Relatable

Life goals

By BlackRose - 07/08/2021 18:01

Today, I realized I’d rather be the crazy cat lady rather than get married and have kids like a normal human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 324

Whistleblower

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I discovered two senior doctors made misdiagnoses by ignoring protocols. When I confronted them, they denied it. My director told me not to turn them in, and I'm not financially stable enough to quit. The state licensing board only takes complaints from patients. I'm so sorry, I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 145

You deserved it 97

Sensitive

By itsevenworse - 07/08/2021 00:01 - France

Today, my wife is giving me the silent treatment and has locked herself in the bedroom, all because I politely asked her to put the dishcloth away when she was done with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 161

Healthy relationship goals

By leapfrog998 - 05/08/2021 14:01 - Canada - Bancroft

Today, my husband told me to stop being friends with my best guy friend because I won't let him hang out with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 992

Can't win

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 02:00 - Australia

Today, I got yelled at for staying in my room too long; got yelled at for going out of my room; got yelled at for staying at a friend's place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 110

Wage slaves unite

By Wtf do I do - 03/08/2021 10:00

Today, I learned that I’m being forced to go back to a position I do not want, or find a new job. I’ve been with the company for 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 69

How to invite someone without actually inviting them

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 07:59 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, my parents asked me if I was sure I didn't want to join them on a family trip tomorrow with my sister. I was never invited, and unlike the rest of the family, I have a full-time job where I can't just take days off with no warning. This is how they announce most "family trips" to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 72

On the leash

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 01:59

Today, it hit me hard that the girl I love is not still not interested after a year. She's now ghosting me, and she hangs out with my friends daily. She constantly talks about dating in front of me and only text/calls me when I post shorts/stories hanging out with other girls, just to pull me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 829

You deserved it 819

Dog people

By peta eata - 02/08/2021 13:01 - United States

Today, a crazed woman started screaming at me at the dog park. She was saying that I was cruel and unfit to be a pet owner, and she ought to kick my ass. My dog's ears and tail were cropped before I even got him. He’s a rescue and came to me like this. She wouldn’t listen and followed me to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 95

Shifting

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 14:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, my mom is trying to be quiet, thinking me asleep. This means she will whisper to the dogs in the upstairs hallway, then quietly go downstairs where she will bang the doors so hard that the house shakes. Apparently, she thinks each floor is in its own separate dimension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 121

Heatwave

By Anonymous - 02/08/2021 06:01 - Germany - Ebersbach

Today, it appears I’m allergic. My stomach inflates like a soccer ball and produces terrible gas, and I really don’t feel so good in general. What am I allergic to? Summertime. Every year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 93

That's their goal

By your_uglyness - 01/08/2021 05:59

Today, I’m so ugly, I had to pay for more likes on Tinder because I ran out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 370

First time?

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 23:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my long-term boyfriend and I went on a romantic getaway. In the hotel we were having great sex, I was so close to… and then he farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 322

Helicopter

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, my mother scolded me for having a lighter in my room. My reason I had it? The candle that she bought me for my 25th birthday. I don't even live with her anymore, she showed up uninvited, and started going through my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 145

Quickfire round

By Driri - 31/07/2021 08:00

Today, I had a panel job interview with 3 people. My nerves got the best of me, especially when they asked me about my weaknesses. I gave them an answer, but they kept bombarding me with additional follow-up questions that I couldn’t think of the answers to. It got so bad, I was reduced to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 191

Eventful day

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 23:01 - Bahrain - Manama

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight after the gym. Then, a cheesecake I'd baked for a client cracked all the way through. Then, my oven broke as I was trying to make a new one, so I left to bake it at a friend's house, at which point I locked my keys and all of my supplies inside my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 143

Catch me!

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 00:01

Today, like every month, I have to play hide and seek. Every month? Yeah. My cervix somehow moves around inside me, and if I want to bleed into my menstrual cup and not around it, I have to find and catch my cervix first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 173

Workers rise up!

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 08:01 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I found out that, despite working 4 part-time jobs, that I will not qualify for maternity leave by my due date with the mandatory 600 hours. I can't get full-time work and I'm 8 months pregnant now. This'll be fun! FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 200

The internet hates you

By Anonymous - 28/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had to cancel my vacation in Norway, which I had been planning for 2 months and had cried and stressed over all that time because this was the first vacation I'd ever planned myself. Now YouTube won't stop showing me ads about visiting Norway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 208

The friendzone doesn't exist

By AloneAtPerkins - 28/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got friendzoned by my coworker. He'll constantly remind me that he's there for me if I ever need anything or someone to talk to, he's sexy as hell, and he pulls me in for close hugs. This is gonna be a long-ass summer. Oh, did I mention it's a communal living situation in the middle of the mountains? FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 381

Another great day to be alive

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 21:59 - Germany

Today, I didn’t get much done because I woke up late and therefore didn’t have much time. No wait, that was yesterday. Today I didn’t get much done because I woke up EARLY and was miserably tired and good for nothing all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 427

Attraction

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 11:01

Today, I realized I'm extremely sexually attracted to my physical therapist. It doesn't help that treatment involves me spending the entire appointment naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 167

Burning down the house

By Anonymous - 25/07/2021 18:01 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I got some ingredients ready for a stew in the slow cooker, planning to turn it on when I left for work. Well, my dumb, un-caffeinated ass turned it on, but put it on high instead of low. For 13 hours. It was completely charcoal by the time I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 326

Holy smokes

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 18:01

Today, I’m down to my last, partially snapped cigarette. I carefully taped it back together, enough for at least half a smoke. I then snapped it completely while opening the door to go outside and smoke it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 1 240

Inexplicable

By omnomnom - 24/07/2021 06:01

Today, my son asked me if a video of a flame on a computer actually gives off heat like a fireplace. He was serious. He's 17 and inexplicably has straight A's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 914

You deserved it 153

Cathartic

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 15:59

Today, I was bored and horny. I figured, what the hell, and downloaded an adult visual novel. Five hours later, I was heartbroken and couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 384

Nice sheen

By Vicki - 23/07/2021 14:03 - Canada

Today, I accidentally used wood stain instead of hairspray. Surprisingly, it doesn't come out that easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 800

Intro

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 04:01 - United States

Today, I previewed the website my twin brother created and emailed to all our wedding guests. Under his bridal party introduction, he had written, "Mike and Steve first met when they were high-fiving their way out of their mother's vagina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 210

My husband the shitgibbon

By NotYetThanks - 23/07/2021 00:01

Today, three weeks after a traumatic emergency cesarean section, my husband keeps sulking because sex is the literal last thing I want right now. The fact that my body is still sore and healing is apparently irrelevant when he is horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 018

You deserved it 199

Whatever works

By dumblonde78 - 17/07/2021 14:01

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 311

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went on a hike. About two miles into the five mile trail, my stomach started to bubble and I realized there were no bathrooms nearby. My only options were to literally shit my pants or shit in a bush. Well, I shit in the bush and had no tissue to wipe. I hate having stomach issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 771

You deserved it 156

Today, it was my first day of work at my new job. I got dressed and arrived early, only to find out that the store had closed due to a power outage. Then I found out that the person who'd hired me had totally forgotten about hiring me anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 963

You deserved it 129

Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 356

You deserved it 3 343

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 886

You deserved it 5 502

Today, and like every other day this year, my wife’s best friend thinks it’s funny to make comments that she thinks I’ll murder my wife, and that she should leave me ASAP. The best friend is in her 30s and has never had a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 106

Today, I was on a plane in the aisle seat; the guy in the middle was encroaching on my space, and the window seat was not taken. The stewardess noticed my discomfort and suggested the guy move so we both had space. He had bought both seats and "liked sitting in the middle." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 334

You deserved it 2 444