Painful

It hurts

By dogbait - 14/02/2010 05:07 - France

Today, my neighbor's dog bit me, it was extremely painful. The gash in my leg was deep and bleeding like crazy. When I finally got into my house screaming in agonizing pain, my mother said "Quit bitching, walk it off and you'll be fine." My leg is purple now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 094

You deserved it 3 374

The body keeps the score

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 17:00 - United Kingdom - Pontefract

Today, I started my period, complete with cramps, diarrhoea, a headache, bloating, and aching legs. Apparently my body didn't get the message that I had a total hysterectomy a month ago, including my ovaries, tubes and cervix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 07/06/2019 16:00

Today, I woke up with really sore abs; not from working out at the gym, but because I've been coughing for 3 days straight and nothing is helping. Now every time I cough, it physically hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 554

You deserved it 140

Cool

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 18:00

Today, I tore my calf muscle while skipping and singing Yellow Brick Road. I'm off my foot for 4-6 weeks and don't even have a cool story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 418

Flattened foot

By Anonymous - 10/03/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, my mother accused me of being a drama queen when I screamed as she stepped on my foot. I was barefoot and she was wearing boots. One of my toes is swelling and turning purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 94

Karen strikes again

By Anonymous - 21/05/2022 04:00

Today, a woman maced me from her car window because I was approaching her in a menacing, rapist kind of way. She never happened to consider that my car was in the parking spot right next to hers. She didn’t apologise, just said it was my fault for looking like a rapist, and drove away leaving me half blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542

You deserved it 117

Knackered

By Anonymous - 11/06/2022 16:00 - Germany

Today, I'm fit, but so exhausted from work that I hardly managed to even climb the stairs. Yet, as soon as I sit on the couch for longer than half an hour, my butt starts hurting. So I guess it’s either reading a book lying on my stomach, which makes my back hurt, or hanging upside down from the ceiling like a bat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 151

No napping, only feeding

By Not Helping - 06/07/2022 02:59 - United States - Steele

Today, I've had a cold that just won't go away for the past few days. After staying painfully awake for most of the day, I eventually fell asleep in the afternoon. When I woke up, I found my hungry cat sitting on my chest. She then sneezed in my face and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 216

Not helping

By Anonymous - 21/02/2023 22:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I came home from work early due to a massive headache. A half hour later, the jackhammering started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 82

The harder they come…

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 144

You deserved it 10 693

Nuts

By Almost neutered - 02/07/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 151

Up it goes

By 0stvn0 - 16/03/2012 01:18 - Canada

Today, my doctor booked me in for an STI test. I was feeling confident until he explained it will involve having a catheter inserted into my piss pipe. He shook his head sadly and said, "Gonna be honest Steve, the pain's beyond belief." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 795

You deserved it 5 701

Footloose

By my feet hurt - 11/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, and after every shift, all the pain receptors in my body somehow migrate to my feet and activate all at once. I’ve had a baby and the childbirth didn’t hurt this bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 69

Push through the pain barrier

By Renee Simard - 18/09/2021 23:00

Today, despite being unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time or walk farther than a few hundred feet, the doctor told me to begin doing 30 minutes of non-stop exercise everyday. He literally said, “Don’t stop for 30 minutes everyday.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 221

Skincare routing

By Tomatoe Face - 22/04/2014 05:31 - United States - Antioch

Today, I used a facial mask for super sensitive skin, recommended by several friends with similar skin issues. Apparently, when the warning says, "May cause some slight redness for thirty minutes", it really means, "Your face will have hives and swell to twice its normal size for several hours." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 488

You deserved it 4 955

My life is a romcom

By Lucky girl - 23/08/2023 04:00 - Canada

Today, I was at a friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. Everyone cheered, until I slipped on the flowers and fell flat on my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 126

Just my luck

By Bonk - 19/01/2023 00:00

Today, I now know how it feels when a football lands directly on the top of your head. While I don't consider myself to be the unluckiest person in the world, I'd say I'm pretty high up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 147

Healthy mind in a healthy body

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 12:59 - Brazil - Niter?i

Today, I started a diet to lose the 20lbs I put on during quarantine. It was also the day my body decided the diminished food intake means I'm trying to starve it to death, and must be punished with a horrible migraine. That's what I get for trying to be healthier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 230

Doggy dog world

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 22:00

Today, I was standing at our fence welcoming our new neighbors as they moved in. My 85-pound boxer thought it would be a good idea to start sprinting along the fence line so their dog would join in. He crashed into my right knee at full speed. I now have a sprained and/or torn MCL and PCL. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 175

Bunged up

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 16:00 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today I discovered the hard way that you can rip your own butthole. Not from having sex though, I ripped my own butt because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 161

Posturing

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 02:01 - Canada

Today, I researched how to manage chronic tailbone pain from excessive sitting. One of the most consistent pieces of advice was to lean forward when working. My posture is already so bad, my chiropractor says I'm one of his worst clients of all time. I work a desk job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 198

Worst prank ever

By Dexter - 21/05/2023 18:00

Today, I was in school when I got up to ask the teacher a question. For no reason, the guy sitting next to me punched me in the gut so hard I collapsed and saw stars. The teacher simply rolled her eyes and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 117

Sorry!

By My hip hurts - 23/01/2023 01:00

Today, I got hit by a car while going out for a jog. As I writhed on the floor in pain, I heard the driver say, “Sorry!” and the sound of tires squealing. He’d sped off. I didn’t get a chance to get his license plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 112

Red flag

By Anonymous - 29/10/2022 06:00

Today, I have a broken nose because my girlfriend saw I got a text from a woman called Gemma. Gemma is the name of my ex, so she smashed me in the face with a full cereal bowl. Funny thing, Gemma is also the name of my boss, who was texting me about a work thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 615

You deserved it 162

Throbbing

By 2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 011

You deserved it 1 174

Nature is harsh

By fallsdownplenty45 - 02/06/2009 11:08 - Taiwan

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 958

You deserved it 6 763

Creamed

By Anonymous - 15/10/2021 02:00

Today, I had a heat rash on my crotch. I asked my mom for cortisone cream. While I was putting it on, it suddenly started burning. It turns out she gave me arthritis cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 196

The Brian Harvey

By Yougotmail - 17/07/2022 06:00

Today, I managed to run over my own foot with my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 668

Fight yoga, try anxiety

By Anonymous - 16/01/2023 02:00

Today, I started yoga to help with my stress and overall health. I also got a "hit by a truck" migraine in the middle of my second downward dog pose, and spent the last 20 minutes of the 30 minute lesson curled up in fetal position on my new yoga mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 112

She'll grow out of it

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 16:00

Today, my two month-old continued teething. Her mouth is too small for teethers and pacifiers because she’s small for her age, she only thing giving her relief is using my breast as a teether. I’m cut and bruised, and there's no end in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 1 161

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The Top

Today, I phoned my ex, who I only broke up with a week ago. I then told her about the song I'd written about her. I have written a song, but it's shite and I would die of embarrassment if I ever had to play it to her. I’ll have to play it to her and confess my simpy, wet ways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 1 950

Today I bombed a very important test. Being too upset to drive, I pulled into a lot and sobbed hysterically. A security guard tapped my window and demanded I move immediately. I tried to explain that I wasn’t in a state to drive, so he called the police on me. I was detained under suspicion of DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 250

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 202

You deserved it 4 681

Today, I bought my house specifically because it has a long driveway for my work van, but the council just decided to install a raised kerb pedestrian crossing with bollards while I was at work. There is now no way at all to swing my van wide enough to get it onto my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 60

Today, I told my new hairstylist that I like Jennifer Aniston's look and that I'm trying to grow my hair out. She gave me the "Rachel" haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 228

You deserved it 1 282

Today my life revolves around nutrition mixes, feeding times, blankets, tooth problems, and the eternal question of what caused the diarrhea. Infants, right? Well no, actually: Very, very old horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 230