Intimacy

There's nothing wrong with going to a senior graduation to figure out who just turned 18!! lol, Nah. seriously, a few girls and I were working on an assignment, and them, being 20, only wanted to discuss fornication. So I told a few stories, and when jaws dropped, I went back to work on the paper we're writing. (I'm female btw).

Furby freakout

By furbys69 - 31/05/2017 09:00 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get frisky when the Furby Party Rocker all the way across the room started going off on its own and completely killed the mood. I took the batteries out of the little bastard immediately, but the mood was lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 938

You deserved it 829

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally alone and things were starting to get intimate. I was on top of him trying to be sexy, when in my excitement I giggled and called him a "silly girl" by accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 885

You deserved it 1 815

By Anonymous - 28/05/2017 12:00

Today, the first thing my fiancé did when he walked in the door was to loudly announce all the hot kinky stuff he was about to do to me on the kitchen table. Unfortunately for him my dad, mother and both my brothers had just dropped in for a visit and heard every word he said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 016

You deserved it 829

DELETE! DELETE!

By mako - 26/05/2017 02:00

Today, I sent my mom a link to a news article via Facebook. Immediately after sending, however, I noticed I had forgotten to copy the news article's link, and what I had sent instead was the last thing I had copied and pasted: a porn link. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 880

You deserved it 6 608

Rumour has it

By ShanghaiSam - 17/05/2017 04:00 - China - Shanghai

Today, I found out half of the staff at work have been spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my boss. The other half are spreading rumours I'm sleeping with my subordinate. In reality, every night I go home to an apartment so empty that I don't even have condiments, to sleep alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 234

You deserved it 393

By AVeryConfusedGuy - 11/05/2017 22:00

Today, I was having sex with a girl and she passed out about a minute in. I panicked and thought she'd died so I tried to feel for a heartbeat. She woke up 45 seconds later and accused me of fondling her breasts while she was out. Apparently she has narcolepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 835

You deserved it 624

By zemmiphobia - 11/05/2017 09:37 - United States - Mountain View

Today, my sister admitted to having sex with her current boyfriend. On my bed. Again. I even have a spare bed in my room and yet they still go for mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 560

You deserved it 761

zemmiphopia tells us more.

zemmiphopia 4

Friday 12 May 2017 3:17

Woah okay was not expecting this to get published. I'm OP. Okay so first off my sister and I are really close and always have been so she's been forgiven and we can joke about it now. And secondly, we were both pretty amused by the suggestions of ways to get her back, I think my favorite is "punch her in the head". And I would totally buy a lock if I could, by the way.

By Nessa - 10/05/2017 15:00 - United States - Pomona

Today, my mom got out a camcorder she's had a while, saying that there were tapes of me from when I was a child. The first tape I put in was a porno starring her and her ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 733

You deserved it 562

Man City

By EpicBunBun - 10/05/2017 18:00

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, I thought he went to change the music on his phone. He'd actually stopped mid-action just to check sports scores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 302

You deserved it 727

By GoldenTornado11 - 10/05/2017 14:00

Today, I walked in on my parents having sex. In my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 219

You deserved it 571

By Ackno - 06/05/2017 16:00

Today, I was having sex with my husband when the pores on his forehead triggered my trypophobia. We had to stop before I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 116

You deserved it 1 783

By Anonymous - 06/05/2017 02:20

Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 985

You deserved it 468

By TinderStartsFires - 04/05/2017 16:49

Today, I went to the home of a guy I was talking to on Tinder to hook up. His wife answered the door and invited me in. She wanted to watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 525

You deserved it 2 944

ThePhantomFuta tells us more.

ThePhantomFuta 3

Tuesday 2 May 2017 12:01

Hiya Guys n' Gals, OP here! First up, we'd already met before, gone on a couple of dates etc, but this was never exactly a romantic thing. Second, I said "Hell no!" (seriously!), yelled at them both for a bit, then left. Third, while many people may be into sleeping with married people, threesomes, etc, I'm not, because it gets too complicated (the whole point of this was to AVOID complications). So yeah, little rant over.

By Anonymous - 26/04/2017 04:00

Today, after not showering with my boyfriend in 3 months, he called me in to the bathroom and asked me to shower with him. After getting excited and ripping my clothes off, I get in and he asks me to wash his hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 733

You deserved it 899