Work

By wtf_fml_0609 - 01/11/2010 16:43 - United States

Today, I have a huge meeting with the big executives of the company I work at. I have to be there in 10 minutes. I'm stuck on the toilet with the runs because I thought it would be a good idea to eat hot chicken wings last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 582

You deserved it 26 122

By Disappointed - 31/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 504

You deserved it 9 829

By mortified - 30/10/2010 04:12 - Canada

Today, at work, I was caught picking my nose, on camera, in an elevator. The security guard stopped me on my way out of the building to tell me how funny it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 613

You deserved it 30 981

By lucki - 27/10/2010 06:50 - Canada

Today, at work, there is a rumor going around that I'm gay. Somewhat curious at how did this start, I asked a co-worker. He said I was seen 3 days ago at a mall holding hands with someone who looks like a guy from behind. Three days ago, I was at the mall with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 471

You deserved it 3 898

luckiXiii tells us more.

luckiXiii 4

Friday 29 October 2010 4:34

OP here, going to try and clarify all misunderstanding. #1: i'm a 100% heterosexual male! #2: my girlfriend is pretty and i love her for all she's worth. #3: i'm well known in my circle of friends and their families, so they can tell it's me even from behind. #4: the reason why my girlfriend was mistaken for a guy, was probably because she had short hair, and she was wearing my baggy jacket which i let her borrow because she was cold that day. And I took some of the advice from people here and brought her to work! Showed those people a thing or two! Haha!

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 05:58 - United States

Today, I spent all day handing out flyers advertising my services as a psychic. I got only one call. The caller wanted to inform me that I had misspelt the word "psychic" on my flyer. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 795

You deserved it 42 651

By robthebuilder - 26/10/2010 06:35 - Canada

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 838

You deserved it 2 470

By pocahontas - 26/10/2010 01:47 - United States

Today, one of my coworkers called to remind me about the annual costume day at work this morning. I dressed as Pocahontas. There is no annual costume day. I was fired for dressing inappropriately in front of customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 625

You deserved it 6 954

By Anonymous - 26/10/2010 00:22 - United States

Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 669

You deserved it 2 387

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 029

You deserved it 37 701

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 13:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I was selling personalised stockings at work. When handing a customer's order over to her, which had no name on, I joked, "Oooh this is a bit mysterious". She replied, "Actually, it's in memory of the baby I miscarried earlier this year." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 078

You deserved it 10 022

All sexed up

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 296

You deserved it 48 368

By level6 - 23/10/2010 22:11 - United States

Today, after constantly checking my email for a week, I finally got a letter saying that I was accepted to take a test for a job position. The only problem is I was scheduled to test today, eight hours ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 400

You deserved it 3 480

By Dude - 23/10/2010 15:13 - Singapore

Today, I found out that the reason I'm working as a kitchen staff instead of out on the floor of the café is because the boss does not think I'm attractive enough. My boss is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 682

You deserved it 4 165

By qhu - 23/10/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, I was disciplining one of my students for behavior, and he started to roll his eyes every time I was trying to teach the lesson. So I threatened to write him up. After looking closely at the student, I realized he has a lazy roaming eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 021

You deserved it 37 280

By soapypete - 22/10/2010 13:26 - United States

Today, before a big client pitch I went into their office bathroom to quickly slick down my hair. It had two identical automatic faucets, one for water and one for hand soap. Now my hair is full of soap, and smells like industrial strength lavender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 232

You deserved it 30 993

By Anonymous - 22/10/2010 04:00 - United States

Today, I was going to my first job interview since I was laid off. About 10 yards from the door, I felt a sharp pain in my side and something in my pocket. It turned out to be a knife in my side, and a mugger robbing me because I looked rich. I haven't had any money in months, and missed the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 975

You deserved it 2 895

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 16:56 - Canada

Today, my boss walked up and smacked my butt. I am a 19 year-old guy. My boss is a 50 year-old woman. I desperately need this job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 333

You deserved it 3 792

I'm not getting paid enough for this shit

By Username - 20/10/2010 18:08 - France

Today, at work, my boss made me spend a hour trying to catch a baby raccoon in the parking lot. I'm a bank teller. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 674

You deserved it 3 499

Stress test

By anonymous - 20/10/2010 06:38 - New Zealand

Today, I got so nervous that I actually peed my pants during a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 627

You deserved it 13 393

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:37 - Australia

Today, I discovered the top I'm wearing becomes completely see-through when it rains. I just got caught in a storm on my lunch break, and still have 3 hours of work to go in my male dominated office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 575

You deserved it 8 726

By haayloo - 19/10/2010 02:40 - Canada

Today, I had just finished re-completing all my assignments because I had lost my USB last week. I reached into my pocket for gum, instead I found the USB that I had apparently lost. I spent my weekend alone rather than spending time with my friends. I don't have another weekend off for a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 299

You deserved it 29 223

By sofakingweetodit - 18/10/2010 12:44 - United States

Today, in preparation for a presentation at work, I decided to take a handful of vitamins to fight my cold. As I was putting the bottles away, I noticed one of them was a laxative. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 796

You deserved it 35 362

By ktwithaq - 18/10/2010 11:27 - United States

Today, I got a promotion. I was really excited until I realized that the only friend I had to celebrate with was my pet cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 810

You deserved it 5 374

Hello?

By andibartle - 18/10/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, at my new job, I was answering the phone and said "Hello Cafe Thirty, how may I help you?" The man on the other line said "Don't you mean Old Town Cafe?" Cafe Thirty was my old job. I now work at Old Town Cafe. The man on the other line was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 063

You deserved it 28 469

By hannahj88 - 16/10/2010 04:41 - Australia

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 309

You deserved it 3 307

By ziatenaj - 15/10/2010 10:52 - United States

Today, at work, I was trying to repeat an order back to this guy, when his drunk girlfriend started to interrupt me. Whenever I would open my mouth, she would say "Blah blah blah." Literally. Eventually, I gave up. I got his order wrong, and got yelled at by my manager for not repeating his order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 272

You deserved it 2 964

Brain fart, episode 23

By edodge - 15/10/2010 03:03 - United States

Today, at work, my boss and I went upstairs to storage. We got in the elevator, I pressed the second floor button, and it didn't move so I repeatedly pressed the button. It wasn't until the fifth press that I realized we were already on the second floor. She thought I was an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 797

You deserved it 28 890

By Username - 14/10/2010 19:02 - France

Today, I was called up about a job I'd recently applied for. I was overly excited to tell them I'd be there on Monday. Then I remembered I canceled my car insurance due to financial difficulties. I have no way of getting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 444

You deserved it 8 405

Book him!

By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 13:42 - Reserved

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 780

You deserved it 3 519

By Anonymous - 14/10/2010 08:19 - United States

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 101

You deserved it 3 771

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Family Embarrassing Kids Cars Parenting Healthy Lifestyle Work Awkward Love Confused My ex Parents Vacation Money Sex Health Anxiety Depression Mental health Clothes Alcohol Poopoo peepee Ironic Weddings Birthday Transportation Bodyshaming Divorce NSFW

The Top

Today, a guy at work was ranking the girls we work with in the order he'd want to date them. He told me I was 6th "because personality is important, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 111

You deserved it 5 442

Today, I babysat a five year-old girl. She ran up to me, threw her arms around my waist and said, "YUMMY! I'm going to eat you!" with her face in my crotch. I said sarcastically under my breath, "Finally, some action!" I turned around to find her dad staring at me, having heard. He's my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 317

You deserved it 93 043

Today, my boss bitched me out for doing some random web browsing while waiting for some documents I needed to arrive, then went back to his desk and went on Facebook, thinking I couldn't see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 856

You deserved it 5 475

Today, all of my credit cards were frozen due to fraud. The culprit? My own mother. She rationalized it by saying I "owed" her for raising me. She didn’t even raise me. My grandma did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 132

Today, I found out my family's Thanksgiving was canceled. Why? Because my mom doesn't want to cheat on her diet, so we aren't having it at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 156

Today, my boyfriend texted me, saying, "I'm running a bath. Wanna come over and learn about water displacement?" I excitedly drove over, thinking he wanted to have some fun. No, he really did want to teach me about water displacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 024

You deserved it 6 979