The Top

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By Anonymous - 19/08/2015 05:15 - United States - Mineola

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 367

You deserved it 11 527

By DDRFreak - 19/03/2015 21:49 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I was playing Dance Dance Revolution in an arcade when a woman came up and asked me if playing it was my job. I laughed but then realized that it is actually the closest thing I have to a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 665

You deserved it 7 673

By Completely Innocent - 05/03/2015 17:10 - United States

Today, a coworker told my manager that I and another girl were plotting to get her fired at the end of the month. She actually believed her. Now we're suspended without pay for two weeks for conspiracy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 598

You deserved it 2 853

By Bad Dancer - 05/07/2015 01:48 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 050

You deserved it 3 537

By Haggis300 - 28/03/2015 23:44 - Australia

Today, my best friend went to my boss and offered to do my job for half the pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 300

You deserved it 2 452

By AIienware - 30/06/2015 15:33

Today, at my job at a ceramics store, I was loading a $300 statuette into a woman's car when I saw a dismembered foot in the trunk. I was so startled that I dropped the statuette and it shattered. Turns out the foot was fake and now my boss says I have to pay for the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 596

You deserved it 6 132

By IceWrath - 16/08/2015 08:14 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my elderly dad learned how to use Facebook. He now spends most of his time messaging me about his meals, his bowel movements and his foot fungus. He's now learning how to use Skype. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 145

You deserved it 2 424

By Vlen - 24/05/2015 02:38 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I sleep during the day because I work nights. My neighbors have a very loud wedding and reception in their backyard including a live mariachi band. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 931

You deserved it 3 438

By lonelygal69 - 19/08/2015 05:54 - United States - Stafford

Spicy

Today, my husband decided he'd rather jerk off to the Wii Fit trainer than have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 191

You deserved it 3 815

Asshole

By Anonymous - 30/04/2015 17:33 - United Kingdom - Limavady

Today, someone at work took my delicate medication out of the fridge to make room for their lunch. Now my medication has expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 760

You deserved it 2 896

By whyyyyyme - 04/08/2015 01:43 - Canada

Today, I also needed to add, "Does not currently live in a psychiatric hospital, after being declared 'Not criminally responsible for a crime'" to my list of qualities that I want in a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 751

You deserved it 2 239

By Anonymous - 07/04/2015 00:44 - United States

Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 897

You deserved it 2 064

By skyllabeauty1234 - 23/07/2015 03:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I am probably the only person in the world who can manage to pull a muscle in their neck while brushing their teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 249

You deserved it 2 725

By CaptainFluffyPaw - 29/06/2015 01:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 812

You deserved it 1 880

Slow day

By lion2294 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Laingsburg

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 926

You deserved it 7 438

By GreatParenting - 26/07/2015 22:47 - United States - Nampa

Today, I had to go to the emergency room in the middle of the night. Even though they know I don't have any money, let alone shoes on my feet, my parents have decided it's far too much trouble to come pick me up because we're on vacation and they want to have fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 172

You deserved it 1 966

Teamwork

By eventer1919 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rice Lake

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 425

You deserved it 1 893

By gross - 06/08/2015 17:28 - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 838

You deserved it 3 184

By _whyy_mee - 02/07/2015 18:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my neighbor yelled at me for driving recklessly. I was going 35 mph, and she was stopped in the middle of a road around a blind curve. My "reckless driving" was slamming on the brakes so I wouldn't hit her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 834

You deserved it 1 973

By curseyousuperman - 01/04/2015 16:20 - United States - Conway

Today, my self-esteem issues got me jealous of Superman's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 838

You deserved it 6 685

Thanks, I hate it!

By gingerwhinger - 05/08/2015 23:24 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, an older lady approached me at work and stroked my hair, telling me it was 'beautiful'. This isn't unusual, I'm a natural redhead and octogenarians especially seem to love the colour. However, the unusual part was the glob of snot she left in my hair from her unwashed hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 279

You deserved it 1 747

By Anonymous - 28/07/2015 13:14 - Australia - Sydney

Today, a customer bitched me out, saying he wouldn't eat his vegetarian dish because it didn't "look vegetarian enough." He then demanded a refund and a plate of the same vegetarian dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 274

You deserved it 1 527

Would I lie to you?

By sarika - 24/07/2015 00:12 - United States - Appleton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 015

You deserved it 2 389

Great gig

By mildlyconcussed - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Italy - Somma Vesuviana

Today, I went to a gig. The drummer threw his drumsticks out at the end and I managed to catch one. With my face. Not only did I get a black eye, but the person next to me snatched the drumstick from my hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 038

You deserved it 1 970

The bitch is back

By thatsucks - 28/02/2009 11:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later, I got a text saying, "I just dropped the bitch off, I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I later asked him about it. He said, "Megan, I have no idea what you're talking about." My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291 458

You deserved it 143 571

Cheers

By Chubby - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Lake Worth

Today, my grandmother came to visit and asked me, "Did you change your hair, or are you just fatter now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 656

You deserved it 3 155

By Tadpolecrusader - 08/04/2015 11:05 - Australia

Today, I did the smart thing and bought an umbrella before walking to work. My efforts proved useless when a truck ran through a huge puddle and drenched me from head to toe. My underwear was still wet 4 hours later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 088

You deserved it 2 122

Tadpolecrusader tells us more.

Tadpolecrusader 10

Thursday 9 April 2015 3:02

I love reading your comments, they are amazing :D I thought it only happened in comics that sort of thing too. But the sheer force of this wave actually made me nearly fall over (the road drainage pipe was blocked I can only assume). And living in Australia means that we are not used to much rain. But I sure was wishing I had taken more notice. That being said, I can also add that the idea of bring extra clothes to work because of rain is a fairly foreign idea to us. Usually its just a light sprinkle throughout the day if at all, so often people don't even worry about an umbrella, unless we know its going to get heavy. As for work, I don't think my manager cared too much, she just found me a towel and let me do what I needed to. And I have no idea if the truck driver did it on purpose or even noticed. But judging the position of everything, I would say it was unavoidable for him. And he was coming up behind me, so I don't see him coming to avoid it. 10/10 will be more careful in the future :)

By anonymous - 05/05/2015 06:42 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I decided it was time to start looking for my own place and finally gain my full independence. My mom agreed happily without hesitation, which was surprising, but not anywhere near as surprising as finding out I have one day to get my shit together and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 481

You deserved it 3 253

Mount Everest

By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 12:58 - India - Mumbai

Today, my boss asked if I could spare a few minutes to finish off the last of his paperwork backlog. I'm pretty desperate for a raise, so I said sure. Turns out the "small", "should-take-a-few-minutes" backlog consists of 3 desk-high stacks of documents. Goodbye, cruel world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 442

You deserved it 3 133

Precision strike

By argfarblewarblearble - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 285

You deserved it 2 407

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was talking to one of my British friends online, and he told me to say "yew anchors" a few times really fast. I'm a fairly stupid person, and wasn't very focused, so I did as he said. When I finally figured what the words meant, my dad had heard and grounded me for cursing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 445

You deserved it 10 172

Today, I was working as a counsellor at a special needs camp when one of the parents came up to my friend and asked her what my disorder was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 907

You deserved it 3 555

Today, I got into an argument with a 7 year old. He said that Obama was the 44th President, I said he was the 42nd. Guess who was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 100

You deserved it 86 389

Today, my roommates keep opening my bedroom door to "let the WiFi out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 488

You deserved it 558

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 407

You deserved it 37 735

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my parents, expecting them to be thrilled. Instead, they were furious. Apparently, being unmarried and on disability means I can't raise a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 1 780