Birthday

Short Queen

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, it's my 36th birthday. My boyfriend and I celebrated with a big group of our friends, our families, and their kids. Everyone there was taller than me, including my friend's 10 year-old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 117

Entitled

By RachelD - 17/07/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, I can’t make it to my friend’s birthday party because my dog died this morning. I called my friend to inform her and she screamed at me because a "dumb animal" is more important than her best friend. Oh, and she asked me if that also means she won’t be getting a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 135

By SquirrellyGirl - 15/07/2019 22:00

Today, my brother asked if I could babysit his kids tomorrow. I declined, as tomorrow is my birthday and I have plans. This isn't the first time he's forgotten my birthday, and I doubt it'll be the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 759

You deserved it 139

Embezzlement

By Username - 06/01/2011 07:49

Today, I found the birthday card my grandma had mailed. Apparently, it contained a gift of $100. Too bad it was in my mom's trash can, opened, with no money. She told my grandma it must have gotten lost in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 649

You deserved it 2 480

Happy birthday!

By sambo99 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. So far I have received: the news that my parents are divorcing, a dead bird and a pile of shit left on my bed (courtesy of the cat), a rash all over my face, and some slippers from my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 018

You deserved it 3 380

Gimme a break

By Anonymous - 18/07/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, it's been two years since my dad died on my birthday. Last year I was able to be out of the US on the day thanks to rewards points, because I don't want to be around my normal boring routine the day of. This year I could have made it if my car's repair cost less than $600. Turns out it's going to cost $1000. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 104

Not anyone's favorite

By Anonymous - 13/11/2022 10:00

Today, everyone at school told me to wish my brother a happy birthday. We're twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 105

Brothers in arms

By MitchRapp - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother asked me what I want for my birthday, so I said that we could just hang out. He told me I should ask for something more realistic, like a gift card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 564

You deserved it 1 758

Almost done

By Anonymous - 09/04/2013 04:59 - Canada

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick." One more year… FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 627

You deserved it 3 456

The nerve

By Anonymous - 18/09/2022 08:00

Today, my biological mother, who abandoned me at the hospital the day I was born, turned up at my son's birthday party, demanding my bone marrow to treat some disease she has. When I outright refused, she tried to ask my son for his marrow to, “save granny’s life”. He’s 5 and now won’t stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 791

You deserved it 137

Gift ideas

By suckishbf - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend's present to me was that he actually flushed the toilet AND put the seat down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 474

You deserved it 6 886

My forever home

By Anonymous - 01/05/2025 12:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, my father gave me the best birthday gift, a piece of real estate. I got a grave, which is leased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 68

You can't handle the truth!

By WhoNeedsFriends - 28/08/2021 10:01 - United States - Staten Island

Today, my friends held a roast for my birthday, as per my request. They went pretty hard and I got a little uncomfortable. Afterwards, I told them that their jokes were a little too far, and they said all of their roasts were 100% genuine, and they just needed an excuse to tell me their problems with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 1 657

The more you know

By Donald Boyd - 12/05/2025 06:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I went to a niece's birthday party and was very careful with what food I ate, as I have gluten and garlic sensitivity. I left the party with numb lips, so I guess I have a new sensitivity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 81

Whoops

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 01:29 - United States

Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friends and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 686

You deserved it 4 118

Being boring

By dicedicebaby - 23/03/2015 00:20 - United States - Columbus

Today, I had my 18th birthday party. At midnight, three police officers showed up at my door and asked if they could look around. Were we doing anything bad? Nope. My friends suck at parking. Before they left, the officers said that this was the most toned down party they'd seen in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 732

You deserved it 3 458

Dude, where's my car?

By not_so_sweet_sixteen - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. I was hoping to get a car. Instead, my parents got me a three month membership at the gym so I can lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 725

You deserved it 56 294

By Anonymous - 06/02/2016 02:16 - Canada - Richmond Hill

Today, my now ex-boyfriend accused me of wanting to screw his 11-year-old brother, all because I expressed interest in going to his birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 171

You deserved it 1 655

The gang

By Anonymous - 05/02/2025 19:00 - Ireland - Portlaoise

Today, I went to my friend's house to celebrate her birthday but 3 of them ganged up on me and molested my arse cheeks. Later, someone found a wooden plank and spanked me hard. There was also a BB gun and my arse was the target. I have been a social outcast all my life, and these are my only friends, but I'm always hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 151

The sleepwalkers are at it again!

By sierra - 11/03/2021 02:02

Today, my mom told me she’d never forgive me for eating her birthday candy. I ate it in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 336

By unlucky22 - 22/10/2017 19:00

Today, I turned twenty two. Three days ago I was fired. Two days ago I failed a midterm. Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 678

You deserved it 405

Mid-life crisis

By Anonymous - 04/01/2025 12:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, my dad had his 45th birthday and got so drunk he couldn't walk. He crawled along, crying, saying that his whole life was a failure because he had "a shitty job, a fat girlfriend, and a dipshit son who's never going to move out." I haven't moved out because I'm 18 and still at high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 647

You deserved it 108

Spoiler warning

By Cantseethroughdoors - 14/11/2017 05:00

Today, everyone was signing a birthday card to surprise a coworker. I was told to go find someone who hadn't signed it so I went to the office next to mine, opened the door, and told them about the card. The intended recipient was sitting behind the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 977

You deserved it 1 298

It's still a bop! It slaps!

By Please find a new song - 20/11/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, I was once again woken up to my dad blasting The Beatles' song "Birthday." He does this whenever it's anyone's birthday (in this case, my mom's) and he knows a lot of people. It was funny at first, but now it's getting old very quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 101

By Fat Bastard - 20/05/2019 04:02

Today, my son bought me some Slimfast for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 835

You deserved it 319

Plans

By not invited - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Appleton

Today, a close friend told me she had no plans for her birthday. I found out she was lying when I had to serve her and nine other mutual friends dinner at the restaurant I work at. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I wasn't invited or that none of them even remembered that I worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 648

You deserved it 1 690

Where were you?

By Numskull - 27/04/2026 15:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I showed up to my mate's wedding. There was a board for someone's 100th birthday instead. I screwed up the dates and the wedding was yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 440

Oh look, a big red flag!

By fmlmvlijthen - 29/09/2024 16:00 - Netherlands

Today, the girl I've been seeing for two months and with whom I'm in love with, asked me, whilst she's on holiday celebrating her birthday, whether I would pay for a male escort for her as a birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 156

Scary

By The V Sal - 13/02/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I was helping supervise a 5 year-old's birthday party in an inflatable obstacle course. I was playing hide and seek with them. I saw the birthday boy and crept around the corner and yelled, "Found you!" He peed his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 131

You deserved it 34 331

By Mak10 - 21/08/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and asked, "Who am I?" He then replied, "An idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 495

You deserved it 51 209

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The Top

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 997

You deserved it 919

Today, I got pulled over, not because I was speeding but because apparently, I looked like a kid driving. The officer said I was too short to drive and needed a booster seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 237

You deserved it 1 165

Today, a week after spending most of my paycheck on a down-payment and rent on a new apartment, I found out the "landlord" I paid was a scammer. Turns out the real owner was away on vacation, and he'd stolen most of her stuff before showing me the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 840

You deserved it 1 406

Today, after a three day hospitalization, four weeks of a new heart med, no alcohol and no caffeine, my heart rhythm was finally back on track. That is until some a-hole teens decided that banging loudly on my door and running away was hilarious. Oh well, back to square one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 107

Today, my sister had about 10 seconds of screen time as a nameless extra in a movie and mom won’t stop crying she’s so proud she saw one of her babies on the TV. I used to work for the BBC. I was on TV for minutes at a time, at least once a week, and she was never this proud of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 150

Today, my parents told me that since I'm old enough to want to keep my baby, I have 30 days to find a place to live. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 1 448