Work

By h0308 - 08/09/2009 09:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I got to work feeling slightly unwell. A couple of hours later, an extremely attractive customer came to my till, at which point my body decided it would be a good idea to vomit last night's dinner all over myself and the customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 727

You deserved it 4 617

By CMANIA - 07/09/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 044

You deserved it 6 634

By SapphireRaven - 07/09/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 670

You deserved it 2 576

By bubbles - 05/09/2009 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I worked my first day at a nursery. At nap time I spent about an hour trying to get all the kids to calm down and go to sleep. I'd finally got the last one to drop off, when my phone rang. Loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 704

You deserved it 41 115

By Anonymous - 05/09/2009 07:22 - United States

Today, while I was at the beach I decided to go into the ocean even though the waves looked rough. While I was in the water, I got caught by the riptide and needed to be saved. The reason I was at the beach? I'm a lifeguard. Now all my co-workers won't stop laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 128

You deserved it 18 104

Offended

By Anonymous - 04/09/2009 04:31 - Canada

Today, a customer came in who only spoke Spanish. I speak Spanish rather well so I helped the customer. She ended up buying $2300 worth of stuff. I got written up because not speaking English apparently "has the potential be offensive to other customers if they are not able to understand you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 212

You deserved it 3 525

Gas giant

By DrGas - 04/09/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, while giving a lecture about gasses to a large chemistry class, I went outside to let loose an unusually loud fart while they took some notes. I came back in only to see 300 students dying of laughter. I had left the wireless mic on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 404

You deserved it 47 274

Creep alert

By Pop_Pies - 03/09/2009 13:27 - Australia

Today, I had been working at the checkout for over five hours. Slightly tired while serving a customer, my eye accidentally twitched and I gave him a wink. He smiled and winked back. When I finished work two hours later he was outside, waiting for me, and followed me to my car, still smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 121

You deserved it 4 168

By yogabbagabba - 03/09/2009 05:05 - United States

Today, I fell asleep during naptime. I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 212

You deserved it 38 776

By iceman123432 - 02/09/2009 20:07 - United States

Today, when we were at wrestling practice, we had to bend over to stretch. When I bent down, I noticed a car on the street stopped. There was a sixty year old man watching us. He then licked his lips and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 140

You deserved it 4 256

By hoboman - 02/09/2009 15:12 - United States

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 533

You deserved it 6 729

By elevatorjerk - 02/09/2009 13:01 - United States

Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 706

You deserved it 13 970

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:39 - New Zealand

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 572

You deserved it 50 962

By Joel - 02/09/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I found out that my company was throwing a work picnic. When I showed up, I realized that it had been planned months ago and I wasn't supposed to find out. The entire staff was there, greeting me with faces of utter shock. Nothing says "you suck" more than being "that guy" at your job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 167

You deserved it 6 303

By Hairball - 01/09/2009 18:05 - United States

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 469

You deserved it 405 072

By spinner - 01/09/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was at work. I'm a sign spinner. Lots of other employees shares stories of how they have been flashed by 18 year old hot chicks as they drive by. I got flashed by a 45 year old, 300lbs lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 747

You deserved it 5 469

By Timmah - 31/08/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I got written up at work for making a customer feel bad. I made him feel bad by laughing uncontrollably at him when he asked if we sold real light sabers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 281

You deserved it 15 803

By Mack - 31/08/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 626

You deserved it 8 413

Overqualified

By Pissssd - 31/08/2009 01:56 - United States

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that… so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 950

You deserved it 4 089

By staringisrude - 27/08/2009 23:00 - United States

Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 294

You deserved it 64 708

Mean Girls

By 1nfected - 26/08/2009 17:07 - Canada

Today, when I arrived at work, I was greeted by my gorgeous coworker telling me my red shirt looked awesome on me. Before I could compliment her, she added that the color was fitting perfectly with my acne. I heard a couple of giggles around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 443

You deserved it 3 643

Awkward small talk

By mybad - 25/08/2009 13:21 - United States

Today, a customer brought her kids into the store where I work. I like to make people laugh, so being my usual joking self I kidded, "Why aren't those kids in school?" She didn't laugh when she said that their house burned down the night before and the kids had no clothes to wear to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 243

You deserved it 13 300

By Stripperofthemall - 25/08/2009 06:32 - United States

Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 239

You deserved it 2 922

Trashed

By Sailorjoe - 25/08/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I had to take out the trash at work and I kept trying to throw it in the dumpster. After five tries I finally made it in. I was feeling pretty good since the bag was heavy. That was until I turned around and saw about 30 of my coworkers applauding and laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 666

You deserved it 7 294

By introuble - 23/08/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, as I was getting into work, I saw a co-worker of mine walking in front of me. We're really good friends and we joke around a lot, so I jokingly whistled at him and slapped his butt. Turns out it wasn't my friend, it was the new guy. Hello, sexual harassment charges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 216

You deserved it 17 097

I'm pissed

By lifestinks - 23/08/2009 03:29 - United States

Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walked under the newly-fixed pipes, I got soaked with what appeared to be water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement, so they made me work covered in piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 430

You deserved it 2 374

Thanks

By elipses - 22/08/2009 04:43 - Canada

Today, I got a report telling me how I had handled a mystery shopper at work. In this report, I found out that instead of saying, "Thank you" I'd said, "Have a nice day, take care." This kept me from getting a $150 bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 341

You deserved it 3 015

By Anonymous - 21/08/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, everyone in my department got a raise except for me. Last week, I had been the one who asked for a raise for me and my fellow department members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 725

You deserved it 3 412

The Office

By SweetFA - 20/08/2009 00:01 - Canada

Today, I brought my little sons into work with me. I introduced them to my boss, who said to my shy kids, "You boys don't know me, do you? I'm Janice." The older one lit up and said, "Oh, I know you, mommy complains about you all the time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 574

You deserved it 17 183

Frozen

By ohno. - 19/08/2009 08:44 - Canada

Today, while washing the dishes at work I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 498

You deserved it 5 713

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Parenting Kids Swimming pool Health Awkward Poopoo peepee Love Miscellaneous Money Scams Medication Family Embarrassing Cars Work Healthy Lifestyle Confused My ex Parents Vacation Sex Depression Anxiety Mental health Clothes Alcohol Ironic Birthday Weddings Transportation

The Top

Today, as I was trying to have some “self pleasure” time, my cat, WHO NEVER CUDDLES WITH ME, decides to come up and sit on my thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 421

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to drink several shots of vodka after taking a pill that makes you sick when you drink. She puked all night and then blamed me for making her sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 165

Today, I got a new comfy duvet and pillow and was looking forward to a good night's sleep. I got into bed and was followed by my dog, who then threw up the tub of butter he had just stolen from the kitchen onto my brand new bed spread. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 809

You deserved it 5 278

Today, I finally handed my girlfriend a portrait of her. I'm not the best drawer, but I spent weeks on it and I thought it turned out pretty good. When she looked at it, she asked what kind of dog was it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 870

You deserved it 5 544

Today my life revolves around nutrition mixes, feeding times, blankets, tooth problems, and the eternal question of what caused the diarrhea. Infants, right? Well no, actually: Very, very old horses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 763

You deserved it 230

Today, I found out that the vacation my mom has been planning to "repair our relationship" was just an opportunity to change her Facebook profile picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 581

You deserved it 2 739