Drunk

So, this is my mom…

By Emily - 03/07/2010 18:57 - Australia

Today, after spending a great evening with the guy I really like, he dropped me off outside my house. When he pulled into my driveway, his lights shone onto my drunken mum taking the garbage out in nothing but her black panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 342

You deserved it 3 162

Party hard

By Jason the flasher - 15/09/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a party that my friends were throwing. I had a great time and got blackout drunk. I woke up to videos from my girlfriend from last night. At some point I'd managed to take off my shorts and boxers and spent the rest of the party naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 3 297

Drunken antics

By eddie818 - 10/06/2012 07:54 - Canada - Sidney

Today, I drove my drunk sister home after a wild night of partying. She did not go to bed as I expected; instead, she laid in the bathtub and cried every time I left her. Now it's 3AM, and she's using her bra as a lasso for various objects in the room. The best part is I work in 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 300

You deserved it 3 263

Out of it

By Anonymous - 18/09/2025 22:00

Today, I woke up in jail. Apparently I incorrectly recited the alphabet, complete with singing “Now I know my ABC’s, won’t you come and play with me…” during a sobriety test. I wasn’t driving. I don’t even own a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 317

It wasn't me

By curiousorange - 05/07/2009 15:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 589

You deserved it 3 051

You're nicked

By DrunkenValor - 06/09/2009 04:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 327

You deserved it 3 470

Thanks for the memories

By savanna - 03/05/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. Thirty minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 571

You deserved it 4 638

Go home dad, you're drunk

By DogDoingScience - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Czech Republic

Today, I ran into my father. He was drunk and singing in the street. At 1:25pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 887

You deserved it 2 778

Delicious smell

By Delicious - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 651

You deserved it 32 597

By Anonymous - 15/04/2015 14:32 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 314

You deserved it 3 041

Where am I?

By awalc - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I woke up with Skittles superglued to my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 272

You deserved it 6 164

Daily news

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 10:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I went to my high school reunion, hoping to dazzle my old classmates with my career in investigative journalism. Instead, I ended up getting drunk and falling asleep in the bathroom stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 1 223

By Grant Williams - 07/05/2019 17:37

Today, while mildly tipsy, I threw myself onto my bed at a weird angle and somehow managed to somersault off my bed and land in my clothes hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 825

Boozy wake

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 23:00 - United Kingdom - Gloucester

Today, it was my stepdad's funeral. Everything was great, until people got drunk, kicked off, and the police got called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 122

Oh, hi…

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 15:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend who I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I find out that last time he saw me, I was blind drunk and vomiting after propositioning him all evening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 969

You deserved it 31 243

Drunk twats in the toilet alert

By PublicToiletEspionage - 21/05/2009 10:52 - United Kingdom

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 783

You deserved it 4 265

Very confusing

By Anonymous - 09/11/2022 02:00

Today, after a few of my friends decided to drink last night, and my best friend ended up getting very drunk and confessing to my boyfriend that she loves him, her brother came over and gave me a lecture about responsibilities. I don't know what's worse, the lecture or the fact that her brother is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 922

You deserved it 168

Silver linings

By see lie - 31/07/2019 16:00

Today, we recently found out I'm infertile, and I thought we were both devastated, until my partner posted a drunk video to Facebook, basically celebrating that we will never have, "crying, nappy-shitting, soul-sucking, bank account-draining little sods." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 301

You deserved it 409

Late night customers are the worst

By viviham - 04/05/2012 12:08 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 2 351

Hangover from hell

By Damnyouspellcheck - 13/08/2022 18:00

Today, I sent a text to a girl I met last night. Since we'd both had a few drinks, I texted, “U alive?” It wasn’t until later I found it it had autocorrected to “U alone?” when she texted back that she was “creeped out” and “no longer felt safe around me,” and promptly blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 726

Go home, you're drunk

By spartanson - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, my football coach thought it would be a good idea to get drunk, run to the other sideline, and scream, "WELCOME TO SPARTA, BITCH!" This would've been funny if he weren't also my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 040

You deserved it 4 335

Boozehound

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 12:00

Today, it's currently 10:30am on a Thursday and my husband is already so drunk from his several “hair of the dogs” to cure his hangover from last night that he has passed out on the toilet. I had to lie to his boss that he has food poisoning just so he wouldn’t sack him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 184

Protip: Don't

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I tried using hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 154

You deserved it 25 170

Future Darwin Award

By don'tdrinkthat - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Quincy

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 631

You deserved it 4 923

Slippery slope

By ur_life_dus_suck - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 609

You deserved it 1 757

Time to make a speech

By Anonymous - 08/08/2023 08:00

Today, I was hungover the day of my cousin's wedding and fell asleep in the limo. I woke up to everyone telling me we had arrived, so I got out and started mingling. It took me a minute to realise I didn’t know anyone. Those bastards had dropped me at someone else’s wedding as a prank and drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 1 143

Genetic test

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 02:00

Today, it's not fair: I’ve seen my twin brother drink 2 full bottles of whiskey without getting more than tipsy, then go to work the next day completely fine on only 2 hours sleep, meanwhile I get completely trashed if I have more than 3 normal pints and take days to recover from the hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 338

He's got game

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 604

You deserved it 6 183

By rachaaaaeul - 06/08/2010 07:07 - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 091

You deserved it 4 027

Your brain on alcohol

By michael - 17/07/2019 12:07

Today, I found out that getting drunk and attempting to shit out the second story window is a very bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 2 959

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The Top

Today, in front of family and friends, as I got down on one knee, my girlfriend fainted. Her father, a lawyer, rushed over and said, "Anything she says for the next 72 hours is not legally binding" and whisked her away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 729

You deserved it 3 221

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 054

You deserved it 3 630

Today, I learned that the gentleman who found my wallet was not satisfied with the $300 cash and forged a check for a washer and dryer. I found out when I checked my account. It cleared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 437

You deserved it 180

Today, my mom told me that she was selling my favorite thing in the world, my trombone. The only thing that I'm good at is the trombone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 761

You deserved it 5 288

Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 348

You deserved it 1 722

Today, my girlfriend thinks I'm sex-obsessed because of the number of times I've asked for it. I've asked exactly 3 times this year, one of which was on my birthday. She said no all 3 times. I'm usually too scared of her temper to even try. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 801

You deserved it 1 395