The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By SexOnTheBeach - 11/10/2015 03:34 - France - Livry-gargan

Today, my boyfriend invited me to his new apartment for a candle-lit dinner. While we were having drinks, I got up to wash my hands. Thinking that he was watching me walking away, I turned around to send him a kiss. He was spitting in my cocktail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 79

By Anonymous - 05/04/2019 18:00

Today, I realised how little my husband trusts me after I told him I was pregnant and the first words out of his mouth were, “Is it mine?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 542

You deserved it 438

By elena02 - 21/11/2015 19:45 - United States - Wayne

Today, my house is so cold that I chipped a tooth from chattering so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 457

You deserved it 2 972

By Anonymous - 11/11/2015 08:51 - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 992

You deserved it 1 677

By areyoukiddingme - 02/11/2015 05:54 - United States - Marion

Today, my roommate blocked my phone number and won't speak to me. All because I mistakenly used her hand soap, thinking it was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 087

You deserved it 2 191

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 15:20 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time. The minute I stepped in the door his mother hit me in the face and kicked me out because I was "the slut her husband cheated on her with." My older sister and I look much alike. Too much alike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 864

You deserved it 4 690

By steffansk1997 - 15/12/2016 21:08

Today, I had an appointment with the CEO of a big company about a game I'm going to make for them. The first thing I did after sitting down was to throw my coffee all over his desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 532

You deserved it 996

By GeeThanks - 02/05/2017 05:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 263

You deserved it 283

By really - 13/12/2016 08:24 - Australia

Today, after telling my boss about my hearing problem, she simply told me to "listen harder". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 962

You deserved it 530

Rural

By grossew - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff

Today, my farm dog and I are spending the weekend in an urban area. She won't poop on concrete, so I directed her to a nice two-foot tall grassy median. As she vaulted up onto the median, two turds shot out of her ass and plopped right on my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 876

You deserved it 462

By ouch - 05/10/2015 19:20 - United States - Stockton

Today, I cracked my tooth. I was so tired I put my pretzel stick in my tea and took a bite out of my spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 893

You deserved it 3 781

By Anonymous - 24/05/2017 20:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, at my first day of work at a new job, I got stuck in the elevator going to the parking garage. I have claustrophobia about both elevators and parking garages. They said this never happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 153

You deserved it 402

By Js2cool - 29/09/2015 02:32 - United States - Fitchburg

Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 099

You deserved it 7 129

By Ally - 27/09/2015 01:47 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I wrote a song for my boyfriend on paper. The first thing he did was correct my grammar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 035

You deserved it 8 485

By SariLone - 19/05/2013 18:02 - India - Mumbai

Today, my cockgoblin of an ex showed up at my house, begging me to take him back. This guy, with his friends' help, faked being kidnapped just so he could use the "trauma" to guilt me into sleeping with him after he "escaped". When he finally left, he yelled that I'm a selfish bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 015

You deserved it 8 683

By Anonymous - 14/11/2016 03:35

Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 129

You deserved it 1 055

By stephscort - 11/05/2013 13:32 - United States - Middletown

Today, I saw my ex husband walking with his very beautiful, very pregnant wife. We divorced 7 months ago because he told me he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 652

You deserved it 5 591

stephscort tells us more.

stephscort 11

Monday 13 May 2013 1:39

I hate to admit this, but since he blocked me on Facebook, I made a fake account to find out and indeed, he is remarried and expecting a child. At first, I was confused and thinking, maybe it was just a friend or someone... then I got furious when I saw their wedding photos on Facebook. FML

By brokenface - 15/09/2015 21:48 - United States - Notre Dame

Today, I finally kicked my awful nail-biting habit. All it took was a fractured jaw. I haven't been able to chew anything for two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 686

You deserved it 2 655

By girly girly - 26/05/2012 14:42 - United States - Keller

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 196

You deserved it 46 994

By lyssuhhhh - 26/09/2010 23:14 - United States

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 632

You deserved it 6 602

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 065

You deserved it 9 166

Scaredy cats

By chrisinator - 11/10/2016 04:21 - United States - Woodside

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 758

You deserved it 1 249

Moodbreaker

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to shower together, and things were getting heated until we actually got into the shower and found my roommate's fingernail clippings all over the place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 547

You deserved it 1 232

By Female - 29/09/2016 03:26 - United States - Montebello

Today, I was excited to finally get an interview after being unemployed since getting out of the military nearly a year ago. Turns out, they weren't even interested in hiring me. They'd just never met a female Marine before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 502

You deserved it 827

By AlicefromIreland - 23/08/2015 17:39 - Ireland

Today, I was at a concert and the performer told everyone to wave their phones in the air. I threw my hand up and then a huge woman caught my iPhone and disappeared into the crowd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 805

You deserved it 7 033

AlicefromIreland tells us more.

AlicefromIreland 16

Monday 24 August 2015 15:23

What happened was when we were told to wave the phones in the air I flung my arm up a bit too fast and my phone flew out of my hand and this "huge woman" (in talking morbidly obese, bundles me out of the way and snatched my phone from the air. I never saw her or the phone again...

By ohseven6421 - 03/09/2010 04:13 - United States

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 105

You deserved it 79 077