The Top

Hi everyone, I am the OP. I am so glad this got published!! Also, all of these coments are great :) To add more to the story: My sister and I went out to lunch with my dad because he was in town and wanted to see us. He seemed to have changed since he divorced my mom 15 years ago, so we let him drive us home, which is how he knew where our apartment was. Later that night, I heard noises in our apartment, so my badass sister tackled him and pepper-sprayed him as he was trying to pick up our TV. He was aressted (he actually had a knife) and we are getting a restraining order against him.

By blah - 19/01/2016 20:53 - United States - Frisco

Today, I found out my father didn't have a rare brain disease, and that he was just an alcoholic. I've been taking care of him every time his "brain disease" acts up, for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 624

You deserved it 3 530

By FavreFan99 - 01/01/2010 17:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 552

You deserved it 23 658

By JillianJuneBug - 04/02/2017 00:00 - United States - Elmira

Today, I was listening to music on my phone. I activated Siri by mistake, which stopped the music. I told Siri to, "turn the damn music back on." She replied, "Now calling Afton." Afton is my ex. While trying to quickly end the call, my phone froze and the buttons stopped working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 314

You deserved it 1 472

Most good songs are

By Cicie - 27/01/2017 03:06 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I discovered that one of my favourite, relatable sad songs is actually a song about gay sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 677

You deserved it 1 926

Terms of service

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my grandma called me spoiled, materialistic, and Americanized for reminding her that she can flush the toilet after she uses it. The family now has a "three pee, one poo" minimum before we're allowed to flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 669

You deserved it 1 703

By False_Stupidity - 06/12/2015 18:19 - Australia - Hawker

Today, I was using a wooden toothpick to try to get at some food that was firmly lodged between my teeth. The toothpick broke and now I also have a splinter of wood jammed in there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 536

You deserved it 3 099

False_Stupidity tells us more.

False_Stupidity 41

Monday 7 December 2015 22:42

Tried floss but that didn't work. Ended up buying some plastic toothpicks and was able to eventually pry the food and splinter free. I think I'll be using plastic from now on after this experience.

By Is McDonald's Hiring? - 23/04/2019 12:00

Today, I was sternly told that if I didn't pass more students, I would be out of a job. I then went to my class to collect papers, and was stymied by how I could be giving passing grades to the 12 of 24 who didn't turn anything in. College students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 511

You deserved it 184

By thanksforallyoursupportmomanddad - 10/11/2015 20:46 - United States - Arlington

Today, I overheard my parents talking about my husband. Apparently, they think he's a nice guy and all, but they don't really see him as "husband material." They think I would have been better off with my ex, who doesn't have a job and hurt me both physically and mentally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 105

You deserved it 1 661

It's not what you think

By NotABeatenWoman - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Charleston

Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 519

You deserved it 2 440

By Lori - 04/11/2015 18:46 - United States - Littleton

Today, I agreed to go on a date with this really nice guy. Halfway through the date, he started talking about his wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 803

You deserved it 2 003

By Rech - 12/05/2009 11:09 - United States

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 123

You deserved it 62 443

JRech tells us more.

JRech 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 0:06

OP here. It's a FML to me because, I'm not ashamed of being a gamer, I feel that it's just a pretty dorky situation. I totally was caught off guard when the site gave this entry the green light. I just thought it would be funny to share. A bit of background though, #155 is completely right, it's only been like 4 years.

By nerofirst - 19/08/2011 13:40 - Canada

Today, I had to utter the phrase "OK, but no cape during sex" to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 219

You deserved it 6 355

nerofirst tells us more.

nerofirst 0

Friday 19 August 2011 21:22

She wanted to wear lingerie but it came with a cape

By dukemisery - 12/12/2016 09:33 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after being trapped in an elevator for 4 hours, I really had to pee. Just when I decided to pee in the elevator shaft, the lift doors opened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 064

You deserved it 1 175

By Too fast. - 07/12/2016 05:54 - Uruguay - Montevideo

Today, I got told by my classmates to slow down because I put too much pressure on them. I'm taking a class in accounting for the first time in my life, we are all over 25 and so far we are doing basic math. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 238

You deserved it 793

Basted High School

By RoastedbyNature - 21/05/2017 22:00

Today, my high school decided to practice graduation outside for 4 hours instead of inside, as well as serve lunch outside. Now everybody, including myself, is going to be sunburnt in their graduation pictures, because we were told practice was inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 532

You deserved it 412

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 09:01 - Singapore

Today, my teacher called me into his office so he that he could pass me some information for my project. Just as he plugged in my thumbdrive, he opened the folder named "School Work". That was the folder name I used to disguise my porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 198

You deserved it 110 307

Get off your ass

By nepotwatism @ its finest - 23/09/2015 15:05 - Sweden - Halmstad

Today, my boss told me I have to start work 4 hours early tomorrow, because that my coworker, who happens to be his son, will not be coming in because he's "too tired". I work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week without complaining. His son works two 4-hour shifts a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 805

You deserved it 1 836

By ohmygosh - 21/07/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I accidentally asked a one-armed man which arm he wanted me to take blood from. He asked for a different nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 652

You deserved it 48 693

Knackered

By bandeek - 23/10/2016 18:52

Today, my boyfriend and I fell asleep twice during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 116

You deserved it 2 903

By genderless - 17/10/2016 19:34 - South Africa - Pretoria

Today, the person I was seeing asked to be just friends. A few hours later, they tried to talk me into having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 274

You deserved it 1 295

Risk management

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my girlfriend uninvited to me a party because she said her ex would be there, and since she hasn't told him about us, she didn't want him getting upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 681

You deserved it 2 991

Time to move on

By mischalucksux - 19/09/2016 13:54 - United States

Today, I finally have a job I love with amazing people I call family and a fantastic boss. I've been here 8 months, and I'm doing a great job, I feel like I could work here forever! My most recent project? Printing our "Store closing sale" signs for liquidation. We permanently close in 7 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 909

You deserved it 1 091

By KittyKat168 - 09/09/2016 09:34 - Germany

Today, I managed to spill Superglue on the one place you absolutely shouldn't spill Superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 665

You deserved it 2 434

By xxx - 03/09/2017 04:29

Today, at a meeting, I had a heated argument with the only female employee at the office. A little later, I managed to hit her in the face with a door, giving her a bruise. Nobody believes it was an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 689

You deserved it 538

By TheHarvardian - 04/09/2016 05:34 - United States - Boonville

Today, my boss told me that our old manager didn't do my promotion paperwork, so everyone in the department is getting a chance to interview for a job I've been doing for a month. They also expect me to keep doing it at my normal pay rate until they hire someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 074

You deserved it 844

TheHarvardian tells us more.

TheHarvardian 25

Monday 5 September 2016 23:22

Hey guys. I'm the OP. So for everyone saying that I should report this to HR, I would like to, but I can't report it at the local level, since our local HR rep was in the meeting with the manager that announced that he was reopening the interviews. I would imagine that there is someone that I can go to above them, but I am not 100% sure who it is and no one is being particularly forthcoming with information. For the people who think that we should all revolt, as far as I understand, my coworker does want us to go in together on a lawsuit, so that's kind of close.

By spaghett - 29/08/2016 20:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 176

You deserved it 1 835