Health

By milliepede - 27/05/2016 16:03

Today, due to a new tattoo, I can't wear a bra for the next few days. My coworker knows about it and thought it would be funny to blast the air-con all day. I swear I could have used my nipples to type this, instead of my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 065

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milliepede tells us more.

milliepede 14

Tuesday 31 May 2016 18:01

Hi guys! OP here, I know it's a bit late, but here's some more detail. The tattoo I got was an under boob piece, so it's highest point reaches mid cleavage, lowest point in about an inch above my belly button, and it is the width of my entire torso. I had a vest top on underneath my work blouse, and a heavier work blouse on than I would normally wear to combat any nip attacks during the day, I just wasn't expecting to be sat under an air conditioning unit for 9 hours! I'm not allowed to wear a hoody at work due to my office's employee dress code, and as I heal in a few days normally (this is my 10th tattoo) I didn't think I'd need to buy any nipple covers for one day of work! My colleague didn't mean any harm by it, and actually apologized once he read some of these comments! so thanks guys :)

By chazzywazzy654 - 27/05/2016 13:20 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today, I woke up with intense pain and bruising. It turned out I'd suffered such a rare kind of wrist bone dislocation that the doctors aren't sure how to fix it. FML

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chazzywazzy654 tells us more.

chazzywazzy654 22

Saturday 28 May 2016 16:20

Can't believe this got posted! The consultant dr(who's above the dr who said it was dislocated) reckons that it might not be dislocated, that my wrist is just deformed. Had a massive bruise, I still have it, got a follow up appointment next week, I'll find out more then hopefully

Baller

By Anonymous - 27/05/2016 04:07 - United States - Taylors

Today, I was playing basketball in the searing heat with my friends. I jokingly told my friend that I was gonna die if I stayed out there much longer. Two minutes later, I got the ball and made the shot that won. Too bad I didn't see it, since I collapsed right as I took the shot and blacked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 115

You deserved it 1 424

By anonymous - 26/05/2016 00:34 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I went to a trampoline park and jumped into an adult-area foam pit that apparently used to be for children. I guess it never occurred to them to change the depth of it, as I now have a fractured ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 214

You deserved it 1 397

By teflon_hammer - 25/05/2016 23:19 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 937

You deserved it 1 209

By Tmth - 25/05/2016 22:24

Today, I'm on crutches due to hip surgery. I went to the fridge to grab a bite to eat, but quickly realized if I wanted anything, I would have to eat there. I can't carry anything. Cold leftovers here we go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 381

You deserved it 897

By FastTurtle9 - 24/05/2016 20:10 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I've tried literally every possible brand of antiperspirant deodorant available to me in my area. I went to the bathroom to discover I'd pitted out my favorite shirt. It's mild weather, I have done nothing active, and I'm not stressed. My body just loves to make me sweat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 705

You deserved it 1 346

By why?? - 24/05/2016 13:29 - United States

Today, I think I've finally gotten past the food poisoning that caused me to puke so violently that I pulled muscles in my abdomen and chest. Unfortunately, some of that vomit hung around long enough to give me a sinus infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 606

You deserved it 1 376

By anonymous - 24/05/2016 03:41 - United States - Manchester

Today, I got put in a speech impediment class because apparently I have a lisp. No, my tongue is just swollen, and I can't talk very well because of it. I've talked normally for the past 17 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 235

You deserved it 765

By a faint recollection - 23/05/2016 01:57 - United States - Goshen

Today, while at a trampoline park, my time of the month and my out-of-shape body worked together to make me almost pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 064

You deserved it 2 034

By chronic masticator - 21/05/2016 11:51 - United States

Today, after I skipped dessert for the third day in a row, my mom cornered me and accused me of being anorexic. I'm actually not far off being clinically obese and I'm just trying to diet, but nothing I say will convince her. She wants me to see a psychiatrist about a disorder I don't even have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 617

You deserved it 839

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 11:29 - United States - Westwood

Today, as I was getting x-rays of my arm, I heard one technician ask another, "Are you sure those are hers?" At 17, I have weaker bones than my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 023

You deserved it 1 092

Don't take medical advice from teachers

By pain - 20/05/2016 04:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a splinter in my shop class. The teacher dug at it with tweezers for a while, then told me that my best bet would be to wait until the wound got infected and formed a bunch of pus around the splinter to force it out. It's in my dominant hand's palm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 931

You deserved it 1 119

By bruised - 19/05/2016 20:54 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while playing hockey, one of my teammates decided to swing her hockey stick like a golf club. She missed the ball, but managed to hit me right in the vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 334

You deserved it 1 246

By CarouselHeart - 18/05/2016 20:09 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I got a letter stating that now that I'm in my mid-twenties, I need to start getting cervical exams. The only people interested in getting anywhere near my vagina are doctors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 419

You deserved it 1 309

By Anonymous - 15/05/2016 14:03 - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 918

You deserved it 1 966

By evenmybodyhatesme - 15/05/2016 06:47 - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending a day in the ER and a day in hospital, I was recovering from emergency surgery. My boyfriend left to eat and didn't come back. He texted me 4 hours later that he was drinking with his friends and that he loved his "brown eyed girl". My eyes aren't brown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 513

You deserved it 1 265

By MissAnonymous93 - 14/05/2016 15:32 - South Africa

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 394

You deserved it 762

By aggghghgh - 14/05/2016 08:51

Today, I found out my whole family has been mistakenly using the same toothbrush for over a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 557

You deserved it 2 125

Sad but true

By mcginnismr - 13/05/2016 22:57

Today, I went to the doctor's office, where my mother happens to work. When my doctor tried to prank her by saying I have chlamydia, my mother laughed and said she didn't believe it, adding, "Have you even seen the way she interacts with boys?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 296

You deserved it 1 382

By edgyasfuck23 - 13/05/2016 17:09 - United States - Blairsville

Today, I was hiking with my uncle. We were going down a slope, and I kept slipping. He jokingly pushed me just as we approached a big drop. I ended up with three fractured ribs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 637

You deserved it 1 010

Noooooooo!

By anon mom - 12/05/2016 00:06 - United States - Manassas

Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 505

You deserved it 1 031

By Erin - 10/05/2016 02:18 - United States - Springfield

Today, I fell in the shower, landing ass-crack first onto a can of shaving cream, which split my butt straight down the crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 486

You deserved it 1 289

No pain, no gain

By Anonymous - 09/05/2016 20:44 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I've been using a clay pad to warm up my stiff neck muscles. I put it in the microwave as instructed on the box, just as I've been doing for weeks. This time, the bag exploded, splattering sticky clay. Now my neck is even more sore from reaching inside to clean the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 170

You deserved it 1 009

Burn

By Swedishsummer - 08/05/2016 21:54 - Sweden - Floda

Today, we finally got some signs of summer in Sweden and I went to hang out in the sun with some friends. I was wearing sunglasses so I only put sunscreen on my nose and forehead. I now have a dick-shaped area in my face where I didn't completely burn my face off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 352

You deserved it 5 568

By hungry hungry harvey - 08/05/2016 16:56 - United States

Today, my wife is so determined to keep me on my diet that, as I'm off work for the next week, she has gotten rid of all the food in the house. She has also taken the phones and iPads so I can't order a takeaway, and taken all my trousers so I can't walk to the shops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 655

You deserved it 2 551

By 1942Ford - 07/05/2016 14:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I'm getting a medical scan, so I had to drink a barium shake for breakfast. It was so disgusting that I puked it back up. Now I have to drink another one. FML

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1942Ford 11

Sunday 8 May 2016 20:15

OP here - can't believe this got published! I kept the second nasty shake down and survived the scan, only to have cramps and diarrhea the whole rest of the day. I really know how to party on a Saturday, don't I? They did the scan because I've been having abdominal pain. Should have the results next week, hope it turns out to be nothing!

By Anonymous - 06/05/2016 18:02 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I found out how it feels when someone slips and falls while they have a hypodermic needle in your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 379

You deserved it 2 148