to ask me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 870

You deserved it 7 126