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By texasbest - 02/09/2015 02:39 - United States - Lindale

Today, at my new job, I walked into the office to hear my supervisor and HR manager talking about how, "the new guy isn't very smart, but we can get him to do the shit work for a couple weeks." Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 768

You deserved it 2 025

Parent-sanctioned violence

By Momma - 26/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter informed me that, in order to train the dumb out of her brother, she’s gonna slap him whenever he says or does something dumb. She’s slapped him 8 times already and unfortunately, each slap was justified. My boy is dumb as a box of rocks. Hope the slapping helps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 1 133

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 932

You deserved it 350

By Kwalker3 - 06/05/2012 06:39 - United States - Tracy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 454

You deserved it 4 164

I won! I won!

By winnerwinner - 02/05/2012 15:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 021

You deserved it 6 883

Kinda sus

By JPlays - 13/09/2016 03:31 - United States - Henderson

Today, after days of working with a client on plans for a project, I received a message halfway through completion, saying the deal was off because my prices were "so low, it seems like a scam." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 580

You deserved it 970

By Anonymous - 02/09/2019 02:00

Today, I took my dog for a basic spay and dental cleaning procedure. When I picked her up from the vet, I was reading through the surgery papers before they sent me away. They'd pulled 29 abscessed teeth and didn’t feel the need to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 842

You deserved it 297

Rush hour

By lateforwork - 02/09/2019 14:00

Today, whilst heading out the door to go to work, my lanyard got caught on the doorknob inside, and I watched my keys swing back inside as the door closed behind me. It was locked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 257

By kissless - 10/10/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend left for a month-long trip with his buddies. I stood near the door waiting for a goodbye kiss. He kissed his xbox goodbye instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 433

You deserved it 5 894

Soon

By Kilania - 10/09/2019 04:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 031

You deserved it 869

By notthesame - 18/08/2016 04:45 - United States - San Antonio

Today, my overprotective dad bolted all of my windows shut so that I don't turn out like my sister and sneak out or sneak boys in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 750

You deserved it 1 208

Sexy catboys rule my life

By verno02 - 10/08/2010 23:58 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend. He's the kind of guy that likes to keep things interesting. Just as he started climaxing, he began to meow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 158

You deserved it 8 812

Learning curve

By Anonymous - 05/11/2023 21:00

Spicy

Today, I took my new boyfriend's virginity about 10 minutes ago. He kept whispering, "It’s inside you, it’s actually inside you… feels kind of sticky, slippery, it’s actually inside you I can’t believe it.” It was super off-putting and a bit creepy. And no, I definitely did not orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 295

Red Sox Nation

By Anonymous - 25/09/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend called saying that she wanted to break up because she wasn't into me anymore. Yesterday, I paid $400 to take her to a Red Sox game, so I asked her why she even came with me. She said that she had been talking to her ex-boyfriend, and he said he was going to that game too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 900

You deserved it 164

By gfg - 16/03/2009 18:48 - Romania

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex at his house. When we got there, he checked his mail box first and noticed that his Wii game arrived. He sent me home so he can play. FML

I agree, your life sucks 173 878

You deserved it 24 658

Riverdale

By TRAMATIZED - 08/09/2009 22:08 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 293

You deserved it 7 664

By Pelly - 23/06/2016 10:26 - Belgium - Kasterlee

Today, my grandma told everyone I'm using steroids and amphetamines, all because she mistook my protein powder and vitamin pills for drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 943

You deserved it 1 038

By Booooolette - 22/06/2016 04:27 - France - Beauvais

Today, I managed to fracture my shoulder blade and dislocate my shoulder, just by falling off a deckchair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 006

You deserved it 1 285

By sounds good mom - 14/06/2016 15:23 - United States - Katy

Today, my mom took away my car, phone, dog, laptop and college fund because I told her she lets me down sometimes. I'm moving to Arizona for college in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 157

You deserved it 2 581

Stoners of the world unite!

By Andy - 04/04/2020 23:00

Today, I came home to my 60-something year-old father, stoned off his ass, buck naked in our living room, doing a spirited rendition of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" with an Australian accent and a tambourine. The windows were open. The poor neighborhood children will most likely need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 207

Spooky season is nearly here

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 414

You deserved it 5 505

By zamwow - 20/12/2013 23:36 - United States - Ridgefield Park

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 890

You deserved it 8 881

Notice me please

By wut? - 04/05/2020 14:00

Today, my daughter has been locked in her room screaming and sobbing for the past 2 hours. Apparently, I didn’t make a big enough deal of her coming out, so I must not care about her. What I said was I didn’t care if she was gay, and that it wouldn’t change anything. Sorry for being accepting I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 207

You deserved it 241

By joeshmoe - 15/01/2012 12:52 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 377

You deserved it 25 815

By KaylaRox1908 - 10/04/2016 20:12 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my boss praised me for always ranking first at work and how she hopes I keep it up for a long time. I then had to awkwardly hand her my letter of resignation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 977

You deserved it 1 925

HappyItalian tells us more.

HappyItalian 38

Monday 11 April 2016 20:01

When she told me this it was at the end of the work day so I had no other choice but to give it to her at that moment because my shift was over. This job was in retail and this particular store ranks all their employees together from all of their stores across Southern Ontario. I only worked there for a couple of months and it was my first job, so my coworkers grew to take advantage of me or try to stop my sales (yes, they found a way), so that's why I quit. To those of you saying I should've gotten a letter of recommendation: my boss no longer works there and has been replaced by one of those said coworkers! Oh well.

By clashgurl8449 - 17/02/2011 08:08

Today, my boyfriend fed me chocolate chip cookies with laxatives in them because he was concerned I did not poop enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 458

You deserved it 4 273

By Mic - 03/09/2018 21:00 - Philippines - Guevarra

Today, after I mentioned my boyfriend on a cheesy Facebook quote, he told me to check the post. I then saw my old comment with my ex's name in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 2 964

By What did I do wrong? - 04/09/2018 18:30 - United States - Manhattan

Today at university, I saw a girl on crutches struggling to make it up the stairs to the dining center. Feeling sympathetic, I politely offered to help her with her bags, and she declined. By declined, I mean she maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 971

You deserved it 197

By sm@rtie - 03/01/2009 08:38 - France

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 702

You deserved it 8 294

Dude, WTF?

By Anonymous - 18/03/2016 20:57 - United States - Valley Stream

Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 562

You deserved it 1 375

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Today, I got a call from my son's school. He was in the nurse office puking. I picked him up and the dumbass said he'd eaten one of those stupid "WORLD'S HOTTEST SNACK" things and it made him sick. Idiot. No sympathy whatsoever from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 110

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 147

Today, I interviewed for a full scholarship to college. In the interview I said that I was excited about the new dean because I think she’ll be able to really make improvements and bring the school back to where it used to be. After the interview, I learned my interviewer was the former dean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 468

You deserved it 22 729

Today, I invited my girlfriend to come over, telling her I had a surprise. I filled the bathtub and lit a lot of candles to be romantic. She gets here, and we start doing our thing. Until we smell something burning. It was my hair. I now have a bald spot on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 832

You deserved it 29 384

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidentally sent it to my dad and got a text back saying, "You definitely take after your mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 737

You deserved it 65 485

Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 149

You deserved it 1 230