Love

By 800z - 16/08/2011 06:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 529

You deserved it 4 628

Mixed signals

By Leota - 15/08/2011 16:20 - United States

Today, I received a message on Facebook from a guy I've liked for a year. He asked me if I wanted to hang out, so I said yes. When I walked out to his car later on, he gave me a really confused look. Apparently I was on my brother's Facebook, and he'd never logged out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 244

You deserved it 13 074

By single lady - 15/08/2011 14:45 - United States

Today, at my aunt's wedding, the time for the tossing of the bouquet came and the announcer asked for all the single ladies to gather behind the bride. I was the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 381

You deserved it 3 732

Congratulations!

By Alex - 15/08/2011 04:16 - New Zealand

Today, it was my engagement party. All was going fabulously, until my fiancé's dad decided to give us a toast, and completely forgot my name in front of all my family and friends. I've been with his son for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 092

You deserved it 3 135

By MC - 15/08/2011 02:51 - Canada

Today, I was so drunk that I gave my mom's number instead of mine to the really cute guy I met at the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 527

You deserved it 39 641

By Anonymous - 14/08/2011 20:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my religious parents were hosting a family dinner. Not only did we have to wait over an hour for my grandma to finally show up, but when she did, she had her 30 year old boytoy in tow. Apparently, "Granny has needs too you know, hahaha!" Goodbye peaceful family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 344

You deserved it 3 276

By Username - 13/08/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 676

You deserved it 5 535

By badass - 13/08/2011 07:25 - United States

Today, I started to fall in love with my wife again. We are in the middle of a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 435

You deserved it 18 381

By bTOhno - 13/08/2011 06:37 - United States

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 092

You deserved it 4 737

By sydneybourgeois - 13/08/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 540

You deserved it 16 160

By Anonymous - 12/08/2011 23:15 - France

Today, I decided to prank my boyfriend by putting a pair of panties in his coat pocket. I stormed in and confronted him with the "evidence". I guess the prank worked; he broke down and confessed to cheating on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 480

You deserved it 44 755

By Matt - 12/08/2011 00:46 - United States

Today, I informed my family of my plans to divorce my wife after catching her cheating on me twice. They bitched me out because I will not be able to survive financially or emotionally without her support. I'm a doctor. She's been unemployed for 2 straight years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 108

You deserved it 2 699

Your fault!

By Anonymous - 11/08/2011 06:04 - Canada

Today, I informed my parents that my husband and I are separating after much deliberation. We came to this conclusion relatively peacefully. According to my parents, I'm now Satan, and will end up on the streets as a crack whore if we don't change our minds and stay together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 586

You deserved it 4 142

By 6u174r_d00d - 10/08/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 068

You deserved it 6 145

By Username - 10/08/2011 12:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend leaned over and sniffed me like a dog. He does this almost every day, even in front of people sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 569

You deserved it 7 171

By Potential Bridezilla - 10/08/2011 07:18 - United Arab Emirates

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 347

You deserved it 2 604

By MrOh - 09/08/2011 17:29 - Canada

Today, my wife didn't say a word to me because her horoscope told her not to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 685

You deserved it 4 526

What a cad!

By the2girls - 09/08/2011 16:08 - Canada

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 299

You deserved it 5 236

Give it back

By aliixmaee - 09/08/2011 14:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 068

You deserved it 6 401

Heated debate

By Username - 07/08/2011 21:44 - United States

Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 070

You deserved it 16 490

Make your mind up

By FML! - 07/08/2011 00:27 - Canada

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 779

You deserved it 6 601

By pimples - 06/08/2011 13:08 - Australia

Today, I was going to kiss my girlfriend for the first time. As I leaned in, closed my eyes, and was about to kiss her, she pushed me away and said, "Not with that pimple on your chin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 503

You deserved it 6 672

guitar_god7007 tells us more.

guitar_god7007 3

Sunday 7 August 2011 14:15

Wow. It actually got through. Thanks people. Now everyone can laugh at my unfortunate existence. For those of you wondering, it was our first date, I had arranged it by phone, that's why I hadn't kissed her yet. And my pimples grow really big, really quickly...

By ashlyn - 06/08/2011 05:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to pick up some of my clothes from my boyfriend's apartment. While searching under his bed he pulled out a tank top and bra and asked if they were mine. They weren't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 569

You deserved it 3 162

By meach - 06/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 915

You deserved it 4 196

By Anon - 04/08/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 071

You deserved it 4 129

By Anonymous - 03/08/2011 17:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 111

You deserved it 42 186

Goodbye

By thedancer5 - 03/08/2011 16:47 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 883

You deserved it 3 392

By Cow_girl_cutie - 03/08/2011 07:47 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. He continued to tell me how he had to piss. We carried on this conversation for about 10 minutes, then I realized that was the most interesting conversation I have had with him in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 373

You deserved it 6 258

By Tim - 03/08/2011 07:40 - United States

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 917

You deserved it 6 164

By Michelle - 03/08/2011 06:01 - United States

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him, "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 178

You deserved it 3 429

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Today, I put on a new outfit, took a bunch of selfies, and posted the best one to Instagram. Ten minutes later, my grandma commented, “You look tired. Are you eating enough?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 199

Today, at our wedding reception, my new husband kept telling his buddies how he’s gonna “fuck my brains off” on our honeymoon and give me the best wedding gift ever - a pearl necklace on my chest. They all roared with laughter. He doesn’t understand why I’m upset and refusing to consummate our marriage right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 517

You deserved it 282

Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 261

Today, I got an email from my ex after he ghosted me for 5 months with no specific cause. He told me he had been seeing someone else for 3 of the months he had ghosted me for. He ended up changing his number and everything. What a lovely way to spend your birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 64

So much to do, so little desire...

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 110

Today, I’m convinced my son has some sort of radar. Literally every time my partner and I try to have sex, he wakes up and interrupts us. At first I thought it was a coincidence, but the fact that it’s happened at 12am, 12pm, 6am and 3pm tells me otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 242